this year was a doozy in good and bad ways. it was extremely stressful at times.
in jan-april of this year i was frantically searching for a new job, knowing my contract would end June 1st.
I got a new, better paying, more fulfilling job in May of this year which was a huge relief. This job just happened to be in the next city i wanted to live in, which is also a plus.
I moved across the country in May to start my new life out here, a new chapter. The past several months have been thrilling, very lucky, lonesome, full of laughter, tears, sexy, and heartache. I barely went home this year and that is one thing i am changing in the new year. I saw my parents twice. Seeing my family grounds me. This year was so full of change and I was alone to deal with all of that. My move, bike accident, ill-fated relations with men. It's hard when you move to a new city and go thru all that shit alone. But - this is growing up, this is becoming who you are meant to be, this is making you better.
Another crazy phase I'm in right now is that I'm suffering from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory syndrome.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[last lines]
Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.
[hugs Charlie]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently have had the most blessed experience of getting everything you've worked hard for, wish desperately for, wanted for a very long time. I feel guilty that I'm not insanely happy. But I am insanely grateful.
But for some reason I still feel like there is something else. Yet, I do not know what that "else" is. I've been going to yoga and church trying to meditate on the finding the answer. I'm writing more every day. I'm trying to dream new dreams for myself. I constantly ask, "what is next for me to do?" "what am i supposed to do next?"
But i realize these aren't really the questions i should be asking. I think where I am right now is where I am meant to be.
I'm going to try to let my heart guide me - as i always have - for the next few months. Maybe my intuition will guide me to my next goals. I know I've always wanted to get published. And maybe this is the time to pay attention to that wish? I also want to volunteer and contribute to my surrounding community.
I wish I was growing in reverse like Benjamin Button. I believe I was born at age 40 and have been trying to gain immaturity since birth. "Lightening up" is difficult for me to do. I'm a serious thinker and creator and sometimes i get lost in those heavy thoughts. Another personal goal of mine is to not take life so seriously.
All i know for sure at this time in my life is the twenties are a weird, wild, terrifying and ecstatic ride.
in jan-april of this year i was frantically searching for a new job, knowing my contract would end June 1st.
I got a new, better paying, more fulfilling job in May of this year which was a huge relief. This job just happened to be in the next city i wanted to live in, which is also a plus.
I moved across the country in May to start my new life out here, a new chapter. The past several months have been thrilling, very lucky, lonesome, full of laughter, tears, sexy, and heartache. I barely went home this year and that is one thing i am changing in the new year. I saw my parents twice. Seeing my family grounds me. This year was so full of change and I was alone to deal with all of that. My move, bike accident, ill-fated relations with men. It's hard when you move to a new city and go thru all that shit alone. But - this is growing up, this is becoming who you are meant to be, this is making you better.
Another crazy phase I'm in right now is that I'm suffering from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory syndrome.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[last lines]
Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.
[hugs Charlie]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently have had the most blessed experience of getting everything you've worked hard for, wish desperately for, wanted for a very long time. I feel guilty that I'm not insanely happy. But I am insanely grateful.
But for some reason I still feel like there is something else. Yet, I do not know what that "else" is. I've been going to yoga and church trying to meditate on the finding the answer. I'm writing more every day. I'm trying to dream new dreams for myself. I constantly ask, "what is next for me to do?" "what am i supposed to do next?"
But i realize these aren't really the questions i should be asking. I think where I am right now is where I am meant to be.
I'm going to try to let my heart guide me - as i always have - for the next few months. Maybe my intuition will guide me to my next goals. I know I've always wanted to get published. And maybe this is the time to pay attention to that wish? I also want to volunteer and contribute to my surrounding community.
I wish I was growing in reverse like Benjamin Button. I believe I was born at age 40 and have been trying to gain immaturity since birth. "Lightening up" is difficult for me to do. I'm a serious thinker and creator and sometimes i get lost in those heavy thoughts. Another personal goal of mine is to not take life so seriously.
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