SXSW

my band is playing like 20 times next month due to the SXSW craze.

i am soooo excited!!!!

insecurities

i just got a notice on a local conference on my profession.

a bunch of people i know from grad school are presenting really cool projects (or at least making them sound cool, when i know exactly what they did).

i wish i would be involved in my profession doing cool things. but i need another job first. i need to be patient.

i get a lot of fulfillment from my band and writing. but i should remember to add professional projects to that list.

this is 20-something

omg i just had a job interview and i nailed it and i don't even know if i want it. or if i wanna live in the location and i'm so effing confused.

the rant

my roommate always makes SNIDE COMMENTS on whatever i make for dinner and everything i eat. most of the time on week days i make pasta w/ veggies, grilled cheese with tomato soup or tuna fish sandwiches with soup. I have neither money or time, so unless i make a big dinner the night before, my dinners in are not stellar or fancy.

They always say it's "funny" or "oh, and it's tuna fish and soup for you, again, ha!"

ASOJDSDIOFOSNVFLAHFOIANVKLSNOUGFWRINBVKADNGVOUWRHGBOANDBOAQOVBWHORVBWORVOW!!!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

both my roommates refuse to eat bread or cheese. they act like i am a HUGE fatty for eating whatever i want, whenever i want to. Last night my ice cream sandwich was met with contempt.

It's really annoying, cuz I don't even think i am an unhealthy eater. I buy organic mayo, mac and cheese and soup!!! It's not like i'm eating fucking 'sketti every night!

Also! did i mention that i BIKE EVERYWHERE BECAUSE I HAVE NO CAR? 

AND DID I MENTION MY ROOMMATES BOTH HAVE CARS AND NEVER OFFER TO TAKE ME GROCERY SHOPPING, EVER?

So, yeah, i like to think i'm not a fat ass and if i look that way, that just the way I am meant to look. 

I know both my roommates have had struggles with food in the past, based on how they control and use food in their lives. They don't "enjoy" eating. It is more of a necessary evil for them. And I understand from hearing about their past food issues, why they react to food the way they do.  They have no fat on their body. 

I'm okay with however they want to function in their lives. I could care less how people eat and what they eat - whatever makes you feel good. IT JUST ANNOYS THE FUCK OUT OF ME THAT MY ROOMMATES constantly bitch at me over what i eat. 

BECAUSE I REALLY ENJOY FOOD AND CHOCOLATE AND WINE AND BREAD AND CHEESE AND LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO CUT OUT WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. 

This is just the tip of the iceberg and i won't type more because if i do you wouldn't believe me and my roommates would probably find it on the Internet and kill me. 

i cannot WAIT to move the fuck out in June. I wish i never had to have another roommate again, but that's a lie because I'm poor and I'm a single woman. 

one amazing thing I've learned is that I'm one of the most well-adjusted laid back people to live with. I can take screaming, ego-centrism, night terrors, incessant working out, narcissism, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, boyfriends that hate me, girlfriends that hate me - pretty much anything a roommate can throw at me i can take........................................................................................................ 

But i guess this post is proof the straw has busted in this camel's back. 

You Old Devil, Jack...................

http://blog.zap2it.com/pop2it/2013/02/oscars-jack-nicholson-hits-on-jennifer-lawrence---in-gif-form.html

changes?

the bitchy girls from high school are still bitchy.

the nice girls are still nice.

the funny ones are still funny.

but some wild girls have become more chill, and some quiet girls have become much louder.

so i guess change does happen. but it depends on what is changing.

and i can't believe that some people are engaged, married, having babies.

i'm sooooo not there. and i don't think i want to be there, ever. but it's weird to see it happening. those things seem like chains to me right now. like a chain or cuff would be placed on my wrist and everything i'd do would be heavy.

i guess the key is, if those thing do happen to you, you should be feeling like you have wings and can fly anywhere and can do anything you ever dreamed of. so i'll either grow them or have them given to me by someone. preferably both ways. 

NEW YORK

New York is the snotty, uber-fashionable girl who you admire, and sometimes wish you were. But if you were her you wouldn't really be happy, just on lots of prescription meds and beautiful. and in some respects life would be easier. and in others it would be more difficult.

new york is very in your face. and as much as i have been there before, every time i go there, it NEVER fails to surprise and stimulate every sense i have.

i went to the theatrical production "Sleep No More" in which i observed an acting out of a bloody orgy which involved a woman with a shaved head, a bison head and a fetus. and naked people. it was probably one of the weirdest most bizarre theatre experiences i've ever had. and don't ever want to have again!!!

It's amazing how different subway lines are so blatant of socio-economic status. Some line i'd be the only white person on the train, others there would be no people of color. Unlike other cities, the difference in race and economy and those problems are in your face, reminding you we are not perfect. Here in Austin, I feel numb to the socio-economic injustices because it goes unspoken, unnoticed. Maybe I'd be more aware of it, if it was seen every day like in New York?

I feel like if you live in New York you become a bit snobbier or ridiculous, against your will. At one point at brunch the waitress brought out two wine glasses instead of flutes for the champagne because they had run out of flute glasses. Two people at our table gave the glasses the most surprised, dare i say, offended looks. As if this was a faux-pas to be taken seriously. I found that image to be fucking hilarious. Reality check, people!!!

Another really funny thing i noticed is that everyone is trying to get somewhere on time and no one is ever on time!!!

All the bars were super fun. I LOVE the fact that bars don't close till 4am. More time for fun in the evening.
I like looking at the way New York girls dress because they all are very fashionable and know what's up. Like a walking  magazine.

New York is one of the best cities in the world.  It is full of life, in your face, and super crazy all the time with ENDLESS options. But i can't say i'd ever like to live there. Maybe if i had a shit load of money - then ya. lol. I guess i just don't like the pushy-ness it seems to bring out in people. That "dog-eat-dog" feeling. I could live without that.  I like my cities a tad more laid back!

My FAVORITE part was the New York Public Library! but i guess that is a given ....

I also went to a Matisse exhibit and it was breath-taking. So many bright colors and happy pictures he painted in his long lifetime. And oh, those little gold fish in the bowl! :)

individuals that annoy me

supermodel hipster girls

• 
•  
• 
• mommy bloggers

• christian hipsters

• married men who flirt with me

 

• lawyers

 

• over enthusiastic, idealistic recent graduates

 

• the dreamiest bartenders in austin: http://austin.culturemap.com/newsdetail/11-02-12-15-57-the-dreamiest-bartenders-in-austin/

• people from my graduate program that say we should get a drink, but never contact me for a drink, but say it every time they see me
• half of my roommates
• gold-diggers

 

• people who come to SXSW from out of town to see "the free shows" only.

• people who move to Austin, TX

that's it for now.

new (YORK) news

i got an offer for a phone interview w/a new place. details to come if all goes well. looking for jobs is scary, but it is cool when you get an offer and for a week imagine yourself in a new city, discovering a new chapter of your life.

i am going to NYC this weekend to visit my soulmates. i'm going to Sleep No More,  the carlyle, bars, bars, and bars, momofukus noodle bar, baohaus, bookstores, SOHO shopping, and getting myself into general trouble.yay!!!!

pictures from the trip to come next Monday!!!!!!!!

Charlie LeDuff

http://www.npr.org/2013/02/16/172008878/fresh-air-weekend-detroit-anat-cohen-and-richard-thompson

One of the most raw interviews I've ever heard in a long, long time. And for some reason his voice encapsulates Detroit for me. Great voice, great writer.

Rejection could be all for the BEST!

This is the subject heading i got from a daily newsletter i get, the Daily Love. It shares "inspirational" quotes and insights and such.

The job i wanted and applied for was posted AGAIN and a new job was posted along with it - sort of like a secondary job that came about from the first round of interviews. Now i have no clue what is going on and if i should bother applying to the second job. #rejection



talking about my feelings. #rejection.
not doing that one for a year or so.



poetry submissions. #rejection

This DAILY EMAIL subject heading could not be more fucking true for me right now. crying and laughing at the same time????yaaaaaaaaaaah.

i think i'm going to rent Skyfall on iTunes tonight. and cry while eating chocolate. even thought Skyfall isn't that sad of a movie, it more just makes me horny due to Daniel Craig. It also frustrated my wanderlust due to beautiful locations and sex on the beach sex scenes.






Also - can we talk about how the show GIRLS from HBO is my life?!!!!???? not always proud of that, but tis true!!!



"All the breaks you need in life wait within your imagination, Imagination is the workshop of your mind, capable of turning mind energy into accomplishment and wealth." 

- Napoleon Hill, best-selling author of Think and Grow Rich.

"First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst."

"If you believe in what you are doing, then let nothing hold you up in your work. Much of the best work of the world has been done against seeming impossibilities. The thing is to get the work done."

- Dale Carnegie, best-selling author of How to Win Friends & Influence People.

"A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown."

"Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing."

- Denis Waitley, is an American motivational speaker and best-selling author.




and i'm sorry if this post is too self-indulgent for you, kind reader.

i promise to post a dream provence home spread very soon.

the art of living

I went to a famous portrait photographer's exhibit opening last night at a museum in town.

After much ooooo-ing and ahhh-ing and drinkingggg, and chatting and eating, i went to see my friend Maria's  photographs in an art gallery in my local neighborhood.

It made me think how art is so important and how much joy it brings to everyone. It inspires, moves and makes people think.

I hope the art i share with the world does the same and I hope it makes some sort of significant contribution - even after i'm gone. Art is eternal.

I hate it when people say they aren't creative. Everyone is creative. Maybe not in the "classic" arts we immediately think of, but other ways - cooking, knitting, organizing interesting spaces, fitness - there are many ways to be creative. Obviously, this could lead to taking on the "Art of Living" life approach many people already follow, taught/promoted by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.  I haven't looked into that philosophy much but perhaps parts of it are very true.

I didn't get the job i interviewed for and wanted. will get back in the saddle again and try.

i really love my current job - i just need more money. if that could somehow magically change, i'd stay in Austin and not complain so much.

Last night i went out w/ girlfriends and danced and danced and laughed and laughed. Sometimes i worry that when i move to a new place i will never find girlfriends who i can dance and laugh with like that. There is a period for about three months when you first move somewhere, where it is so heart-breakingly lonely. But if you can resist the temptation to be sad and hermit yourself away and instead, move about the new city and participate in events and community activities, you can beat away that loneliness and meet some amazing people. it just takes the will to do it. I think i will have the gusto (i seem to always muster it) but it will be hard at first. Not looking forward to that.  But on the other hand a new, bigger city, that is a bit closer to the people i love would be nice to live in.

There are so many answers to questions that I'd like to know.


In my life
There are so many questions and answers
That somehow seem wrong
In my life
There are times when I catch in the silence
The sigh of a faraway song
And it sings
Of a world that I long to see
Out of reach
Just a whisper away
Waiting for me!

Pretty much the hottest celeb couple ever

yes. i would pay for their sex tape. don't judge. you know it'd be smoking hot.

http://perezhilton.com/2013-02-11-jennifer-lawrence-michael-fassbender-flirting-baftas-romance

SINGLE GIRL DATING

http://www.buzzfeed.com/przshly07/what-its-like-to-be-single-as-told-by-jennifer-la-8ttl

This is me in my dating life. All here, explained in succinct and perfect GIFs.

I want you to move to California for yourself, but not for me.

The right answer

When on dates, I like it when i ask the man if they want the last bite and he will say something along the lines of yes,

"No, you have it - i like to see you enjoy it."

Any man that can recognize my love for food and indulges me is a good man.

Love, will you marry me?

An old Irish tune.............................................................................................

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I’m tired now of single life.
My mind’s made up to take a wife.
To help me through this world of strife,
And keep me out of danger.

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Love, won’t you marry me, oh, marry me, marry me,
Love, won’t you marry me and keep me out of danger.
Love, won’t you marry me, oh, marry me, marry me,
Love, won’t you marry me and keep me out of danger.

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I have a cottage by the sea
Adorned with flowers for her and me.
And any girl would happy be.
And I would treat her fairly.

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Love, won’t you marry me, oh, marry me, marry me,
Love, won’t you marry me and keep me out of danger.
Love, won’t you marry me, oh, marry me, marry me,
Love, won’t you marry me and keep me out of danger.

And now that we the knot have tied,
And she for years has been my bride,
with lots of children by our side,
We're shielded from all danger.

Love won’t you marry me….

my poetry

http://therovingcorker.wordpress.com/

here is the poetry i write and send to people that never publish it.

you're welcome. 

Ancy in Austin

Everyone and their mother is moving to Austin, TX. I'm not even a local (as in i haven't lived here more than 10 years) and it's annoying to me.  In the past year, things have really exploded. Everywhere i used to go seems to be so crowded all of a sudden. Seats are taken and crowds are huge!  It wouldn't stand out like a sore thumb to me so much if the city had the infrastructure to handle it - but it doesn't.  Austin doesn't have major transportation systems like in other big cities - because Austin isn't a big city - yet.

I think it will be a couple years, but right now it is not there. And people are moving here at a rapid rate that can't keep up with the building.

There are jobs here in my field, but they don't pay and they are highly competitive  Everyone is competing for shitty-ly paid jobs at great institutions - so you have to ask yourself, "is it worth it?"

And for me it's not.  I need enough money to pay my loans. I can work at a great place AND make enough money to make a dent in my loans.

*beginning of rant*
Also mostly all my friends here pissed me off this weekend. Some of them are awesome. But some just constantly flake out on me and i wonder why do you even say you want to hang out if you always flake out. One person cancelled happy hour, another cancelled last minute on a night out and one more got food poisoning - i guess. That's probably one of my biggest pet peeves. Saying you will do something and not doing it. Also - a ton of people have coupled off and it's stupid. Couples are boring and stupid and i have no idea why they exist. All they do is doof around together, excluding everyone else - except for other couples - and talk about surface shit like "fit-bits" and "crock pot recipes" and "401 Ks" and "Wedding reception plans" and "European vacation that cost $10,000". Gag me. Is it a rule that once your in your mid-twenties and a couple you have to lose all your creativity, thoughts, and sense of LIFE????
*end of rant*

Meanwhile - My two best friends never let me down. One of them posted how she was so excited to see me  in NYC in a couple of weeks. Then everyone i know in NYC chimed in and said they were excited to see me there too. This made me feel really happy.

My other best friend sent me a text this morning of a Roman stairway me and her sat on back in 2009, during our study abroad.  She was in Rome on vacation.

It made me miss Rome and it makes me miss the friends i grew up with. I've had a good run in Austin, but i need to find my new place, tribe to belong to. It would also be nice to be closer to my friends and family.  It's so expensive to see them these days, with being so far away.

Austin has served me well and given me a lot of things I dreamed of having.  A new start, wonderful weather, a Masters degree, jobs of interest, romance, Ryan Gosling encounter, and a chance to sing in a band!  But now it's time to move somewhere else and find more dreams and people and places to know. 

My Parisian loft

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