I've been praying for this moment for months now. Praying and asking for some sort of sign, guidance. Looking at billboards, flowers, people. Wondering when or how or what it would tell me; mostly in "child pose" in yoga classes, I was hoping the answer would come then. Nada.....
So i waited patiently for a little longer.
I started applying for jobs in Oct 2012. No success yet. But part of the reason is every offer I've gotten hasn't felt "right". It feels like I am getting an offer to live someone else's life, take someone else's job offer. All the offers made me feel uneasy, confused.
I had a successful interview yesterday. I have a feeling they will offer me a job. Yet, the scenario of staying in Austin and getting a car here and an apartment makes me feel weird.
I LOVE Austin. There is nothing wrong w/ it. Great weather, incredibly friendly people, always things to do, rich culture and jaw-dropping music. So why wouldn't i stay?
I've asked myself the same thing a million times. But i always come back to this pull inside me.
Like this quote from above - I am following the pull. The decision I'm making feels so right. And by right i don't mean "proper" or correct", but comfortable and makes perfect sense to me. More comfortable than the options that have presented themselves to me thus far.
In hindsight I believe i was making my decisions based on fear. Taking ANY job because I don't want to not have one immediately after the last. That's just going thru the motions, that's not truly asking yourself what you want. And life is about living, not robotic apathy.
But now, I'm making decisions based on true self introspection, no longer based on fear. And since that change, there has been so much more clarity!
It's a certain peace I feel with it. Like I am pursuing exactly what I feel and know is the next adventure. The universe has been pointing to it for awhile, and now I know why everything has happened the way it has recently. It's all making more sense.
I'll write more as it's revealed to me, but for the first time in two months I feel a tremendous sense of peace and excitement about where i am i headed. Adding it to the list of AHA moments...
On a side note:
The past week and a half, I asked myself these questions. They're from Meg Jay's, The Defining Decade.
So i waited patiently for a little longer.
I started applying for jobs in Oct 2012. No success yet. But part of the reason is every offer I've gotten hasn't felt "right". It feels like I am getting an offer to live someone else's life, take someone else's job offer. All the offers made me feel uneasy, confused.
I had a successful interview yesterday. I have a feeling they will offer me a job. Yet, the scenario of staying in Austin and getting a car here and an apartment makes me feel weird.
I LOVE Austin. There is nothing wrong w/ it. Great weather, incredibly friendly people, always things to do, rich culture and jaw-dropping music. So why wouldn't i stay?
I've asked myself the same thing a million times. But i always come back to this pull inside me.
Like this quote from above - I am following the pull. The decision I'm making feels so right. And by right i don't mean "proper" or correct", but comfortable and makes perfect sense to me. More comfortable than the options that have presented themselves to me thus far.
In hindsight I believe i was making my decisions based on fear. Taking ANY job because I don't want to not have one immediately after the last. That's just going thru the motions, that's not truly asking yourself what you want. And life is about living, not robotic apathy.
But now, I'm making decisions based on true self introspection, no longer based on fear. And since that change, there has been so much more clarity!
It's a certain peace I feel with it. Like I am pursuing exactly what I feel and know is the next adventure. The universe has been pointing to it for awhile, and now I know why everything has happened the way it has recently. It's all making more sense.
I'll write more as it's revealed to me, but for the first time in two months I feel a tremendous sense of peace and excitement about where i am i headed. Adding it to the list of AHA moments...
On a side note:
The past week and a half, I asked myself these questions. They're from Meg Jay's, The Defining Decade.
- "What is it that you want?"
- "Where would you like to be in five or 10 years?"
- "Do you want to get married?"
- "Do you want to have kids?"
- "What do you want your job to be?"
Although you may be overwhelmed, or not want to know the answers to these questions (some of them i skipped over, b/c i can't even begin to think or relate to them right now) I found answering these questions really revealed to me what I want to do. It reminded me of goals and dreams I had forgotten about or was too scared to entertain. When i saw what i wrote down next to the question, I realized there are certain words that just KEPT popping up. i wonder why.... ;)
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