The IMOM who mildly crushed my soul earlier this year is now a journalist. He writes for big papers. I was reading an article in an international publication today and realized it was by him. How weird.
Later in the day, I was coming from the gym, sweaty and no makeup. I was on the phone with my brother. i never see the IMOM and haven't since the second breakup. yes, the little crushing of the soul bit was probably due to the second time around. which was far worse than the first. i learned my lesson, though. can a person be more than twice shy, cuz i'd say i'm like 500x shy now. lol.
anyways i saw him out of the corner of my eye -
and then proceeded veering violently left. of course all of this made it more obvious, so i kept walking. he tried to sweep up to me on his bike,.but then saw that i was blatantly ignoring his existence HARDCORE MODE and then backuped up and zoomed down the street.
as i rode my bike home i thought "damnnit! i wasn't even hot looking."
but then i realized i was exactly as "i am"in that moment. i was no makeup, sweaty me. and i don't think i ever was without makeup when we dated. i always wanted to look my best. i also never shared ANY real secrets, shame, or desires with him. We never really knew each other that intimately Neither of us would crack so we never took the plunge, never got cold or sore or vulnerable. As i've gotten older i've realized you can love many, but there are only a few lovers you'll actually ever be truly intimate with. and those are the ones that matter. those are the ones that make your heart pound with delight and make you feel like a better person. And i've had that beautiful situation happen before, but the IMOM was never one of them.
So i guess what i'm saying is that it was fitting that he finally saw me: stripped, no makeup, just me. he finally got a chance to see THE REAL ME, the one i never wanted to show him, the one he never wanted to truly see or know. whoever he knew before doesn't exist anymore.
Later in the day, I was coming from the gym, sweaty and no makeup. I was on the phone with my brother. i never see the IMOM and haven't since the second breakup. yes, the little crushing of the soul bit was probably due to the second time around. which was far worse than the first. i learned my lesson, though. can a person be more than twice shy, cuz i'd say i'm like 500x shy now. lol.
anyways i saw him out of the corner of my eye -
and then proceeded veering violently left. of course all of this made it more obvious, so i kept walking. he tried to sweep up to me on his bike,.but then saw that i was blatantly ignoring his existence HARDCORE MODE and then backuped up and zoomed down the street.
as i rode my bike home i thought "damnnit! i wasn't even hot looking."
but then i realized i was exactly as "i am"in that moment. i was no makeup, sweaty me. and i don't think i ever was without makeup when we dated. i always wanted to look my best. i also never shared ANY real secrets, shame, or desires with him. We never really knew each other that intimately Neither of us would crack so we never took the plunge, never got cold or sore or vulnerable. As i've gotten older i've realized you can love many, but there are only a few lovers you'll actually ever be truly intimate with. and those are the ones that matter. those are the ones that make your heart pound with delight and make you feel like a better person. And i've had that beautiful situation happen before, but the IMOM was never one of them.
So i guess what i'm saying is that it was fitting that he finally saw me: stripped, no makeup, just me. he finally got a chance to see THE REAL ME, the one i never wanted to show him, the one he never wanted to truly see or know. whoever he knew before doesn't exist anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment