24 Questions Single Girls Are Tired Of Being Asked

http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/questions-single-girls-are-tired-of-being-asked#.rwy5n8DVJ

I made out with a Russian Journalist on Saturday night. I stupidly shared this fun flirty story with my mother and a friend. Both immediately responded with:

"well are you going to go out with him, was he nice?"

 No probably not cuz I was drunk and I do not want to date.  I finally became secure with my intuition which is telling me not to focus on romantic relationships.

Watching a Frances Ha movie Q & A recently, the actress Greta Gerwig said they set out to make a film that wasn't about a girl finding the man of her dreams. She said, "if that's the climax, the point of the story, well frankly that's not good enough."

It's annoying how at holiday parties people ask how you're doing. then they ask with a glint in their eye, "seeing anyone special???" It's just annoying. As if that is the best thing that could happen to you. There are 5 million other better things than that. Money, Italian, Chocolate, Coffee, Movies, Art, Cookies, Sushi, Books .... 

There are so many more things in life, in our story, than the opposite sex. It's unfortunate how society makes men such an asset. Maybe less so in the "1st world" but it's horrible how men control the destiny of so many women in our world - specifically prostitution industries, child brides, communities where women have no rights.

Also, I've been hearing more of the exhaustion and tiredness, boringness of marriage/children lately. I don't know if I only notice this b/c I agree or if the current trend is to complain about life on the Internet. I do think the Internet tends to take regular life and whine about it. But Life isn't a fucking instagram feed!!! Life isn't as glamorous as it is on social media and that bothers people.

COUPLES ARE BORING.

COUPLES SUCK.

tonight i was out with my trivia team and my one trivia mate brought his gf. i like her and they are fun. but tonight we started talking about dating. it was 2 single people in the group and 3 coupled people. We were a bit outnumbered.

both me and the other single person stated why dinner is not a first date option, more of a 3rd date option. 1st dates are for casual stuff; drinks, bowling, origami making, podcasting, YOU KNOW.

3rd dates can be dinners. You don't want to eat awkwardly on a first date. not sexy. at all.

The couple insisted their first date was a dinner date. well fuck them.

I also said how on a dinner date i would prefer the man to pay for my dinner. ON THE FIRST DINNER DATE HE NEEDS TO PAY FOR MY DINNER. if he can't or doesn't want to pay for my $12-22.00 pasta dish he can go fuck himself. I AM WORTH far more than a $12-22.00 pasta dish. After the first date we can ease up and split checks, but the first REAL dinner date is important to me. ALSO all my favorite and most caring ex-boyfriends ALWAYS paid for my food the whole time we were dating. IMAGINE THAT.

I was called out on this practice as well. i was told i was NOT FEMINIST AND ANTI-EQUALITY. 

COUPLES ARE STUPID.

i was also told a classics story that most couples tell you. Since they are not in the dating scene they don't understand what it is like to date, how to act. I was told i needed to ask more men out on dates, be more aggressive, approach men.

Personally, i'm not opposed to approaching a man to start a conversation, but i do not want to ask him on a date. I'd rather talk to him, flirt, see if he's interested. If he is interested he will ask me out. IF HE IS NOT, HE WILL NOT ASK ME OUT. and that will save me time. I've asked out men in the past and whenever i've done that it's ended shittily. why? BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T INTO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE.

COUPLES SUCK AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. 

just keep doing your thing. there is no right way to date and you cannot tell the future. 

i'd rather be alone & happy than married & miserable. 

WASHINGTON D.C.: MOST LITERATE, MOST ALONE.

I find it fascinating that both these news stories broke today:
D.C. is the 2nd best city for singles: http://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/2014/best-cities-singles/

It also is the #1 most well-read, most literate US city. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/02/06/washington-d-c-is-still-americas-most-literate-city/

WASHINGTON D.C.: MOST SINGLE PEOPLE, MOST LITERATE.

This leads me to the following questions:
Are smart people shitty at dating?

Are smart people too intelligent to date? Meaning too aware of the pitfalls and tragedies dating can bring, so therefore avoid or reject it.

Are people in DC so busy reading books and articles on the internet they do not need human interaction?

Are people in DC too socially awkward and nerdy to find partners?

Are intelligent people arrogant, too picky when choosing a mate?

IS THIS WHY IT'S SO DAMN HARD TO DATE HERE????

this video explains my theory:

You're gonna make it after all.

I finished a project management seminar my company sent me to for two days today. It was at a hotel in downtown DC so i got to pretend I was Mary Tyler Moore in the morning business crowds. No hat to toss though. Can't stand the hat hair. I settled on wearing tights and a skirt from Banana Republic.



I learned a whole lot. I was reminded of the Work Breakdown System (WBS) I studied for a semester in my masters program. The seminar leader said many good sentences that related not only to project management but also real life. One that resonated with me was:

"I cannot reach perfection but I can reach excellence," shown bright on his power point.

He also said procrastinators tend to be perfectionists.

Obviously, he was talking about me. I had no idea it was common knowledge that both traits typically resided as a pair, but now, suddenly, everything makes a whole lot more sense.

Besides my basic personality trapping me into a nasty perfectionism habit, I believe growing up as an American Woman is a big part to deal with it as well.

I feel as an American we emphasize competition, being the best, being "special", standing higher than the "average" crowd.  There has always been a pressure to be "the best" - and sometimes one can equate this need to be the best with being "perfect."

Besides this American ideal of being an independent, self reliant being at all times, throw the WOMAN factor in there:

As a woman in America there is a tremendous pressure to be all the things everyone in your life needs you to be. You must be the "perfect" mother, daughter, sister, lover, employee, artist, mother goddess, yogi....the list can go on as long as you think it can.

The media perpetuates these two beliefs through ads.  I found a recent article in the Atlantic to be really disturbing regarding how advertisers try to market to women when they "feel their most ugly." This graphic below is from that article.




SO THAT'S PRETTY MESSED UP.

The fact that the media is targeting women, and trying to feed off our already deflated esteem is pretty sick.

We must strive for excellence - not perfection - in order to stop these daily assaults our self-worth experiences.

I'm going to add this idea to my daily practice. Instead of perfection, I'm going to seek excellence. I'd rather chase after something I know I may eventually be able to catch.

It reminds me again of one of my favorite Mary Oliver poems:

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

PSA: To Men who DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

Saturday night my friend asked me to go to a DC comedy showcase with her.  I had nothing to do after i came back from the exhibit and i thought, "well sure, what the hell i have nothing else going on."

She told her friend J that i was coming with. WELL J is friends with the LAWYER. the lawyer that took me to Le Diplomat - the lawyers that took me on a bunch of awesome dates and reminds me of the comedian Louie CK - for vague reasons - the lawyer i wanted to see more of..sorta.  And this LAWYER was going to the comedy show as well.

My roomie texted J to tell him i was coming. He responded with, "um no. don't bring her." So I guess J didn't want me to go, due to his friend not liking me. The lawyer hasn't spoken to me in 3 weeks and dropped off the face of the earth. It sucks, but it's ok.

Here's my issue with this situation.
Situation: When you go on multiple dates with a man and nothing is wrong and you have fun and that man you went on the dates with suddenly drops off of the face of the planet.

I'd much prefer that instead of you DROPPING OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH, to tell me in person/via text that you want to be friends instead. EVEN IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS, at least humor me and tell me in person, "you'd rather be friends". If you tell me "i want to be friends" i will take it as you are no longer interested in seeing me," not as "we are friends." i'm not stupid and i know code words and phrases just like you do b/c i have used them before as well. Idiot.

This way, i do not have to have you in the maybe category. i can have you in the NO category. i can give my attention to the other men i am dating and stop wasting a thought on you.

I realize why you don't want to tell me and would rather DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH than do so. I realize you want to have the easy way out. You think that if you never say anything it's better than possibly hurting my feelings. you think i will forget about you OR you think if you never CLEARLY break it off, at some point you can call me again months later and i will respond with wanting to fuck you. SOMEHOW THIS MAKES SENSE IN YOUR MIND.

#1 - if you never clearly break it off, i'm MORE likely to remember it, and MORE LIKELY to be MORE UPSET WITH YOU - not forget it. It's decent to tell me you're not interested. I realize it's hard BUT PUT YOUR BIG BOY PANTS ON AND COMMUNICATE. TELL ME THE TRUTH. i promise it is better than letting me just be irrationally mad at you. if you told me, I'd know it was because you were not attracted to me - physically, intellectually, ___________ly.

#2 - if you think that I'm going to WANT TO FUCK YOU after you avoiding me for several months like i have the bubonic plague THEN YOU ARE AN IDIOT and need to not ever meet another woman again, in order to spare future generations of carrying on your stupidity in their genetic make-up.

So since i was DIS-INVITED to the comedy show b/c this LAWYER could not gather the balls to simply text or tell me in person he was no longer interested in me - I went to my friends' M & B's house and watched the Red Wings game. It was very fun. We won! And then i went to a Bocce Ball bar w/ my cousin and his friends - which was drunk and good and what i wanted to do that this Saturday night.


At this point if LAWYER contacts me it would just be pointless, so i don't really care now. I'm fine with the idea that he's "just not that into me." I just wish men were more able to eloquently express their feelings. It's totally cool if you don't dig me. Just don't DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH or give me silent treatment. It just makes me feel shittier than if you would've told the truth in the first place.

commodifying love

In the recent days, I've noticed many posts on my facebook relate to weddings and babies. and that's all fine. There are different stages we go through in our life and when we are happy about those stages we want to celebrate and share them with others.

My issues with this is when it becomes a carefully curated thing, losing all genuineness and sincerity - it's more about what others see than what you see or how you feel about it [loving relationships]. Because in the scenarios I'm about to mention, you're seeking approval from the world,  not your own self or your partner.

I've been seeing a new trend in wedding videography where people HAVE TRAILERS for their wedding video. What is this? Besides your family and close friends who will be buying this? What is the purpose of sharing intimate moments ("first look", walk down the aisle, notes from each other, vows) to every person on the internet, including people who do not know you?

I feel like weddings and private celebrations have become sick opportunities to "out-do" your peers, show-off. Prove or perhaps create a life you don't actually lead. What does it matter what strangers think of your private life?

What happened to proposals being a private affair between two people who are madly in love? I know see proposal videos everywhere - extravagant, choreographed flash mobs??? What has society become. Nothing is sacred I guess. We are not celebrities. We are not significant public figures. We are people living our lives.
 









 



Another thing I've seen is posts about newlyweds cooking for their husbands - IN PICTURES WITH APRONS ON. I understand your excitement. But you have been raised in a post-Women's movement generation. You're essentially back-pedaling when you post patriarchal, old school photos of you "cookin' for your man." It's great you are a loving partner. But where are his pictures of himself in AN APRON COOKING FOR YOU? or does he just sit and watch football and drink beers while you slave in the kitchen? BECAUSE IF SO, THAT'S BULLSHIT.  You love your husband and your life - but why not show that in a non-misogynistic way? Gardening together, out together? These things put you on even levels not in a demeaning, old-school social realm that needs to die off. You are re-enforcing a very bad stereotype.

 










Or perhaps, if you do get joy out of that why do you want to show that on FB? Why would others who are not you or your husband care or be happy about that happening? If you do that does that mean you have a perfect marriage and are a "good" partner?




I guess if it is important for you for people to know every moment in your life and approve of the way you live your life, that's fine. Whatever floats your boat. I just think the constant commodification of love is really disgusting to me as an outsider and I feel it takes away a lot of the private mysteries you share as a couple.


 



It seems with my generation everyone needs to know everything about you and "if there are no pictures it didn't happen."

I think that is a horrible way to live one's life. It also feeds into some sort of self-entitlement or ego problem you need to get rid of. The ego can be a very ugly, ugly thing if fed too often.

everybody needs a person

When it’s all said and done, even people who are perfectly lonely and perfectly alone – still need their person. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a good friend, a loyal family member – everybody needs a person. And the truth is if you act like you don’t care enough, people will eventually start to believe you. So if you feel like you care too much or feel too much or love too much, remember that the alternative is worse. We should all try to seek balance because virtue is that middle ground between any two extremes. But when it comes to love, I don’t know if there is such a thing as loving too much or showing that you love too much. And if there is, I think it’s commendable; not something to be ashamed of. Because if you don’t tell people and show people that you do care, that you do have feelings for them, that you do love them, how the hell are they supposed to know?

FROM:http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/the-one-who-cares-less/

The Hang Up

I'm still hung up on the RPJ.  For those of you just dropping in - that stands for the Rogue Photo Journalist. A crash and burn that happened earlier this month. Every time i leave the subway i see an Ad poster of his work which is being featured in not ONE but TWO major international art galleries!!!

Sometimes my unfulfilled crushes die hard. That's why i always try to fulfill them. :P

The WC (Work Crush) is still in love with me. He sends me love letters via texts and facebook messages all the time.

I think i fell in love with him.  And i think i would be with him if three major things were true:

1. if he was single
2. if he lived in the same state as me
3. if i wasn't half his age

But those things will never come true so I moved on three weeks ago. It's hard, but it's easier when there are hard facts that will never change and you have no control over them. 

PLUS why the FUCK would i want to be with someone WHO ISN'T SINGLE. wtffffffffffff is that about. No thanks, asshole. 

Coachella: Where Cultural Respect goes to die and Anorexia is Queen. Proof young women need role models.

I've never been to Coachella.  It's a two weekend music Fest in California.  Many "commoners" go, but also, young starlets go.  You know, the ones who are "cool" enough to get VIP passes.

The pictures coming out of this year's event are disturbing.  I've been seeing multiple young woman with paint on their faces akin to tribal marks and many wearing huge, elaborate Native American head dresses.  Call me crazy, but does this not have an air of cultural insensitivity and ignorance to it?  Even more ignorant since I have seen barely ANY pictures with people of color. Coachella seems extremely WASP-y and entitled.

Also - many of these same young women look emaciated, weak and dying.  They seem to exalt their unnatural thin frames.  Is this empowerment? 

When did "being a hippie/flower child" mean demeaning other people's cultural heritage and starving yourself? Why and how have the women of my generation become so ignorant and self-loathing? Where are the empowering figures they can look up to?

To Tallulah Willis' credit, she does talk about how it IS WRONG that a current trend for Coachella is to "do these crazy diets and not eat a month before Coachella" (at 3:57).  She talks about her own body issues at 2:57.

But DON'T WORRY. if you're not RICH, WHITE, or COOL you can create your own disrespectful stance at home. Through Couchella. 


Without strong women role models, young women suffer.  When women suffer, the whole household (both "traditional" or "unconventional" dynamics) suffers.  This leads to more suffering in the world.

We need to cultivate stronger women not only for ourselves, but society as a whole. Hopefully this is proof we are moving in a weird, retrogressive path.