Dating as a Millennial: WTF.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Oscar Wilde

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Millennials: there are no precise dates when the generation starts and ends. Researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from the early 1980s to the early 2000s. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials

I went to the Red Derby this weekend. I spoke to a Frenchman for 40 minutes who then told me he was married - "I haf tu mayke a confeshion"- he wasn't wearing his ring.  I then spoke to a very hawt man who took my number and then immediately told me his gf is moving away in two weeks. WTF.

I'm trying to no longer complain about the DC dating scene. But before I stop complaining, I wanted to explore questions I am SO CONFUSED by in today's dating world.

Am I asking too much? 
What I'm looking for is a man who wants to take me on dates, and ultimately, only wants to sleep w/ me, exclusively. I do not want a husband, partner, roommate. I guess what I want is called a "boyfriend."  Not a hook-up, a one night stand, a fling, or "friend-with-benefits".  Nothing is wrong with any of these situations. If I was in that place right now in my life, I'd be into that, but right now I'm looking for more.

Am I old fashioned and unrealistic?
Right now I'm looking for a little commitment. I want to know I am respected and the only one they are sleeping with. And if they do not want to do that anymore, that is fine. I just want to be dumped before they sleep w/ someone else.

Does what I want no longer exist?
I still do not believe I am asking for THAT much. Yes, I am asking for mutual respect, time, love and affection, honesty.  But I guess these things increase in rarity as I get older.

Is this the new normal?  Am I the only one who didn't get the memo/isn't into casually hooking-up w/ no emotions or feelings? 
Some of my friends date w/ no strings attached; meaning they are in casual amorphous relationships.  They never know if the man/woman they are dating is "here to stay," never going to call them again, or if they even want to be in the current state. They are open to any and all possibilities. Maybe if I didn't care as much I'd be there. But right now, I do not want to spend time with a man who "isn't sure" I am worth his time and respect.

Some of my friends are virgins - yes i know, i didn't believe it as first either - and are waiting.

Some of my friends exclusively have sporadic one night stands, nothing more.

Some of my friends are seeking all the qualities of a relationship - minus the commitment. These are mostly my male friends. They want companionship, sex & fun, but do not want to be called a boyfriend and want to have sex w/ anyone else whenever they want. ISN'T THAT SWEET. But - these men are upfront from the beginning. So - I cannot label them as liars. They are honest - at least :(

My friend, M, from NYC described the way I feel about dating beautifully:
"You know that feeling when you've been hungry for a really long time, and then you pass the hunger feeling and no longer feel hungry anymore? The effort to eat outweighs the desire, so you just go to bed?"

My feelings about dating are this EXACT analogy. I want to meet a nice guy but I do not want to try online dating. The effort and work one puts in "finding" someone is not something I am currently up for. I just want it to happen on it's own. But does that even happen anymore in this world?!
 
I have never used an online dating app or website. I am scared of them and also I do not want to date that badly. I don't have the time to invest, so why am I complaining? If I don't have the time to search, maybe I don't have time for a relationship?

Also right now my life is drama free. And that is something I want to continue.
I whine about all this a lot and I will try to stop. But it is hard when what you want isn't available to you.  Like anyone, I miss the affection or attention of a man. It's icing on the cake. But I need to remember how good the cake tastes w/out icing.

 Sometimes I worry I will become desperate and eventually lower my standards. I hope I never do that.

Anywho - my new goal is to continue dating myself and not worry/whine about dating. Here's to DAY ONE.


To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

Oscar Wilde