Passion

I've been thinking a lot about passion, bliss, joy and love, lately - but it is not a person all these emotions are pouring out to.

I've been thinking about all these four words in regards to living one's life.  I realize I'm not raising any new questions here.  People asks themselves these things all the time: "Am I living my life?  Or am I just going thru the meaningless motions I no longer notice that I am cultivating day by day?"  After a long hibernation of not asking this of myself, I have begun.

This past year has truly been a blah respite.  At first, when I finished undergrad last December, I resented the boredom and monotony.  To rid myself of this I chose to do things I'd never done before or thought I couldn't do. Like running 5ks.  Since I never run, this goal proved to be a tough one, but well worth it.  Now I can run 5ks and not feel like I will have a heart attack afterwards!  Joy.

Another thing I had stopped doing was singing & acting.  Ever since Fall '08 I had stopped my private voice study for the first time in 12 years.  Singing is a big part of my life and always will be.  Sadly, ever since I came back from Italy in April '09, I had let this passion go by the way-side.  So, seeing that I had chose to do things I'd neglected, I tried out for a musical in Feb of '10.  I hooked back up w/ my old voice teacher and we went over the audition piece.  I could tell which voice muscles had not flexed in awhile.  But, as much as I could not longer belt out Italian arias over a crowd of Macaroni Grill eaters (i did this job before i left for Italy) my voice could still sound beautiful!!!  It was a true feeling of passion to hear the melodies come soaring out again.  Performance makes me feel this way.  It makes me connect to my heart in the deepest way I know possible.  To hear and feel the emotion vibrate thru the vocal chords is exhilarating for me.  The musical I tried out for was Gypsy.  I was set on getting the role of a washed up prostitute - a minor character, a character that would be the object of hilarious fodder for the audience.  It was fun to get nervous again for a try-out.  I hadn't felt that  feeling in my stomach since Master Classes during undergrad.  Try-outs are like mini wars w/ yourself.  Despite a triumphant pace home or a sulk back to the fort - whatever the outcome - you get up the next morning and can at least say you made it thru. You're still alive.

I DID NOT get the prostitute part I had hoped for.  The young director said I was not what he was looking for: "you're young and can sing well, I want old, fat and bad singers- why didn't you try-out for a lead?!"  He did offer me a small role of a "Hollywood Blonde", but I did not accept.  The audition was enough of an accomplishment.

I used to blog more frequently too.  This personal blog is helping me to get back to my writing skills.  I've also started journal writing again.  Never underestimate the power of the journal.  It truly is a great vehicle for self-reflection and for answering those inquiries that may develop by your third entry.  Like running, hopefully i'll be able to run a 5k w/ my pen on the paper one day.  That seems to have gotten lost as well.   Poems have become my little friends again!  They got the invites, i just have to convince them to come to the party.

I no longer resent the respite that has run its course.  I look back - as i am awaking now from this sort of year long hibernation - and realize that you definitely need those periods in life sometimes.  When production is low, and "boredom" is high you're allowed to take a breather and think.  And sometimes from this deep boredom comes a lot of reflection which can bring forth the passion that has been lacking.  Weird how life seems to circle all the time.  Boredom > Reflection > Passion.

I know I am going to be SUPER busy from Grad school starting in the Fall and busy finding my life around my new city.  But after this huge respite, I am determine to make life much more creative and impassioned this year.  I've had time for many ideas to grow and I am dying to pick and sell them at the market.  So far, I've decided before next year is over i will be cast in a show/be in a choir, join a writing group, and get published (anywhere, for anything!).

I am remembering my passions! I feel so grateful and happy to be feeling this energy again!!!  I think passion was really summed up very well by Meryl Streep in this Inside the Actor Studio interview (start @ 2.50).  The feeling of it is truly transcendent and full of grace, purpose. 

Also - an article that seemed to say some things i just did, but FAR MORE ELOQUENTLY was by Yogi, Kathryn Budig.

Listen and Read and try to remember what makes you feel most alive!  Then make a first move.  Even if the attempt sucks, i promise you will feel more alive after you try.

peace & love to you & yours....

Chicago weekend & Anusara Workshop

Namaste!

This weekend i will be attending an Anusara Yoga workshop by Yogi, Amy Ippoliti in Chicago at the Moksha Center. 
I went to Anusara founder, John Friend's tour in March and it was life-changing.  I've been practicing Anusara Yoga for a year and a half.  Anusara is truly something that has grown close to my heart.  I know like John's workshop, Amy's will be challenging as well but TOTALLY worth it.  I always come out of a session as a  Blissed-out person.  All the running i do keeps me fit, but definitely does not provide the same philosophical side that Anusara yoga does for me. I truly believe any life changing exercise must enlighten mind and soul, as well as body. 

I am going to be staying w/ one of my bffl in her exquisite downtown apartment.   So excited to see her.  We plan on seeing SATC2. And, yes, despite it being utterly ridiculous and counter-productive to the feminist movement - I still want to swoon over John Corbet in Abu Dhabi!!!

If the weather is awesome, i am going to have to lounge by Lake Michigan for a bit. I cannot get enough sun!!!

ACL ticket - Sunday line up

Hey there, Internet!

I purchased my ticket for ACL.  Going for the Sunday line-up.  Although highly mainstream I still really wanted to see these bands.  The line-up for Sunday is:::::::

The Eagles - I'm gonna see them Flaming Lips - I'm gonna see THESE BASTARDS! Norah Jones- I'm going to respectfully hum along to her  Band of Horses The National Robert Earl Keen Yeasayer - YEA, i say. Portugal. The Man Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros - I'm going to blow bubbles in their general direction  Rebelution Devendra Banhart and the Grogs - I'm going to laugh and walk away (unless he impressively surprises me - or if Joanna Newsom somehow miraculously shows up as a s.g.) Gayngs Richard Thompson Martin Sexton Midlake Foals Switchfoot - no.  Cage the Elephant The Morning Benders Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue Henry Clay People Blind Pilot Dawes The Constellations T. Bird and the Breaks Frank Turner The Relatives MyNameIsJohnMichael SPEAK Maxim Ludwig & The Santa Fe Seven Ashley Cleveland & Kenny Greenberg Buddy & The Straight Way Travelers Ruby Jane  and whomever the others are, i am not that cool to know anything about them.  will google and LaLa them tonight.