Nothing can be done

Come a rain storm put your rubbers on your feet
Comes a snow storm you can get a little heat
Comes love nothing can be done
Comes a fire then you know just what to do
Blow a tire You can buy another shoe
Comes love nothing can be done
Don’t try hidin?
'Cause there isn’t any use
You’ll start slidin?
When your heart turns on the juice
Comes a headache you can lose it in a day
Comes a toothache see the dentist right away
Comes love nothing can be done!

Comes a heat wave you can hurry to the shore
Comes a summons you can hide behind the door
Comes love Nothing can be done
Comes the measles you can quarantine the room
Comes a mousie you can chase it with a broom
Comes love nothing can be done
That’s all brother
If you’ve ever been in love
That’s all brother
You know what I’m speaking of!
Comes a nightmare you can always stay awake
Comes depression you may get another break
Comes love nothing can be done!



WC's world came crashing down today and unfortunately i got to be "apart" of it.

I was solicited to speak to WC via fb chat and it turns out it wasn't really WC,  it was his 7 year live-in gf? i was messaging with this live-in gf. She messaged me seconds later to tell me it was her, how i ruined her life, blah blah blah.

although i do feel bad, i have to believe i was not the reason, but a factor in the demise.

i can tell you i have learned i will NEVER ever ever EVER flirt with an attached man.
woooo! what a doozy.
can you imagine if this involved a wife and children? i used to say i drew the line at wife and children, but because of this major fiasco, I'm revising that to "no significant others" PERIOD. 

it's made me think twice about kissing anyone.  


Love is so much more powerful than I once thought.

The Hang Up

I'm still hung up on the RPJ.  For those of you just dropping in - that stands for the Rogue Photo Journalist. A crash and burn that happened earlier this month. Every time i leave the subway i see an Ad poster of his work which is being featured in not ONE but TWO major international art galleries!!!

Sometimes my unfulfilled crushes die hard. That's why i always try to fulfill them. :P

The WC (Work Crush) is still in love with me. He sends me love letters via texts and facebook messages all the time.

I think i fell in love with him.  And i think i would be with him if three major things were true:

1. if he was single
2. if he lived in the same state as me
3. if i wasn't half his age

But those things will never come true so I moved on three weeks ago. It's hard, but it's easier when there are hard facts that will never change and you have no control over them. 

PLUS why the FUCK would i want to be with someone WHO ISN'T SINGLE. wtffffffffffff is that about. No thanks, asshole. 

A goddamn marathon

ex- secret lover emailed me 5 times last night. then i responded. i told him even if he did move here i couldn't guarantee anything. he emailed me back and told me to never contact him again. even though i didn't initiate the emails/contact, i still feel a bit blue. he was harsh in his last email. understandably, but it hurt my feelings.

i'm not delusional and can't pretend like having a man move half way across the country for me and quit his job would be a great idea. i won't have much to lose if it didn't work out. but he will have essentially uprooted his entire life to be with me. that's too much responsibility for me to handle.  

mawkish

"typical seconds of my day: 

wake and think of you;

you must be at work or stuck in traffic.

as I go to sleep i think of you, 

imagining how I'll manage to see you,

what happens when I do; 

and between waking and sleep:

a little rush of hope

that it's a message from you--

riding the roller coaster at a fair, 

slow moving

lots of dips and rises. 

Oh, we're lovers in this life,

although it ain't curtains yet.

 (you never know).

Must be responsible now. 

Sending this later."

à la mode

she is your  apple pie

but i am the à la mode. 

We are always getting ready to live, but never living

My secret ex-lover emailed me today.......

I heard this today: We are always getting ready to live, but never living (looked it up--RWE), and it really struck me because its meaning is part of what I love about you (distinct from saying why I love you, of course). By your example you inspire me to live, to be better than I am, to aspire to grasp for what's just out of reach. #mawkishbuttrue 

My do I miss my ex-secret lover. 

Obviously, I am not going to pretend that I believe I inspire this in people. But it is nice to hear flattering things about one's self. And not just, "You're hawt, sexy. I like your _fill in the blank____. You're so funny."

I will be bold here, though, and say I have accomplished things in my life and still have a HUGE LONG list of more To-Dos. It is fun to cross them off. No matter how difficult or impossible they seemed when you started, when you reach them (BIG OR SMALL) they are SO EFFING GRATIFYING. 

I'm high off change (always get that was from major transitions in my life) right now - so this could be the delirium speaking - but the most SATISFYING thing is when the life you live matches the one you live in your head. It happened when I lived in Austin and I hope to continue this balanced brain-and-dream-living in D.C. 

I hope in this life I can be someone who continues to live and isn't getting ready to live. 

The images in the video below really don't have anything to do with this post - I wanted to share the song. BUT by coincidence - the images in the video are of people who really lived. 

Fire with Fire

Rhett Butler: I can't go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands.

My ex- secret lover is suddenly posting on FB. He has 9 friends. Is it for me? I VAINLY choose to think so.

But he chose to post a picture of him eating a local Austin Ramen place.  I see a dress print across from the large steaming Ramen bowl. To the left of the pint of asian beer.



And I don't like that. But it also did sober me and and I started seeing red. Not that I'm mad at him.  I'm not mad at him. Just the situation. He is a classic case of Ashley Wilkes. And I am Scarlett O'Hara.  He is a great man, but he will never have the balls to follow his emotional fiery spirit. He is Ashley and will live a long, "sweet" life with her.



And like a Scarlett O'Hara - I may at times lust after Ashley Wilkes, but what i REALLY need is Rhett Butler.  I need a man to kiss me the way a woman should be kissed and often. And even though Scarlett and Rhett did not have the most healthy relationship, it was one of thrilling passion and two strong willed equals having it out.  I'd much rather be with a man who can rise to my height than one who is always kneeling at my feet. It's sweet, but it's hard to respect a push-over.






It's the smoke I'm looking to follow down the streets to get to the fire.














Scarlett: Great balls of fire! It's Rhett!




Rhett Butler: No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.

With great reckless abandon.

My most recent lover is mourning me with great reckless abandon. I do miss him so.

But, alas, I must be the One and Only, not just some other woman. Also it doesn't help that I was the firecracker to set off his mid-life crisis. I think I left him very confused and out of sorts. I didn't mean to. Just wanted to kiss him till his lips were sore and runaway to Big Sur w/ him. That was really all i had in mind.

"yes, big sur. i would be laughing and smiling the whole time, for the reasons you expect and imagine, but also because i would find it infinitely humorous to be in such beautiful places and never want to leave the tent because all i wanted to gaze at was in it." *jaw drops from romance*

sent from him: "What’s the best aspect of the Capricorn-Aquarius relationship? It’s the unbreakable bond they form when they come together. This relationship will be enlightening and a delight to both partners."

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! too bad we live completely different lives, in completely different places.

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST. 

50 shades of .......

hotel bar. i walk in with a black dress on and heels. I want to order a martini because that will mean i am sophisticated, but instead i order a margarita. I am in Texas after all.

we meet eyes across the room. he comes over. i introduce myself as Lola. Because whatever Lola wants Lola gets. We talk about everything we can't say too loudly. Then i order champagne. 

We kiss on our way up in the elevator. You can't control yourself. We get into the room. You close the curtains. I plug in the music. You turn on the low lights.

You unzip my little black dress from the back, kissing me on the back of my neck as you go down. I help you unbutton your lilac checkered shirt. The one that hugs you, make you look devilishly handsome.

Then we proceed to have everything we wanted for so long.





\

dreams and last days

prose excerpt: " i have to say, i find you irresistible and that's why I'm risking so much.what do want? i've never done this before." In my hammock swinging, fireflies gathered 'round. Pizza. Gelato. James Bond sex scenes. The one with the shark pit. Don't get thrown in. Too late.

This weekend was a Dottie West tale.

And Van Morrison is still present for all my major life moments. His music makes me nostalgic for things that haven't happened to me yet. 

"We were born before the wind

Also younger than the sun

Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic

I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
And together we will float into the mystic"

the song is you.

i had a Jim & Pam from The Office sort of evening.

me and my work crush (WC) confessed our mutual crushes for each other in the park. this is a year long story....

it was pretty much the most romantic thing i've done in awhile.


 

we talked about all the times during the past year we wanted to tell each other but couldn't. we talked about all the times we had company parties and i would look across the room for him and he would already be staring.  and then we'd smile and that was it.

i'm glad it happened before i left.

and now i feel all romantical.................


"Down deep in my heart, I hear it say,
Is this the day?

I alone have heard this lovely strain,
I alone have heard this glad refrain:
Must it be forever inside of me,
Why can't I let it go,
Why can't I let you know,
Why can't I let you know the song
My heart would sing?

That beautiful rhapsody
Of love and youth and spring,
The music is sweet,
The words are true -
The song is you."