Jealousy

I have a new individual who has walked into my life (think co-worker, neighbor, roommate). And so far, I cannot stand them.

When i say things about my weekend, or my interests, this person finds a way to give me a back-handed compliment, or demean it.  I do not know why.  This person also loves to gossip.

I think this person may be out of their comfort zone and acting out.  I also have a feeling the reason they are targeting me with statements like that is due to jealousy. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt and chalking it up to where they are at right now, but in the mean time, it's got me thinking a lot about jealousy.

I used to think jealousy was a very bad, shameful emotion to feel. It lead to self-doubt, hating another person, comparing yourself to others and being mean to a person you covet something from. As I've gotten older, I've realized you can use jealousy in a very healthy way.  It's a delicate, balance, but jealousy is not always a bad emotion to have.

For one thing, when you feel jealousy rising in yourself, you can step back and take a moment to recognize it, and ask yourself, "why am i feeling this way? what is it that i am jealous about - the person, their situation, their ambition, luck?"

After you ask yourself that you can take the answer and see how it applies to your life. For instance, if a co-worker has just written an article and been published in an esteemed academic journal for their findings, perhaps I'd become jealous. After recognizing the feeling of jealousy, I can ask why - "Is it because I want to be better in my profession? Is it because I admire their ambition, drive? Do I want the "fame" and recognition that can come from writing such a published work?"

Once you identify the reason it rarely has anything to do with person the jealousy was directed at in the first place.  It's the person you dislike, it the lack of ____ they appear to have that you do not.

After identifying exactly what it is - this is the good part of jealousy - you can choose to PROACTIVELY set a goal of how to achieve that coveted thing for yourself.  It is usually the harder path, but well worth it.

If you use jealousy as a red flag and directional guide, it is much healthier and can spur you to be a better person.  If you don't use it that way, you will constantly be comparing yourself to others and never be able to love and accept yourself.

I feel like this person is jealous of me.  I think I am going to take it as a compliment and move forward.

"What other people think of you is none of your business."