my favorite cliches

1. You can pretty much compare all aspects of life to a restaurant.
2. Don’t take things too seriously but remember what you care about.
3. Life is passionate so live passionately.
4. Wood fireplaces in the winter-good, balconies in the summer-even better.
5. Manners really do matter.
6. Don’t forget to enjoy the ride-sometimes you end up in an unexpected stop.
7. If I’m supposed to be like everyone else, who will be like me?
8. Capable and willing are 2 different things. It’s nice to be both.
9. Risk isn’t always a bad thing…as long as you’re willing to be embarrassed and get back up!
10. The best guest is the one who participates-don’t show up just to be entertained.
11. Spend the money, Say how you feel, Do what you love, Limit your regrets

Everything is happening

 

I was walking to work this morning. The street I walk down to get to the Metro is a bit “dodgy”, i suppose. a speckling of prostitutes just getting off work or heading to whatever place they call home, junkies at the bus stop. Kids walking to the charter school, old grannies with head coverings and prescription bottles in their bags.

It’s not dangerous. It’s broad daylight and everyone has yet to make any huge mistakes, so no one is pissed off yet. We are walking on a blank canvas, brush in hand but haven’t gotten to the palette yet.
On this particular morning, i was doing what I always do on my morning walks – reevaluating my entire life. ha! totally counter-productive, but not always. It’s full of typical questions, like:

Am I living my purpose? I don’t like my job. I should apply for a new one. But what would that be? What would make me happy? I should be a full time writer. But that wouldn’t pay my bills. I wish i was a teacher. But that’s not what I truly am. I want to live in an Italian villa and write. I am going to save up my money and move to Italy. Why should I wait, I should move to Italy RIGHT NOW.

I want to work in a surf shop in Costa Rica. 

*huge sigh, thoughts pause*
it’s tiring isn’t it?

I am walking to the street corner, to cross. The other side is the metro. As I approach there is a junkie. He is wearing all black, sweat shirt and black jeans, even though the swampy DC summer has arrived. His face displays Vitiligo, as if someone has thrown glass into his face and the shards have stuck, taking away the black pigmentation, leaving peach, tan blotches. It is painfully striking.

As i get closer to the street corner, I sigh and end my morning ritual of anxiety and self doubt. I will come back to that tomorrow. I mutter out loud to myself to close this contemplation:

“Ugh, I have no idea what is happening.”

the junkie turns around, looks up at me suddenly, fiercely, as if he had heard my mutter. I did not think i was that loud, and his back had been turned to me.

He opens his hands, spraying them out like tentacles in the air, shakes them around. He is electric. He speaks to me above a normal voice, an aggressive yell:

“EVERYTHING is happening!!!”

He immediately turns around and keeps looking at the street’s red traffic light.

I cross the street and choose to hear his words echo in my head.
Everything is happening.
Everything is happening.

Everything is happening.

Friends

So I got the waitress job to save money. BUT I'm just spending it on Travel. :)

ON A WHIM, i decided to go to NYC and Chicago this month. 

BUT I'm REALLY excited because I'm going to see friends I have not seen in a long time. I cannot wait! I haven't been to Chicago since 2011! I haven't been to NYC since Feb 2014!!!

I cannot wait to see my friends who live in these two awesome cities. I will not be saving money but wtf you only live once. And the friends I'm going to see are some of the most important people in my life!! Some of my longest friendships that i deeply cherish.

So i got no complaints.

Couples I don't want to be

At work last weekend i waited on two couples.

The first one:

• woman cuter than man
• he was a fat nerd w/ glasses
• she was audrey hepburn
• she paid for the entire meal. she wrote on her receipt, "boyfriend got the tip."
• her boyfriend paid a $10.00 tip on a $50.00 tab. 
• I found this to be annoying. 
• i hope a man splits it with me or pays for all of it
• why was she with him?

The second one:

• i forgot to get bacon on the guy's burger
• the woman is the one who accosted me with this oversight
• i apologized and got the kitchen to bring down a side of bacon
• the woman insisted they get a discount, even after he ate it all
• yes, she ordered a salad and just a salad
• he said, "no honey, it's ok"
• she would not back down.
• he was whipped and let her have all the power

Two couples I never want to be.

rigged

good quote from RUMI

Got no complaints

It was a wonderful weekend.

Friday night I ate dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant in Georgetown. All the pasta was handmade! All the food melted in your mouth. It is so nice to eat good food with friends. We went out to a bar after and met boys and one have me his number. He is cute and not an old man.

Saturday I volunteered, then went to brunch at a hipster Swedish place w/ my Mom and Aunt. Again the food was sooooo tasty. The company and locale were the same.

Saturday nite, I worked. At one point I had two parties walk in at THE SAME TIME WITH 14 people!!!!! Oh and a bunch of couples!!!

I somehow made it thru and came out with a shit ton of tips.

After work went to a dive bar with coworkers, then we WENT DANCING at the bar across the street. The bar has "SOUL NIGHTS" once a month and it is so much fun to dance to soul music. I got very drunk then went home. I have a crush on one of my coworkers. So cute. And a good dancer :)

Yesterday I had beers with friends outside then dinner with my mom at a great French bistro!

I am still drunk texting MMJC. We are still seducing each other in his bed. We have a don't ask don't tell policy about outside party members. If I knew about the girls he was seeing I'd go crazy jealous and dump him. So I prefer to not know. I'm not innocent either.

I would like a boyfriend. Just have not felt that way about anyone I've dated. I like dating many boys at one time.

The last I heard from RPJ was April 10th. And it will remain so. I've made no effort to contact, reach out. I am SO much happier when he is not in my life. All he likes to do is create drama and mind fuck me. How sad it is that some people get such joy from taking advantage and treating others with no sense of consequence or care of causing pain. But as I once heard, "hurt people hurt people."

In the past when he contacted me (he eventually always does) I would answer. When he does next time there will be no response from me. There is nothing left to say. I have given him all the words, dreams, kisses and tears I had to offer. It is a relief when the love you had for someone is replaced with a sort of hollow, empty feeling when you think of them. There is just an absence of love. An almost vague blah feeling, like when you wake up from a hangover. But then a relief sets in; like you were in a boxing ring and the fight is over.

Where as, when I see my crush from work I feel excited and happy and ready to dance to soul music.

Feelings are so helpful. If you make a conscious effort to listen and connect with them, they will help you make choices that are authentic to your true wants and needs. Everything I've ignored my gut I've gotten kicked in the ass by fate.

I am very happy in life right now and have no complaints. I theorize that I am happy right now bc the waiting job has taken the financial stress out of my life. I no longer need to worry about my bills. I feel free and independent in this.

Another reason for my happiness is my role in my community. I LOVE volunteering in my hood and I like my co workers at the restaurant. I feel like I know so many people in the hood. I feel connected to my neighbors and people in my little corner of the world. It is great to feel a part of something you love.

I am healthy. I have wonderful friends. And crushes ;) and boys I kiss.

So I have no room for complaints right now. I am relishing in life until the INEVITABLE tide will turn and I'll be bitching again here on the blog. BUT UNTIL THEN, let's enjoy it!!!!

SIDENOTE: I have become obsessed with old Hollywood and want to stay one night at the chateau marmont. If I could get a PHD I'd get it in Hollywood history :)   Reading about old Hollywood and it's stars and watch old movies like RED DUST, all about eve, sunset blvd.
movies were SO MUCH better back then. The dialogue and story lines are richer.

goals.

NEW GOAL: I want to get a job as a librarian that gets a 10 month contract. I want to keep waitressing until i am too old to do it. I want to work as a librarian for 10 months, then live somewhere else for the rest of the year.

I would like to do trips to south america, south east asia with my extra cash. Wouldn't that be fun?