A steak dinner

Posted on November 4, 2014
 

This weekend I told a prospective suitor that I was appalled by his communication style and therefore could never engage with him again. This was on Halloween night at 2:45am. I meant to be taken seriously but when you’re in a flamingo costume that’s hard.

“You don’t understand. I want a man like Steeeeeve McccQueen. Sean Connery! Not now Sean Connery but then Sean Connery. I want a man’s man, a man who takes initiative. A man who looks me in the eyes and says, ‘I’d like to take you out for a steak dinner!’ “*hiccup*

“Well do you even eat steak?”

“No – but that’s not the point!” *hiccup*

Xoxo – Marzipan Moxley http://marzipanmoxley.tumblr.com

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let's talk.

Let's talk about how I am reading Lena Dunham's "Not that kind of girl" right now and it's as if she lifted pages from my diaries.

Let's talk about how I am obsessed with conflict photographers, conflict photography and secretly want to be a photographer who covers conflict, even though there's no way I could with my personality traits: ie: highly sensitive, empathetic, anxious, organized.  I like to know that I will be alive at the end of the day. I get tired from carrying around the sadness of others. that's why i write to dump it off and start again.

Let's talk about how i am always late to work.

Let's talk about how when nothing is wrong in my life I feel a constant restlessness.

Let's talk about how i want to write a novel but average about 30 words on it a month.

Let's talk about my debt and past dating disasters. How now when i think of past lovers, i do not have longing, but i roll over in my bed, put my hands over my eyes, and groan out "what an asssshollleeeeeeee!"

Let's talk about how i feel guilty whenever i complain because there is absolutely nothing wrong with my life and I am a lucky bastard.

Let's talk about I still feel like i am looking for some sort of home, that every place I move to just seems like a landing spot until I move to a place I don't know exists. But i am tired right now and that place will just have to wait.

Let's talk about how i want to be a spy. But my face is so transparent and when I lie I cannot stop giggling.

Let's talk about how i am taking Italian class and do not know how it will ever be of use to me. The sole reason is the sound it makes when dancing off my tongue, exiting my mouth.

This is my life, all the ups and downs, the question marks lit on fire.

Give zero shits

This year, I stopped giving a shit about what other people thought about my life plans, dreams, goals. For a long time in my life I judged my plans against the advice of my parents, close friends, society. It's good to seek advice, but you cannot let other people plan your life for you. All that matters is what you feel. If getting married young and buying a home makes you happy, you need to do that, no matter what society thinks. If spending all your savings on travel and moving back in with your parents to save again for the next trip is what makes you happy, you need to do that. If never getting married, or never having kids is what makes you happy, you need to do that. Don't listen to people who are not living your life.

A lesson I learned this year was that you have to do what you want to do, not what others expect of you. If you do what others expect of you all your life, you will be miserable. You will look back on your life and feel pissed that you didn't do anything you truly wanted to do.

The worst that can happen is that you die from your choice. The chances of this happening are PRETTY DAMN slim. Unless your jumping off something really high, or something. If you lose your job, run out of money, are homeless, chances are you probably have some sort of support system to help you out.

So go and live HOWEVER you want. You really have NOTHING to lose.

You are pre-approved

fan club

It's been awhile.
I'm still here.
I'm still dating hot men that i'm too young for. I've been doing this since age 18.
Like many things this year, I've realized to embrace all of myself; the good, the bad, and the fugly. And it feels so good to only answer to my own compass. A free way to live your life.

I can't help that I'm attracted to hot old guys. But I can help dating assholes. And this is something I've gotten better at. The secret is going slow. Not rushing into everything. That's the only way to separate the men that are truly there for you and the ones that are only there for your body.

#1 There is a man at Karaoke who is in love w/ me but I'm treating him as a groupie. It's nice when someone appreciates your "Zombie" or "Silver Spring." He has questionable tattoos.

#2 is a Policy Analyst/Writer. And what a manly man he is. He has scruff and wears east coast style sweaters (wool?) and has lots of thick hair and could be John Ham's distant cousin. He likes Modern English writers. And Wyeth. He is a bit stoic which worries me. He can be caught deep in thought and doesn't say too much about himself. That's never been a good sign.

#3 is a Real Estate agent/part time DC Actor/Playwright who is a poor man's version of Adrian Brody. YEP he even has an imdb page. He wants to be chased but likes me more b/c i refuse to do so.

#1 is for my vanity
#2 is what i'd like
#3 is for my fun

We shall see how the dice roll.

I'm back in the saddle again......

Freedom

http://www.upworthy.com/whats-it-like-being-an-unmarried-woman-over-30-looks-pretty-cool-to-me-3?c=reccon3

We are so lucky that we have so many freedoms and choices as women today. Of course, not ALL is well - look at the American South's systematic scaling back of women's health clinics. BUT we are able to choose any lifestyle we want, which many women in this world cannot say. I am grateful for this.

you don't need permission

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhOsUu-gQJg&list=UUKBnlTTgEnhIXv_c4LvvyMQ&index=7

YOU DON'T NEED PERMISSION.