24 Questions Single Girls Are Tired Of Being Asked

http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/questions-single-girls-are-tired-of-being-asked#.rwy5n8DVJ

I made out with a Russian Journalist on Saturday night. I stupidly shared this fun flirty story with my mother and a friend. Both immediately responded with:

"well are you going to go out with him, was he nice?"

 No probably not cuz I was drunk and I do not want to date.  I finally became secure with my intuition which is telling me not to focus on romantic relationships.

Watching a Frances Ha movie Q & A recently, the actress Greta Gerwig said they set out to make a film that wasn't about a girl finding the man of her dreams. She said, "if that's the climax, the point of the story, well frankly that's not good enough."

It's annoying how at holiday parties people ask how you're doing. then they ask with a glint in their eye, "seeing anyone special???" It's just annoying. As if that is the best thing that could happen to you. There are 5 million other better things than that. Money, Italian, Chocolate, Coffee, Movies, Art, Cookies, Sushi, Books .... 

There are so many more things in life, in our story, than the opposite sex. It's unfortunate how society makes men such an asset. Maybe less so in the "1st world" but it's horrible how men control the destiny of so many women in our world - specifically prostitution industries, child brides, communities where women have no rights.

Also, I've been hearing more of the exhaustion and tiredness, boringness of marriage/children lately. I don't know if I only notice this b/c I agree or if the current trend is to complain about life on the Internet. I do think the Internet tends to take regular life and whine about it. But Life isn't a fucking instagram feed!!! Life isn't as glamorous as it is on social media and that bothers people.

Date yourself.

I've been doing the above since Sept. 2013. I can confidently say I know how and enjoy being alone. I just came back from a week long business trip in San Fran and it was AMAZING wandering the city alone. I loved being with myself and had so much fun on tours, sight seeing, and eating food alone.  It wasn't lonely, it was really fun!!! But what if I could have that much fun or more fun with someone else along for the ride? 

Do not get me wrong - I love the freedom of my singularity.  There are 50% things I like about being single and 50% that I would like to have from a partnership.

I'm ready to date someone awesome. But I'm not willing to take the step into online dating b/c my life is so happy and peaceful right now, the thought gives me a headache of inviting someone into my life who will bring drama and fuck it all up. I can only hope after all the bad choices, I'm wiser and I can see characteristics to avoid more clearly.

I think I'm gonna sit back and live my life, keep doing what I'm doing and let the Universe take care of it.  That seems to be the most comfortable option right now.

Freedom

http://www.upworthy.com/whats-it-like-being-an-unmarried-woman-over-30-looks-pretty-cool-to-me-3?c=reccon3

We are so lucky that we have so many freedoms and choices as women today. Of course, not ALL is well - look at the American South's systematic scaling back of women's health clinics. BUT we are able to choose any lifestyle we want, which many women in this world cannot say. I am grateful for this.

A Masterpiece

Once upon a time, I dated an artist. It was a very short romance. As most stereotypes, he oozed charisma. His flirtations were a wide net and I was the catch; inescapable. I had no chance the moment he put his arm around my waist and whispered in my ear, “I think we’re going to be trouble.”

The hooks were in deep. But then came the mood swings, the verbal abuse … the other women. He no longer talked with me, but at me. All conversations were art lectures, or therapist appointments in which I played the role of the incompetent therapist. Listening for hours, not able to offer advice, and leaving more perplexed about “us” then when I had walked in. His narcissism and womanizing revealed itself soon enough and that lead to a swift demise.

I went to a music concert recently and this quote from a song stuck out to me:

"Like a flame not allowed to last very long but how fantastic and strong."

(Frontier Ruckus - If the Suns Collapse)

From my end, our relationship was as short as it was intense. But it was not all bad, because I learned some invaluable lessons. I learned what I will allow and what I will not. I learned that I want to be an equal in a partnership, not a fiddler player of the background music to someone else’s life story. The question this short relationship asked of me was, do I want to be the muse or do I want to be the artist, the creator myself? I have learned I am the creator of my own life story.

So this afterthought isn’t about how to date a creative mind. This is about how to cultivate your own creative power, how to become your own creator.

 At some point you must find the strength within yourself to step out from your partner's shadow. Living in the shadow of an artist can be difficult. Artists are contagiously creative, passionate, and emotional.  They brood in thought and like a mood ring can be 50 colors in one day. Not all these traits are bad. But they can effect you negatively if you let them. The American photographer, Lee Miller, met surrealist artist, Man Ray, when she was 22 years old in 1929. She became his lover and muse. While with him, she managed to learn from his photographic techniques, help run his studio, and become an artist. At 25, Miller left Man Ray and Paris to return to New York and establish a portrait and commercial photography studio with her brother Erik as her darkroom assistant.  She would go on to become an acclaimed photographer for Vogue, serving as war correspondent during WWII.

Lee Miller in Hitler's bath Photo: David E. Scherma © Lee Miller ... http://www.pinterest.com/pin/177329304052472517/

Examine yourself. Who are you and what are you creating? The painter, Frida Kahlo, once said, "I paint myself because I am so often alone and because I am the subject I know best." Meeting the famous artist Diego Rivera at age 20, Frida wanted his opinion on her work. He replied, “You’ve got talent.” This encouragement and her perseverance would result in the Louvre buying one of her paintings, “The Frame”; the first work by a twentieth-century Mexican artist to be purchased by the renowned museum. Although Kahlo’s fame came posthumously, her authentic sense of self has lived on forever in her art and its admirers. Your creations are eternal.

http://www.friendsofart.net/en/art/frida-kahlo/the-frame

I invite you to create a list of qualities you’d like in an ideal partner. In a 1981 speech given at Yale, the ground-breaking feminist, political activist and journalist, Gloria Steinem stated, “Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.” Ask yourself if you have the qualities you would like to have in a partner. If you do, that’s great. If you don’t have them, focus on those qualities you lack and see how you can cultivate them. Remember to create your own masterpiece before giving all your paint away to a jackass. Your personal artistry will lead you to making your very own masterpiece if you let it.

http://agypsiblog.com/2013/03/15/femme-fatals-gloria-steinem/

Gloria knows what's up.

GIRL BOSS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y04gnM57Sow

Interview with Sophia Amoruso - CEO, founder of Nasty Gal

bow down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KbV8h8FGpc

eight minutes in.

HELLZ YEAH.

Don't be chicken shit.

TEDxAmsterdamWomen 2011 - Lauren Zander - No One is Coming to Save You! Becoming Your Own Hero

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ntKfkGnvMA

This TED talk changed my life last year and I come back to it when I need it.

It's about you BEING THE SOLE NAVIGATOR of your life: both an amazing blessing and a huge responsibility.

It highlights the truth between living and living your dream is ACTION. There really are no excuses. But it also doesn't mean you need to "fix" anything or be "the best" in the next 24 hours. We have lots of time and resources.  All we need to do is begin and that is all.

Connect the Dots.

Last night i went to a 90s cover band with my friends and had lots of fun. We danced to santaria and hootie and the blowfish - "i only wanna be with you". I texted the guys who asked for my number last weekend and neither of them came. One was "in Baltimore" (i don't know if that was true) and one JUST NEVER ANSWERED.

It's weird when guys ask for your number, text you saying they want to see you and then never respond to any of your texts. But I think it's just because they were bored when they initially asked you for the number and weren't actually into you. Maybe they thought they were when they were alone at a bar. Mostly though I just think that's inconsiderate dick-like behavior. But who am I to judge.

We then went to the corner bar at 1:30 am where all the black men thought i was hot and all the white men were way too young, too handsy and i had to call them out and remove them from my general dancing circle. Race had nothing to do with this, it was just the weird unexplainable thread of the night.

It was beautiful to be out with a group of girlfriends. i really liked that. There is something about drinking beers and dancing to good music with women; and you don't care if men are there or looking at you.

After the last bar i walked to my apartment with my roomie and was hungry and wanted 2:45 in the morning food. She did too. So i went to the pizza shop around the corner and got in line. While in line i see THE WHITE WHALE in the corner of my eye with his fellow photo journalist friend chatting. "FUCKKKKKK," was my first thought. The next thought was, "REALLY?  ... ... ... really...?!" Then the third thought was, "pretend he isn't here."

But of course he was an adult and mature and came over on his way out to say hello to me. Which included a European kiss on both cheeks - I'm attributing that to his suspected drunkeness. He introduced me to his friend. I was graceful and appropriate (yet again) and felt ok about that. Although I've forgiven him, I'm not ready to see him on a 3 times a month basis. I don't want to think about him anymore. It's like when you're happy that your ex is married but you don't need to look at the Facebook album of his wedding day. It's like that. We never ran into each other this much before we dated, why is it more now???

This leads me to question what the Universe is trying to tell me. Am I not getting over this fast enough? Am I being tested by the Universe to prove that I'm "really" over him? Or maybe it's not cosmic at all. Maybe it's not telling me anything. Maybe it's just the truth and that is what happens when you live 10 blocks away from a guy you used to date and abruptly crushed your hopes of a new romance in half and then threw it like dust into the garbage.

Maybe the Universe is just telling me "you gotta keep on trucking, protect your beautiful sass, and cut the assholes off the team."

I don't know what the lesson is and i most likely will not see it until next year. Things that happen in your life are like a "connect-the-dots" picture. You don't see how it all makes sense until you are done and realize that point 1-2 is the arm and 5-10 is the nose and well duh, of course it was a horse!!!! Really though I hope i don't see him anymore it sucks.

back in the saddle again.

 



on Friday night i had spoken to my mother on the phone and told her i was giving up on dating and that in order for me to ever be asked out on a date again, I'd have to move. She told me i was wrong but i didn't believe her. refused to.

i went to a friend's birthday party. I wore a chili pepper red colored mini skirt, black v-neck tshirt, my new brown leather jacket, lacey tights and my Florentine leather boots. i looked hot. I finished it off with red lipstick.

Saturday night as i was drinking an abita purple haze i saw a REAL man walk into the bar. He was not of the typical DC fare and i think that's why i thought he was so hot. He had a lumberjack beard, tousled hair (perhaps from his motorcycle helmet?), and i could see tattoos peeping out from his vintage leather sleeved jacket. He had thick silver rings on and was sitting at the bar with his friend. SO OF COURSE I SAT on the empty bar stool next to him. And ACCIDENTALLY brushed up against him when someone was trying to push me away to get to the bar.

We chatted very casually for 15 minutes and shared a shot of whiskey. he then said,

"Well, I'm about to leave with my friend here. I dunno if this is too forward or not, but I'd like to get your number."

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
the sexy man wanted my number.

He slid over a bar napkin and i wrote my digits down. And i got a text the next day :)

The second guy i met at the bar was equally charming, but not as intriguing or non-DC. He was a clean-cut all American male which i also like. He was funny, cute, and NOT GAY OR MARRIED. Lately dating in this city I run into two frequent roadblocks: Gay or Married.

The two men i gave my number to were neither MARRIED, GAY, or IN THEIR 40s!!!! BLESSED VIRGIN THANK YOU GOD.

The whole night was a small step for my confidence and a huge leap for my dating life.

Out of Town Weekend: NEW YORK

i stayed in a different city this weekend. all the girls who walked the streets had tired dyed blonde hair, dark brown roots, matte red lips that cradled a cigarette. All of them wore leather jackets or fur but no puffy sleeping bag ones. such as myself.




Me and my friend watched couples on Friday night, Valentine's day, making out on the street between 2-4 am. We were in a bar, seated by a window that overlooked the avenue. After seeing the first couple macking face, we started betting if the couples would go home in the cab together or take separate cabs. It was fun to watch these little soap operas from afar, displaced enough outside the chaos to enjoy the stormy romance without the consequences.

My big purchase of the weekend was my signature perfume. I've realized every sophisticated woman has a signature scent and i want one. It's something I always thought as a rite of passage of sorts for a grown woman so i took the plunge. I bought a REALLY expensive french perfume. It says this on the back of the bottle:

“A woman of such intimidating beauty and sparkling vitality gained the adoration of everyone around her. However, no one knew what she had been through. With her wild spirit, she was tough, stronger than metal, and never looked back. When she met him, for the first time in her life, she could stand still. She may have found the absolu man.”

This is what's in it:

Top notes :

tangerine from Italy, pink pepper from China, blackcurrant from Burgundy

Heart notes :

violet leaves from Grasse, iris Pallida from Tuscany, mimosa from Grasse

Base notes :

patchouli from Indonesia, white amber, tonka bean from Brazil

Stop hiding your greatness

Stop hiding your greatness and embrace it, you are truly important and worth thriving. 

The fact that you were born proves you were meant to be here, meant for something important. Stop doubting yourself and live the life you want to. Thrive and be happy and everything else will magically come together. 

"You cannot get sick enough to help sick people get better. You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive. It is only in your thriving that you have anything to offer anyone. If you're wanting to be of an advantage to others, be as tapped in, turned in, turned on as you can possibly be."

- Esther Abraham-Hicks

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles (See note below about Nelson Mandela)

Recent Obsessions of late

• Marc Maron - his unlikely sexiness, neurosis, sexy old man-ness, humor, sound of his voice, the fact that he dates women half his age (i realize it's wrong, but i don't care - and it's probably because i am half his age that i approve of this).

• Suki Waterhouse - her hair, face, fashion, and the fact that she has charmed the pants off Bradley Cooper. Girls must have something goin' on. And she's only 22. At the very least she'd have some great stories to share over tea time.
  

• Surfer music and surfers

• Beaches... in general

• Plantation houses - minus the whole slavery issue - that is the one part about liking them i could ignore. 

• Spain. Spanish men. Anything to do with Spain. 

• Swimming in the ocean naked ... off of a Greek island.

looking in and out

this year was a doozy in good and bad ways. it was extremely stressful at times.

in jan-april of this year i was frantically searching for a new job, knowing my contract would end June 1st.

I got a new, better paying, more fulfilling job in May of this year which was a huge relief. This job just happened to be in the next city i wanted to live in, which is also a plus.

I moved across the country in May to start my new life out here, a new chapter. The past several months have been thrilling, very lucky, lonesome, full of laughter, tears, sexy, and heartache.  I barely went home this year and that is one thing i am changing in the new year. I saw my parents twice. Seeing my family grounds me. This year was so full of change and I was alone to deal with all of that. My move, bike accident, ill-fated relations with men. It's hard when you move to a new city and go thru all that shit alone. But - this is growing up, this is becoming who you are meant to be, this is making you better.

Another crazy phase I'm in right now is that I'm suffering from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory syndrome.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[last lines]
Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.
[hugs Charlie]
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I recently have had the most blessed experience of getting everything you've worked hard for, wish desperately for, wanted for a very long time. I feel guilty that I'm not insanely happy. But I am insanely grateful.

But for some reason I still feel like there is something else. Yet, I do not know what that "else" is. I've been going to yoga and church trying to meditate on the finding the answer. I'm writing more every day. I'm trying to dream new dreams for myself. I constantly ask, "what is next for me to do?" "what am i supposed to do next?"

But i realize these aren't really the questions i should be asking. I think where I am right now is where I am meant to be.

I'm going to try to let my heart guide me - as i always have - for the next few months. Maybe my intuition will guide me to my next goals. I know I've always wanted to get published. And maybe this is the time to pay attention to that wish? I also want to volunteer and contribute to my surrounding community.

I wish I was growing in reverse like Benjamin Button. I believe I was born at age 40 and have been trying to gain immaturity since birth. "Lightening up" is difficult for me to do. I'm a serious thinker and creator and sometimes i get lost in those heavy thoughts. Another personal goal of mine is to not take life so seriously.


All i know for sure at this time in my life is the twenties are a weird, wild, terrifying and ecstatic ride. 

Levo League

Last night I had the pleasure of attending a "Levo League" happy hour in DC.

Levo League is a social good startup designed to elevate young women in the workforce by providing the career resources needed to achieve personal and professional success.

Check it out here:
 http://www.levo.com/home

If you check the online community, you can see there are numerous chapters across the country, offering networks to find other women in the same career stage.

As a young woman, I feel belonging to this group will help a great deal in navigating my career. It is a fun way to ask others for advice, or learn what they are doing in their careers.  As a young woman at my first professional job, it's nice to have the support of strong, independent women in the same place as myself, and women who have already gained years of experience in my network.

At last night's happy hour I met some wonderful people. Two of them gave me a VIP PASS to FotoDC's 6th annual photo week launch party!!! I'm obsessed with photography so this is something I did not expect and am soooo looking forward to attending this weekend w/ these new gfs! :)

Last night was a reminder to put yourself out there, meet new people. Having many different networks and social circles can enrich your life in many ways.

They ALSO have a pinterest page!!!
http://www.pinterest.com/levoleague/

Being Your Own Best Friend

“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.”
― Diane Von Furstenberg

“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”
― Diane Von Furstenberg

We are far too hard on ourselves. And not only the own voices inside our head, but the media that implants little nasty ones as well.

I've realized this week i need to remember to be kinder to myself. If I said the the things i say to myself to a friend, that friend would probably think i was a big B-I-T-C-H.

It was my first time back at yoga since my bike accident tonight. My left side is bothersome, but I can finally do downward dog and arm stands again. Or so i thought. I couldn't even get up to the wall!

And from that discouragement I spiraled into thinking everything about me was horrible. i think i may have shed a tear during Savasana.

But after the class, the teacher came up to me and said it was nice to meet me. i told her i hadn't been in since the accident and that i couldn't do any of the moves-

and she interrupted me right there and said, "no, no. Stop right now, that does not matter. it's not about the moves." and then she had a big smile on her face and i felt a little better.

my room is messy sometimes. and sometimes i don't forget about men as fast as i'd like to. i let them linger like favorite songs and poems. sometimes i stay on pinterest for a whole hour or leave all my clothes on the floor after i wash them, instead of folding them in neat piles. and sometimes i eat mac n cheese for dinner that's not organic.

but i need to remember to just forget about all that shit cause i need to be nicer to myself and see all the good things and encourage them and not dwell on when i fall short.

i'm actually pretty good at being alone and surviving that way. i've never lived w/ a man who was my lover and i no longer live with parents. so in that sense i feel confident. but loving the person i am with alone is a whole different thing i always need more work on. why is it so easy to listen to the bad shit?

i am reminded of the wise words of the poet-prophet, singer-writer, the myth, the legend, Leonard Cohen:

O Canada.

 Canadian accents remind me of the people I love in my life, my family. I was born & raised in Canada til i was three and then moved to the States. But all my relatives and loved ones speak, "that way." So needless to say, a man with a Canadian accent makes me happy cuz the sound of it reminds me of good people in my life.




I am dating a scrappy Canadian, soon-to-be-lawyer (at a non-profit firm no less).

I am in the stage where I my "like" for him is growing at an alarming rate. He wears a St. Christopher emblem around his neck but you can only see it when he has no clothes on.



He has an activist streak in himself for the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I don't but I like the fact he cares so much about it. I also like that he invites me along to documentaries and talks about it. He wants me to join in on causes he cares about.

He is in his 30s and has lived in many different places than the U S of A.

He calls me sweetie and hottie and gives me smooches and for right now i am quite content. I'm trying to put off the inevitable - when one of us moves on to another.

It's weird being 20 and single, because you want the connection and care that comes from a consistent partner but you do not want to settle down.  I suppose when you get the feeling that you want to settle down, that person is the right one for you.

But I do not think I am ready for that yet.  There are things on my list that will be difficult to do with another person - unless they are the right person - then i guess they can come along for the ride.

You're gonna make it after all.

I finished a project management seminar my company sent me to for two days today. It was at a hotel in downtown DC so i got to pretend I was Mary Tyler Moore in the morning business crowds. No hat to toss though. Can't stand the hat hair. I settled on wearing tights and a skirt from Banana Republic.



I learned a whole lot. I was reminded of the Work Breakdown System (WBS) I studied for a semester in my masters program. The seminar leader said many good sentences that related not only to project management but also real life. One that resonated with me was:

"I cannot reach perfection but I can reach excellence," shown bright on his power point.

He also said procrastinators tend to be perfectionists.

Obviously, he was talking about me. I had no idea it was common knowledge that both traits typically resided as a pair, but now, suddenly, everything makes a whole lot more sense.

Besides my basic personality trapping me into a nasty perfectionism habit, I believe growing up as an American Woman is a big part to deal with it as well.

I feel as an American we emphasize competition, being the best, being "special", standing higher than the "average" crowd.  There has always been a pressure to be "the best" - and sometimes one can equate this need to be the best with being "perfect."

Besides this American ideal of being an independent, self reliant being at all times, throw the WOMAN factor in there:

As a woman in America there is a tremendous pressure to be all the things everyone in your life needs you to be. You must be the "perfect" mother, daughter, sister, lover, employee, artist, mother goddess, yogi....the list can go on as long as you think it can.

The media perpetuates these two beliefs through ads.  I found a recent article in the Atlantic to be really disturbing regarding how advertisers try to market to women when they "feel their most ugly." This graphic below is from that article.




SO THAT'S PRETTY MESSED UP.

The fact that the media is targeting women, and trying to feed off our already deflated esteem is pretty sick.

We must strive for excellence - not perfection - in order to stop these daily assaults our self-worth experiences.

I'm going to add this idea to my daily practice. Instead of perfection, I'm going to seek excellence. I'd rather chase after something I know I may eventually be able to catch.

It reminds me again of one of my favorite Mary Oliver poems:

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Crushed and Conquered.

I finally stopped having a crush on the RPJ about a month ago. i realized he had no interest in me, i was too young for him, and i needed to stop wasting my thoughts on him.

Yet - i couldn't really stop thinking about him because that man is so GD hawt. So I never really did. I still would imagine us on the island of cyprus, in bora bora, or bali, drinking beers, and having amazing sex.





Of course i realize this would never happen but that is half the fun in day-dreaming, isn't it? if it could or would happen it wouldn't be so fun to think about. Anywho - i never really stopped fantasizing about the RPJ.

And today i think the Universe decided to fuck with me.

Today i left my house in the later part of the afternoon. I was in a great mood. I got dressed in my cute hemp crocheted hippie "Almost Famous"-like shirt and put some makeup on my face. nothing fancy but let's just say i was fucking RADIATING today for some apparent reason. You know, the days when you get dressed up and you just feel great about how you look and confident? it was one of those awesome days.



I went outside, walking around my neighborhood and was looking at everything, soaking it all in. As i walked down the sidewalk i saw NONE OTHER THAN THE RPJ walking towards me on this lovely Sunday afternoon with his lady friend of the moment.

I could see the "oh fuck" expression in his face. if you've read my posts before you know this man was/is like my WHITE WHALE. my moby FUCKing dick. The one guy i really want but will most likely never have - but i'm willing to act a fool and do anything to possibly get him. I AM CAPTAIN AHAB in this situation, basically.





So i saw the "oh fuck" expression - or maybe just a "awkward" expression. BUT instead of being awkward back, or adding to the "most painfully awkward interactions i've ever had with a man" top ten list that is included with every single time i've ever seen the RPJ, i decided to play it cool. i gave my most disarming, sweet smile, said "Hey, RPJ*" and on top of everything I LOOKED REALLY FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TODAY.

(*sidenote: his name - which i can't write in this blog post just in case he ever would somehow see this post, even though he will most likely never will - is the most delicious name to come out of your mouth. You feel flirty and free saying it and you wish you could whisper it in his ear so badly, but like i said, he is my Moby Dick. When you have a crush on someone, their name is so beautiful to hear and you just wanna write it into a song and sing it in the shower, hear it bouncing off the walls, enveloping your ears and echoing back to you. This may sound like crazy-talk, but hard-core crushes include intense adoration like the sounds of names or the weird observance of the way they walk or wondering how they look stark naked.)

He responded with a warm smile, hello, and how are you as well. He was with a woman who i suspect is older than me. He must be into women his age. But i swear if he just gave me an afternoon i'd change his mind.


The reason i'm even bothering to write about this interaction is because I'm so happy I was able to have at least ONE NON-PAINFULLY AWKWARD interaction with the crush that rejected me. It's hard to see someone who you asked out on a date and rejected you. It's not something you want to do every Sunday. But I'm glad i took the opportunity to make amends and just "be cool." At least now i can hope he doesn't realize how big of a crush i had on him and how embarrassed i was when i was around him before.


I like to think someday this will not all be so hard.

commodifying love

In the recent days, I've noticed many posts on my facebook relate to weddings and babies. and that's all fine. There are different stages we go through in our life and when we are happy about those stages we want to celebrate and share them with others.

My issues with this is when it becomes a carefully curated thing, losing all genuineness and sincerity - it's more about what others see than what you see or how you feel about it [loving relationships]. Because in the scenarios I'm about to mention, you're seeking approval from the world,  not your own self or your partner.

I've been seeing a new trend in wedding videography where people HAVE TRAILERS for their wedding video. What is this? Besides your family and close friends who will be buying this? What is the purpose of sharing intimate moments ("first look", walk down the aisle, notes from each other, vows) to every person on the internet, including people who do not know you?

I feel like weddings and private celebrations have become sick opportunities to "out-do" your peers, show-off. Prove or perhaps create a life you don't actually lead. What does it matter what strangers think of your private life?

What happened to proposals being a private affair between two people who are madly in love? I know see proposal videos everywhere - extravagant, choreographed flash mobs??? What has society become. Nothing is sacred I guess. We are not celebrities. We are not significant public figures. We are people living our lives.
 









 



Another thing I've seen is posts about newlyweds cooking for their husbands - IN PICTURES WITH APRONS ON. I understand your excitement. But you have been raised in a post-Women's movement generation. You're essentially back-pedaling when you post patriarchal, old school photos of you "cookin' for your man." It's great you are a loving partner. But where are his pictures of himself in AN APRON COOKING FOR YOU? or does he just sit and watch football and drink beers while you slave in the kitchen? BECAUSE IF SO, THAT'S BULLSHIT.  You love your husband and your life - but why not show that in a non-misogynistic way? Gardening together, out together? These things put you on even levels not in a demeaning, old-school social realm that needs to die off. You are re-enforcing a very bad stereotype.

 










Or perhaps, if you do get joy out of that why do you want to show that on FB? Why would others who are not you or your husband care or be happy about that happening? If you do that does that mean you have a perfect marriage and are a "good" partner?




I guess if it is important for you for people to know every moment in your life and approve of the way you live your life, that's fine. Whatever floats your boat. I just think the constant commodification of love is really disgusting to me as an outsider and I feel it takes away a lot of the private mysteries you share as a couple.


 



It seems with my generation everyone needs to know everything about you and "if there are no pictures it didn't happen."

I think that is a horrible way to live one's life. It also feeds into some sort of self-entitlement or ego problem you need to get rid of. The ego can be a very ugly, ugly thing if fed too often.