https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7HdlyCzFrU

I saw Oprah two weeks ago and it gave me a priceless amount of INSPIRATION! Here's a clip I found of some great advice.

I can proudly say I am currently obsessed with metaphysics. I am a TOTAL believer in the law of attraction, karma, positivity.

My only addendum is that on the subject of positivity. It is important to practice positivity, but more important to practice gratitude. If you practice positivity all the time, of every waking moment, that's unhealthy. Being "happy" all the time is unhealthy, since happiness, like every other emotion/feeling is temporary. There is no way to sustain it. You can only embrace each emotion, then let it go when it wants to go. It's good to practice positivity, but when you're mad, sad, or confused there's no use in ignoring it or being upset with yourself. You are having the human experience in all it's joy and pains and in between.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

- by Rumi 

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

- See more at: http://allpoetry.com/poem/8534703-The-Guest-House-by-Mewlana-Jalaluddin-Rumi#sthash.TOUPfaS3.dpuf

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

- See more at: http://allpoetry.com/poem/8534703-The-Guest-House-by-Mewlana-Jalaluddin-Rumi#sthash.TOUPfaS3.dpuf

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

- See more at: http://allpoetry.com/poem/8534703-The-Guest-House-by-Mewlana-Jalaluddin-Rumi#sthash.TOUPfaS3.dpuf

Digital Witness

Millennials: there are no precise dates when the generation starts and ends. Researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from the early 1980s to the early 2000s. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials

I am considered to be a Millennial. Millennial have some great qualities. We volunteer more, we’re close to our families, and we are consistently open to new innovation and change, particularly when it comes to environmental regulations ... and new dating apps.*http://www.forbes.com/sites/danschawbel/2013/09/04/why-you-cant-ignore-millennials/ *

One of the downsides of being a Millennial, is dating as a Millennial. On a recent night when I complained to my mother that I wanted to meet a decent man to date, she replied, “Just get yourself made up and go to the corner bar with a girlfriend!” Unfortunately – or fortunately – it’s not that easy anymore.

We are a generation who is emotionally damaging each other through social networks; due to emotional unavailability and an unrealistic expectation of instant gratification.

It seems our digital selves are determining what happens when we're away from the screen. We meet people on social networks, we judge them from their digital representation (a sexy picture), we select one stands late at night after 5 cocktails and push the tiny glowing flame icon on our iPhone screen. We meet people via the internet. We have important conversations over texting, rather than pick up the phone. We dump people via text, email. How is this behavior shaping us and our emotionally expressive selves? Are we becoming or have we already become a culture that can only express things with acronyms in a 140 character text block?

The idea of meeting people via a dating application, like Tinder, is not new.  This same concept used to be in the medium of a personal ad you could post in the back of a newspaper. “Do you like Pina Coladas? Getting caught in the rain?” Online dating is not a bad thing and I personally know three married couples who met via Ok Cupid and they seem very content. I am all for new ways of communication; they are simply a new medium for the same idea. But at times, I feel like these social networks normalize emotional unavailability or avoidance. If you don’t like someone you don’t text them back, or de-friend them from your facebook.You no longer are "required" to have a conversation with anyone. You can disappear. Or so you think.

How do we get over past romantic paramours if all romantic attachments are frozen in a digital world? Each email of past lovely flirtations, every picture taken together, all instant messages are archived. They continue there, living and breathing frozen in time. In the past, if you stopped dating someone you never saw them again unless desired. Now, we can be ambushed by anyone from our past out of the blue.  Getting a blast from the past can become a daily ritual. Of course, deleting, and de-friending help with this predicament, but Google memorializes our every infatuation and breakup whether we like it or not. If cutting someone off suddenly from text or Facebook is a way to disappear, I would argue it's not working.

We need to be careful not to become detached. Numb to the face behind the profile page.  Behind there, there is a person of worth with something to offer you. If not a positive attribute, a lesson to be learned, a story to share. 

A second element Millenials need to focus on is "time." We exist in an instant gratification culture where we can get any song, food, or Netflix series delivered to us in no more than thirty minutes. Although we speed through our digital days, love remains one of the few things you cannot make instant. It’s true, if lucky you could feel an instant connection or attraction, but time is what creates true love.  Reading an “About me” section on a profile does not mean you now are compatible and know everything about that person. We are complex, beautiful beings and that is not translated on the web. Except for those digital copies of great works; the Mona Lisa, A Beatles song on Spotify. Those things do express the human experience. 

I am hoping we use this current dating world to our advantage; use it as a tool to initiate conversation, but not use it to replace our voice. Selecting someone from Tinder can be done, but once you select them, go on a date and get to know them. Don’t just have a 30 minute "hook-up" and peace out. You weren’t made for that. You were made to be loved and cared for on an emotionally open level. 

I am holding out for the serendipitous meeting in the coffee shop line, accidentally bumping into a handsome man at the gallery, the plane seat introduction, picking up my crushed tomatoes off the farmer’s market floor, but not alone. 

Your Flaws Make You Flawless (and 5 ways to embrace it)

Your Flaws Make You Flawless (and 5 ways to embrace it)

“You are wholeness. Not good, not bad.  Perfect by your imperfections.”

I heard this sentence in yoga class at age 21. From what I can remember, the Yoga Instructor started the conversation with explaining the root of a Sanskrit word, and somehow led into revealing this nugget of knowledge; “You are whole, not perfect, but whole.”

 I was born into a religious community that believed in “Original sin.” Confession was a regular sacrament.  This inherent badness needed to be cleansed from the soul. Yet no amount of Confession would ever clear it away. Cleanliness is next to godliness?

But what if I was enough? Wholly, uniquely myself, without looking for forgiveness or reasons to legitimize my worth? 

We all grow up with societal pressures.  Even with the most emotionally supportive parents, you can’t help but begin to hear “you’re too fat”, “You’re not tall enough”, “….skinny enough”, “…black enough”, “enough.” They say at age nine, girls reach their peak of self-esteem and then it begins to submerge into the murky waters of self-doubt*. 

Over happy hour, I recently spoke about this self-esteem epidemic with a friend. She abruptly broke out into reciting a Beyoncé song, “Pretty Hurts”: 

“Perfection is a disease of a nation, pretty hurts, pretty hurts/Pretty hurts, we shine the light on whatever's worst/We try to fix something but you can't fix what you can't see/It's the soul that needs the surgery”

I wouldn’t call myself a knowledgeable Beyoncé fan. If I hear her music on the radio I always do turn it up, but I had no idea about this song. As my friend sat across from me, uttering the last line, we both had glimmers of tears in our eyes as the last word, “surgery” dropped heavy on the bar top. The tears weren’t necessarily sad tears; they represented the realization of how delusional we are when it comes to doubting our self-worth.

The idea that you are enough, just the way you are, is an empowering concept - if one allows themselves to believe it. Once you believe that all your flaws make you flawless and that you are not good or bad, but simply you - the whole, limber body, beating heart, breathing you – an undeniable spring is put in your step. Your sulk becomes a strut.

Some people already know their true worth. They hold their heads high and do not question those silly, negative, self-hating thoughts, or believe people that make them feel small. But others need more practice. Case in point – yours truly.

How am I no longer continuing to be my own worst enemy? How am I reversing the unhealthy habit of negative self-thought? What was the first step in my healing? One afternoon, I looked into the mirror in my bathroom. No makeup or shower fog stood between me and my reflection. I had to face my whole self. I stared straight into my eyes and asked, “Do you think you’re worthwhile?”

Whether or not a tear rolls down your cheek doesn’t matter. Let the tears pour, let the words fall out of your mouth, feel the powerful step you just took. By taking this first step you’re beginning to disable and throw away the shitty, cheap, plastic toy block foundation of self-hate you’ve built within yourself.  You are now setting the first stone of a formidable marble masterpiece: a foundation of self-love and acceptance.

Like any significant change, this will take time, patience, and practice. Don’t expect an overnight fix. Don’t get mad at yourself. Some days, it will seem impossible to love yourself. But most days, the smallest effort of self-love will contribute to yielding a bed of roses for your whole soul to lie in. 

Here are some ways I cultivate self-love and appreciate my whole, flawlessly flawed self: 

1. I pamper myself: Mani/Pedi, Restorative yoga class, haircut, new dress, whatever makes you feel taken care of and comfortable.

2. I eat healthy and exercise on the regular: “Your body is a temple.” Treat it with the respect it deserves. Working out to lose weight is fine, but more importantly, you loving yourself by keeping your mind and body healthy. 

3. I do not compare myself to others: “Comparison is the thief of joy” – There is only one you. If you are going to be brave enough to be your authentic self, go all out! Be true to your winning characteristics and improve upon the ones you think you can master more. 

4. I embrace my talents and discover new ones: Do what makes you feel alive as often as possible. If you have a creative spirit, create. Following a passion is the sure way to success. If you have no idea what you’re good at, take a class and see if you uncover a hidden talent. 

5. I find a space to just be: Claim a park bench, library, coffee house, your bedroom and just be. Prioritize taking at least 10-15 minutes every day to just be and connect with yourself. Meditation can help this. 

Ok, no go on with your whole self.  

*http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Mirror_Mirror_Wall/

band-aid

 


i look at your facebook page and see you with another new girl.
i'm ripping a band-aid off my arm, taking a bit of skin and hair with it.
eventually the ripping won't hurt anymore and
i won't even need the band-aid. 
but until then (i think it'll be here sooner than later),

i have a salve,
and friends,
and dreams so big
my arms do not fit around them.

waiting is very hard.
and believing in something you cannot see
or have never met is
even more difficult.

but that is how hope is sewn together,
how quilts are made,
how tides of people change things.

i am much stronger and older than i was last year,
i am more hopeful too.
it is all happening.
with no plans i am
full of possibilities. 

My future ex-husband and RuPaul

 My future ex-husband, Marc Maron, spoke with RuPaul today on his podcast. I REALLY enjoyed this WTF podcast episode. Marc and RuPaul touched on:

• finding your true self, 
• shedding the labels society puts on you
• shedding the identity you unconsciously may be shackling yourself to
• the importance of being fearless

all the while peppering the conversation with TONS of hearty laughter.

I love Marc Maron's podcast because he and his guests touch on subjects that are a part of the human experience (ie: those sucky emotions, "heavy shit", life's major questions, the purpose of life),but he approaches these subjects with warm humor, compassion, and genuine interest. These are things we as a culture do not always talk about, but his podcast makes it approachable, interesting and .... really entertaining!

RuPaul had some AMAZING insights on how we choose to live. How these choices can free you or deplete you. How to let go of fear and live a life without fear.

My favorite quote was "Ru - Don't take life too fucking seriously!" listen AT 40:55!!!!

LISTEN HERE:
http://www.wtfpod.com/

http://www.wtfpod.com/podcast/episodes/episode_498_-_rupaul_charles

breakthrough.

For the first time in a LONG time, i felt whole. I felt that everything I needed, I had. I wasn't wanting anything, I wasn't missing anything; I felt truly complete. It happened at yoga last night and it was a personal highlight for me this year.  I was in the half moon pose!!!

i have been getting signs lately. and it's getting me really excited. I can hear my intuition clearly now and I'm confident it's leading somewhere magical. for awhile there, I couldn't hear it at all and didn't know what to do. I was feeling shame, guilt, and apologizing for no reason.

my future goals are more visible now, but i am also trying to live in the present. it's a balancing act that only gets better with practice. that's what I've learned these past few months.

ALSO can i just say, "The Four Agreements" has been an amazing read these past few months. It may seem at first like hippe bullshit, but it is a book which has reminded me about things that are key to have in finding personal acceptance, contentment, confidence. 

give hugs.

i saw the white whale in the grocery store on the 17th. i heard my name being called from across the crowded aisle. and somehow i was transformed into a holy deity. I had a graceful conversation and even GAVE A HUG to the white whale.  For some reason I felt a great compassion in that moment.  I realized I had moved on and forgiven him and he still felt bad for hurting me.

Sometimes the right thing to do is just be nice to those who need it more than you, rather than bitter.i realized the white whale needed a hug of forgiveness more than a punch in the face of bitterness.