let's talk.

Let's talk about how I am reading Lena Dunham's "Not that kind of girl" right now and it's as if she lifted pages from my diaries.

Let's talk about how I am obsessed with conflict photographers, conflict photography and secretly want to be a photographer who covers conflict, even though there's no way I could with my personality traits: ie: highly sensitive, empathetic, anxious, organized.  I like to know that I will be alive at the end of the day. I get tired from carrying around the sadness of others. that's why i write to dump it off and start again.

Let's talk about how i am always late to work.

Let's talk about how when nothing is wrong in my life I feel a constant restlessness.

Let's talk about how i want to write a novel but average about 30 words on it a month.

Let's talk about my debt and past dating disasters. How now when i think of past lovers, i do not have longing, but i roll over in my bed, put my hands over my eyes, and groan out "what an asssshollleeeeeeee!"

Let's talk about how i feel guilty whenever i complain because there is absolutely nothing wrong with my life and I am a lucky bastard.

Let's talk about I still feel like i am looking for some sort of home, that every place I move to just seems like a landing spot until I move to a place I don't know exists. But i am tired right now and that place will just have to wait.

Let's talk about how i want to be a spy. But my face is so transparent and when I lie I cannot stop giggling.

Let's talk about how i am taking Italian class and do not know how it will ever be of use to me. The sole reason is the sound it makes when dancing off my tongue, exiting my mouth.

This is my life, all the ups and downs, the question marks lit on fire.