band-aid

 


i look at your facebook page and see you with another new girl.
i'm ripping a band-aid off my arm, taking a bit of skin and hair with it.
eventually the ripping won't hurt anymore and
i won't even need the band-aid. 
but until then (i think it'll be here sooner than later),

i have a salve,
and friends,
and dreams so big
my arms do not fit around them.

waiting is very hard.
and believing in something you cannot see
or have never met is
even more difficult.

but that is how hope is sewn together,
how quilts are made,
how tides of people change things.

i am much stronger and older than i was last year,
i am more hopeful too.
it is all happening.
with no plans i am
full of possibilities. 

To love the moments we live in.

i had a beautiful walk all over the city today. i took a half day from work for an afternoon of doctor appointments. this wandering is something i rarely do. i walk with purpose even when i have no purpose. i walk very fast thinking of other things. i'm not in the moment. i also listen to my iphone or check apps. 

today i had no headphones. i let the world fill my ears and eyes. also, getting purposely lost, i had to focus on the little things to figure out where i was. it was great fun and i need to do it more often. now that the weather is good, i'm going to try to more. 

i wrote this on my "notepad" on my phone. when you get the feeling to write, you must write. and it was just one of those moments when the words were floating in my head and had to get out if i was going to remember the images i had seen today. 

Little girl bouncing along the hopscotch - the beads in her hair following suit. Jazz notes falling down the club stair case, floating through the air and taking a ride on my pounding of the pavement. I think Seaton street is my favorite. It's dripping with roses and ivy and all the houses are painted in the color of "home." To love the moments we live in. How easy one forgets.

and here are the pictures i took of Seaton street. I couldn't help it. 

you are limitless.

I never really believed that phrase, "the world is your oyster."
but lately I am beginning to believe it is right.







After months of wondering if i had anymore goals or dreams,
I've finally found the strength to daydream.
I'm finally allowing myself to dream big. And while dreaming big, I had these thoughts:

It's appalling to me how easily we believe others when they say what we can, can't, should, and shouldn't do.

Following your heart is the truest thing you can do for yourself and your dreams. If your heart is leading you somewhere or to something, it is for a reason. If your intentions are true, it will cancel out all the people that tell you not to do it. That said, it's good to have realistic goals.  And it is good to have a group of trusted individuals who you trust that can help guide you to your goals, shape them into being.

What holds us back?

• When someone tells us it's stupid.
• When someone says we can't do it; it's too hard.
• When someone tells us we're "crazy"
• When we tell ourselves we're not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, etc.

But all these thing are only words. They are not facts or based in any truth.
Yet, why do we invest so much belief into these false phrases??? Are we afraid of our goals, and using excuses lets us avoid that fear? Lets us ignore the fear and succumb to denial because it's easier than thinking about the truth?





I think all we can do in this world is daydream, dream, make many lists of those dreams and go out and do them.  There is no timeline, there is no shoulds or musts.

It's odd how the easiest and the hardest part is to follow your heart. But in a way that's the only thing you need to know. Whether it's sipping the early morning coffee or taking a trip to Brazil, however big or small, if we are living with true, thoughtful intentions and letting our hearts lead us, we will have the world at our fingertips.

So remember you are limitless.  Things people say are simply words, not truth. The only truth you have is the one within.































   

Pillars

Slowly but surely getting over the douchebag. I know I dodged a bullet, but the grazing of it past my skin is what I'm recovering from.

Today, whilst in hatred of men from my past, I began thinking about men in general. And I was surprised at what I found.

On the metro this morning, there was a group of three young priests, or more appropriately called, Seminarians, I believe?

They were all rosy cheeked, young men.  All smiling and making jokes. They wore long robes black outfits, very circa 1950s.  I have no idea where they were going or why but they seemed very content with where they were, which is a quality i always admire when i see it.

For some reason these three innocents reminded me that not all men are evil douchebags.




I've been blessed to have a number of strong, intelligent, loving, compassionate men who have walked in my life and some of them are still there, standing as pillars I can lean on whenever needed. Most of these men are from youth group, high school, or elementary school. I know I can call them anytime and they would be there to give me advice, listen or make fun of me when I most need it. They have all seen me cry and laugh until I cried. They are straight and gay, fat and thin, blood related and not.  They are each beautiful and strong in their own way.  But the quality I admire the most in them is that they have cared for me and continue to do so, despite distance, time, or my particular attitude that day.

So there is hope.  There are men that will love me, that do love me for who I am and would never want me to change.

And for their existence, I feel blessed.