Walkabout Writings...

http://www.npr.org/event/music/173422704/the-lone-bellow-tiny-desk-concert

this made my bad day a whole lot better!

beautiful harmonies and melodies!!!!!

and of course the lyrics get right at my heart.

teach me to know lyrics:
First born
Carried promise of the old one
You're the same but somehow different
Bared the burdens of the line

It breaks in
And you never see it coming
Seems like every other morning
Like a secret you can't tell

And you get carried away
Carried away (carried away, carried away)
Carried away (carried away, carried away)

Out there
Thousand years into the future
Almost nothing of it seems sure
Things so rarely stay the same

Right here
In these burning simple seconds
Living out all your best guesses
Someone's calling out your name

And you get carried away
Carried away (carried away, carried away)
Carried away (carried away, carried away)
Carried away (carried away, carried away)
Carried away (carried away, carried away)

Teach me to know my number of days
Hold out my heart from getting carried
[x3]

Carried away (carried away, carried away)
Carried away (carried away, carried away)
Carried away (carried away, carried away)
Carried away (carried away, carried away)

i know i'm supposed to be grateful, positive and never complain, because my life is "so awesome". but sometimes life is really fucking hard.

this week has been really hard. for many reasons.

my next job direction is up in the air and i have no idea how it's gonna go. the part that's in my control is to accept or not accept an offer, but i haven't gotten either offer yet. so i've kinda just reverted to not thinking about it.

i really want to move out of Austin. i need to leave this town. way too many exes and ghosts running around this city. also i feel like I've out grown this city - sooooo many people have moved here since i came and the secret on the city's been out for the past 10 years. but now it's exploding. what if the only offer i get is from an Austin place and nowhere else? Do i ignore the offer and leave anyways b/c i'm over this location? Is that stupid?

I lost a lover but maintained a friend this week. I think we both agreed the love part had run it's course and we were better off friends. One truly unique thing is that i actually want to be friends w/ this man. During the course of dating him he always treated me with respect and care and he even hung out w/ me to just hang out w/ me. Not waiting around for something and GTFO as soon as he got it. He actually like who i am as a person - not what i could give him.

That's a refreshing change. Most men just stick around till they get what they want from you. As time goes on I've gotten better at seeing it sooner. I don't think any of them are actually interested in getting to know me. Which is sad b/c I think i've let that play w/ my self-worth a bit. And sometimes that is a slow burn.

Today we have a famous photojournalist on my floor. Everyone is losing their shit. Except for the lone man on the floor. All the women came in today w/ a shit-ton of makeup on. Last night we had an event with him and everyone was fawning over him. You could tell that happens often to him. He soaks it all in, basks in it. He is single for a reason and probably one of the biggest flirts I've encountered in quite sometime.

So now everyone is coming to my office and bragging to me about "their interaction with him" and how "he is flirting with them so much". Someone actually told me that i shouldn't come to an event he'll be at tonight b/c i would get in the way. WTF. i am the youngest on the floor and these bitches are acting fucking crazy and cock blocking me. insane.

I've experienced some SERIOUS passive aggressive, competition in the work place and outside of it recently. One of the biggest embarrassments of being a woman is when other women become catty, competitive and bitchy - when this is done over a man it's even more sickening.

I'd like to flirt w/ the hot photojournalist, but everyone is so crazy i don't even wanna go there. I don't fight over men. It's disgusting. And is it ever worth it, really? Is he even interested in you if you have to viciously pursue him and convince him you're awesome? I don't think so.

Which leads me to my most recent burn. This douchebag art history prof/guitarist has been trying to pursue me. But he just broke up w/ his live-in g/f of 3.5 years and is in total rebound mode. Which means he is everything i am trying to avoid right now in the "Love" sphere of my life.

It sucks too cuz we've had some great conversations and he seems like someone i could be crazy about. But the fact that he still hooks-up w/ his ex (uses her) and doesn't even talk to me unless he thinks he's getting some really turns me off. And i just looked on his FB and he just friend-ed like 500 girls that look like SI swimsuit models. All of them have long beachy wavy hair and huge boobs and abs and fake tans. No SI models ever have short hair, have you ever noticed that?

Why do guys w/ potential have to be such douchebags!!!!!????????

I'm looking for the balance of compassionate friend/passionate lover. Does that exist in one man? Or is it only one or the other?

I am also done "open relationships" that go absolutely nowhere fulfilling after X amount of months.

It's depressing to think about it all. It makes me think I will never meet anyone worth being with. And also that I'll just become this bitter, lonely person.

Getting married isn't a life goal for me, but being with an ACTUALLY decent person EXCLUSIVELY would be a fucking breath of fresh air.

BLEH!!!