goals.

NEW GOAL: I want to get a job as a librarian that gets a 10 month contract. I want to keep waitressing until i am too old to do it. I want to work as a librarian for 10 months, then live somewhere else for the rest of the year.

I would like to do trips to south america, south east asia with my extra cash. Wouldn't that be fun?

the windows open

i want to date an emotionally available Ernest Hemingway.

i realize this is a contradictory statement.

breakthrough.

For the first time in a LONG time, i felt whole. I felt that everything I needed, I had. I wasn't wanting anything, I wasn't missing anything; I felt truly complete. It happened at yoga last night and it was a personal highlight for me this year.  I was in the half moon pose!!!

i have been getting signs lately. and it's getting me really excited. I can hear my intuition clearly now and I'm confident it's leading somewhere magical. for awhile there, I couldn't hear it at all and didn't know what to do. I was feeling shame, guilt, and apologizing for no reason.

my future goals are more visible now, but i am also trying to live in the present. it's a balancing act that only gets better with practice. that's what I've learned these past few months.

ALSO can i just say, "The Four Agreements" has been an amazing read these past few months. It may seem at first like hippe bullshit, but it is a book which has reminded me about things that are key to have in finding personal acceptance, contentment, confidence. 

you are limitless.

I never really believed that phrase, "the world is your oyster."
but lately I am beginning to believe it is right.







After months of wondering if i had anymore goals or dreams,
I've finally found the strength to daydream.
I'm finally allowing myself to dream big. And while dreaming big, I had these thoughts:

It's appalling to me how easily we believe others when they say what we can, can't, should, and shouldn't do.

Following your heart is the truest thing you can do for yourself and your dreams. If your heart is leading you somewhere or to something, it is for a reason. If your intentions are true, it will cancel out all the people that tell you not to do it. That said, it's good to have realistic goals.  And it is good to have a group of trusted individuals who you trust that can help guide you to your goals, shape them into being.

What holds us back?

• When someone tells us it's stupid.
• When someone says we can't do it; it's too hard.
• When someone tells us we're "crazy"
• When we tell ourselves we're not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, etc.

But all these thing are only words. They are not facts or based in any truth.
Yet, why do we invest so much belief into these false phrases??? Are we afraid of our goals, and using excuses lets us avoid that fear? Lets us ignore the fear and succumb to denial because it's easier than thinking about the truth?





I think all we can do in this world is daydream, dream, make many lists of those dreams and go out and do them.  There is no timeline, there is no shoulds or musts.

It's odd how the easiest and the hardest part is to follow your heart. But in a way that's the only thing you need to know. Whether it's sipping the early morning coffee or taking a trip to Brazil, however big or small, if we are living with true, thoughtful intentions and letting our hearts lead us, we will have the world at our fingertips.

So remember you are limitless.  Things people say are simply words, not truth. The only truth you have is the one within.































   

MY CRUSH OF THE MONTH

My crush of the month is photographer, Javier Manzano.

  

 why Javier is my crush of the month:

• talented photographer
• seems intelligent from the interviews i've seen/read: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nE1Q2iDYwqQ
• passionate about his work
• SEXY
• has an accent
•  SEXY

IF HE WAS SINGLE HE WOULD BE A UNICORN.







Mr. Manzano is  an award-winning Mexican photographer known for his coverage of the country's drug wars, the War in Afghanistan and the Syrian civil war. He is the winner of the 2013 Pulitzer Prize for feature photography^[5]


 

your hairline now so untrustworthy

You Are the Penultimate Love of My Life
BY REBECCA HAZELTON


I want to spend a lot but not all of my years with you.
We’ll talk about kids
                              but make plans to travel.
I will remember your eyes
                              as green when they were gray.
Our dogs will be named For Now and Mostly.
               Sex will be good but next door’s will sound better.

There will be small things.
I will pick up your damp towel from the bed,
                                                            and then I won’t.
I won’t be as hot as I was
                              when I wasn’t yours
and your hairline now so
               untrustworthy.
When we pull up alongside a cattle car
                              and hear the frightened lows,
                              I will silently judge you
                              for not immediately renouncing meat.
You will bring me wine
                              and notice how much I drink.

                                              The garden you plant and I plant
                              is tunneled through by voles,
                                                             the vowels
                                                             we speak aren’t vows,
               but there’s something
                              holding me here, for now,
               like your eyes, which I suppose
                                                             are brown, after all.




Rebecca Hazelton, “You Are the Penultimate Love of My Life” from Vow. Copyright © 2013 by Rebecca Hazelton. Reprinted by permission of Cleveland State University Press Poetry Center.

Source: Vow (Cleveland State University Press Poetry Center, 2013)

Recent Obsessions of late

• Marc Maron - his unlikely sexiness, neurosis, sexy old man-ness, humor, sound of his voice, the fact that he dates women half his age (i realize it's wrong, but i don't care - and it's probably because i am half his age that i approve of this).

• Suki Waterhouse - her hair, face, fashion, and the fact that she has charmed the pants off Bradley Cooper. Girls must have something goin' on. And she's only 22. At the very least she'd have some great stories to share over tea time.
  

• Surfer music and surfers

• Beaches... in general

• Plantation houses - minus the whole slavery issue - that is the one part about liking them i could ignore. 

• Spain. Spanish men. Anything to do with Spain. 

• Swimming in the ocean naked ... off of a Greek island.