a light in the piazza, "love to me" lyrics

The day we meet,

The way you lean against the wind,

And do not know that you are beautiful,

Or that anyone is watching you,

This is what I see.

And I notice how you hunger for surprise,

And do not think that you are tall enough,

Like you’re standing on a mountainside alone,

This is what I see.

You’re not alone.

Now I see as I have never seen before.

Since that moment in the square,

When you’re hat is carried in the air,

Just so you can chase it,

Just so I can be there,

This is how I know,

This is what I see,

This is love to me.

 

no fear.

there's something exciting about being afraid. do things that scare you.

Smartphones, dumb people

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/07/we-live-in-a-world-of-smart-phones-dumb-people/

Remember to get off your lap top, phone and whatever else. It's important to unplug.

Dating as a Millennial: WTF.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Oscar Wilde

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Millennials: there are no precise dates when the generation starts and ends. Researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from the early 1980s to the early 2000s. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials

I went to the Red Derby this weekend. I spoke to a Frenchman for 40 minutes who then told me he was married - "I haf tu mayke a confeshion"- he wasn't wearing his ring.  I then spoke to a very hawt man who took my number and then immediately told me his gf is moving away in two weeks. WTF.

I'm trying to no longer complain about the DC dating scene. But before I stop complaining, I wanted to explore questions I am SO CONFUSED by in today's dating world.

Am I asking too much? 
What I'm looking for is a man who wants to take me on dates, and ultimately, only wants to sleep w/ me, exclusively. I do not want a husband, partner, roommate. I guess what I want is called a "boyfriend."  Not a hook-up, a one night stand, a fling, or "friend-with-benefits".  Nothing is wrong with any of these situations. If I was in that place right now in my life, I'd be into that, but right now I'm looking for more.

Am I old fashioned and unrealistic?
Right now I'm looking for a little commitment. I want to know I am respected and the only one they are sleeping with. And if they do not want to do that anymore, that is fine. I just want to be dumped before they sleep w/ someone else.

Does what I want no longer exist?
I still do not believe I am asking for THAT much. Yes, I am asking for mutual respect, time, love and affection, honesty.  But I guess these things increase in rarity as I get older.

Is this the new normal?  Am I the only one who didn't get the memo/isn't into casually hooking-up w/ no emotions or feelings? 
Some of my friends date w/ no strings attached; meaning they are in casual amorphous relationships.  They never know if the man/woman they are dating is "here to stay," never going to call them again, or if they even want to be in the current state. They are open to any and all possibilities. Maybe if I didn't care as much I'd be there. But right now, I do not want to spend time with a man who "isn't sure" I am worth his time and respect.

Some of my friends are virgins - yes i know, i didn't believe it as first either - and are waiting.

Some of my friends exclusively have sporadic one night stands, nothing more.

Some of my friends are seeking all the qualities of a relationship - minus the commitment. These are mostly my male friends. They want companionship, sex & fun, but do not want to be called a boyfriend and want to have sex w/ anyone else whenever they want. ISN'T THAT SWEET. But - these men are upfront from the beginning. So - I cannot label them as liars. They are honest - at least :(

My friend, M, from NYC described the way I feel about dating beautifully:
"You know that feeling when you've been hungry for a really long time, and then you pass the hunger feeling and no longer feel hungry anymore? The effort to eat outweighs the desire, so you just go to bed?"

My feelings about dating are this EXACT analogy. I want to meet a nice guy but I do not want to try online dating. The effort and work one puts in "finding" someone is not something I am currently up for. I just want it to happen on it's own. But does that even happen anymore in this world?!
 
I have never used an online dating app or website. I am scared of them and also I do not want to date that badly. I don't have the time to invest, so why am I complaining? If I don't have the time to search, maybe I don't have time for a relationship?

Also right now my life is drama free. And that is something I want to continue.
I whine about all this a lot and I will try to stop. But it is hard when what you want isn't available to you.  Like anyone, I miss the affection or attention of a man. It's icing on the cake. But I need to remember how good the cake tastes w/out icing.

 Sometimes I worry I will become desperate and eventually lower my standards. I hope I never do that.

Anywho - my new goal is to continue dating myself and not worry/whine about dating. Here's to DAY ONE.


To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

Oscar Wilde

french romcoms

This is from "Heartbreaker" on Netflix.

find your family, your community

 "A lot of people agree with her. Nearly 60 percent of those reporting a lot of stress say they find relief from routinely spending time with family or friends."

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/07/07/323351759/for-many-americans-stress-takes-a-toll-on-health-and-family

The article deals with why and how Americans are overstressed. It's a naive and "quick" conclusion for me to say, but I believe American society and American people are suffering from a LARGE amount of social ills. I do not think we give enough attention to " routinely spending time with family or friends." We've forgotten the importance of slowing down and human connection, human community.

I think being a member of the "always busy all the time" culture is sick, and not a good thing for your health.  I think if we invested more time in our communities, America would begin to heal A LOT of its social ills: ie: stress, violence - particularly gun violence-, bullying, over-eating/under-eating, homelessness, mental health support.

BUT mostly, this article just reaffirms it is WRONG that every country doesn't have vacation time like FRANCE DOES.

Find it.

and yet this doesn't make me sad

no help for that / Charles Bukowski

there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled
a space
and even during the
best moments
and
the greatest
times
we will know it
we will know it
more than
ever
there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled
and
we will wait
and
wait
in that
space.
~ You Get So Alone At Times That It Just Makes Sense, 1986

LOVE POEMS

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/jul/02/fifty-greatest-love-poems-30-different-countries

The list of the 50 greatest love poems of the last 50 years in full:
Michael Donaghy (USA) – The Present
Naomi Shibab Nye (Palestine) – Shoulders
Philippe Jaccottet (France) – Distances
Tadeusz Rozewicz (Poland) A Sketch for a Modern Love Poem
Billy Collins (USA) Night Club
Nazim Hikmett (Turkey) Things I didn't know I loved
Margaret Atwood (Canada) Variations on the Word Love
Mutsuo Takahashi (Japan) Dove
Anna Swir (Poland) Thank-you, My Fate
Lawrence Bradby (England) - If Your Faith in Me Should Fail
Mary Oliver (USA) – Wild Geese
Anat Zecharaya (Israel) –A Woman of Valour (Trans Hebrew)
Karlis Verdins (Latvia) – Come to Me (Trans Latvian)
Doina Ioanid (Romania)The Yellow Dog (Trans Romanian)
Ana Ristovic (Serbia)– Circling Zero – (Trans Serbian)
Katharine Kilalea (South Africa)You were a bird
Ted Hughes (England) Lovesong
Kim Addonizio (USA) – You Don't Know What Love Is
Kim Hyesoon (Korea) – A Hole (Trans from Korean)
Choman Hardi (Iraqi Kurdistan) Summer Roof
Carolyn Kizer (USA) Bitch
Nina Cassian (Romania) Lady of Miracles
Ashjan Al Hendi (Saudi Arabia) In search of the Other
Don Paterson (Scotland) My Love
Edwin Morgan (Scotland) – Strawberries
Chinua Achebe (Nigeria) Love Song (for Anna)
Muriel Rukeyser (USA) Looking at Each Other
Linton Kwesi Johnson (England/Jamaica) Hurricane Blues
Tracy K Smith (USA) Duende
Warsan Shire (England/Somalia) for women who are difficult to love
Frank O'Hara (USA) – Having a Coke With You
Adrian Mitchell (England) Celia Celia
Jackie Kay (Scotland) – Her
Maya Angelou (USA) – Come. And Be My Baby
Kutti Revathi – (India) Breasts
Sujata Bhatt (India) – Love in a Bathtub
Annabelle Despard (Norway) Should You Die First
Alice Oswald (England) – Wedding
Valzhyna Mort (Belarus) Love
Nikola Madzirov (Macedonia) - When Someone Goes Away Everything That's Been Done Comes Back
Iman Mersal (Egypt) – Love
Sinead Morrissey (Ireland) Forgive Us Our Trespasses
Kei Miller (Jamaica) Epilogue
Faiz Ahmed Faiz (Pakistan) Before You Came
WS Merwin (USA) In Time
Arundathi Subramaniam (India) Prayer
Yves Bonnefoy (France) A stone
Ko Un (South Korea) Snowfall
Amjad Nasser (Jordan) A Song and Three Questions
Vikram Seth (India) All You who Sleep Tonight