I applied to a Barista/Gelato part time job. What if I take my buddy's offer to be a bartender in the busy part of the city? That'd be hard, but i wonder if I'd make more money.
I feel myself transitioning into a new me. I feel tougher and a bit more fucked up. Tired. A 40 something waitress in New York City. A boxer who has come out of a ring. I feel like Steve McQueen. I am both proud and scared shitless, I am in love and lonely.
I sprained my ankle very badly last night. If you asked me i would tell you it was from running. But I will tell you the truth. It was from coming down from the roof deck with MMJC and our 5th beers. I set my foot down and the step dropped much farther than I had anticipated. But of course in the state i was in i laughed, no pain. But today holy shit it hurts.
I got a text from MMJC last night. I met him at my corner bar. He has known the owner for years. The owner sat with us and told us stories. The type of stories only a bar owner can tell you.
The bartender I went on a date with was working upstairs. I must confess part of the reason I went to see MMJC was to see what little drama would unfold. One of my flaws.
Bartender came down and I waved. He told me to come visit him upstairs but I wanted to talk to MMJC and Bar owner/Bartender's boss.
He came down later and I introduced MMJC to Bartender. We ALL sat together. At one point I was rubbing both their knees under the bar and neither of them noticed. I felt powerful. That's why I do the things I do.
I left the bar. Said bye to Bartender and MMJC leaving them together at the bar. As if I was leaving two ex-husbands at my house alone.
I took a cab to MMJC place and we had a good night. I slept over and tried to wake up and went to work questioning everything that had seemed so solid and clear last night.
I don't want a boyfriend. I want to date three men all at the same time. It's sexy and thrilling and dramatic. At times it's quite messy and lonely and wrong. But the rush is incomparable. I feel like I'm living the way I want to. And I care less and less about the status quo. I think as long as I'm happy, that's all that matters.
I am going to try to stop seeing RPJ though. He holds my heart in his teeth - like a grenade ready to explode. There is no stable ground with him. MMJC is at least honest. We both know what is taking place.
I can predict i will break the Bartender's heart. But I don't want to.
But, are we ever truly happy? Even if i was happy I think I'd have something to complain about. Things can always be better, can't they? Or can we not just enjoy each simple pleasure? That's all we may get.
As you get older, things are so much more complicated. Blurry and no longer easy to categorize. I don't know a thing and as soon as I accepted that everything got easier.
I feel myself transitioning into a new me. I feel tougher and a bit more fucked up. Tired. A 40 something waitress in New York City. A boxer who has come out of a ring. I feel like Steve McQueen. I am both proud and scared shitless, I am in love and lonely.
I sprained my ankle very badly last night. If you asked me i would tell you it was from running. But I will tell you the truth. It was from coming down from the roof deck with MMJC and our 5th beers. I set my foot down and the step dropped much farther than I had anticipated. But of course in the state i was in i laughed, no pain. But today holy shit it hurts.
I got a text from MMJC last night. I met him at my corner bar. He has known the owner for years. The owner sat with us and told us stories. The type of stories only a bar owner can tell you.
The bartender I went on a date with was working upstairs. I must confess part of the reason I went to see MMJC was to see what little drama would unfold. One of my flaws.
Bartender came down and I waved. He told me to come visit him upstairs but I wanted to talk to MMJC and Bar owner/Bartender's boss.
He came down later and I introduced MMJC to Bartender. We ALL sat together. At one point I was rubbing both their knees under the bar and neither of them noticed. I felt powerful. That's why I do the things I do.
I left the bar. Said bye to Bartender and MMJC leaving them together at the bar. As if I was leaving two ex-husbands at my house alone.
I took a cab to MMJC place and we had a good night. I slept over and tried to wake up and went to work questioning everything that had seemed so solid and clear last night.
I don't want a boyfriend. I want to date three men all at the same time. It's sexy and thrilling and dramatic. At times it's quite messy and lonely and wrong. But the rush is incomparable. I feel like I'm living the way I want to. And I care less and less about the status quo. I think as long as I'm happy, that's all that matters.
I am going to try to stop seeing RPJ though. He holds my heart in his teeth - like a grenade ready to explode. There is no stable ground with him. MMJC is at least honest. We both know what is taking place.
I can predict i will break the Bartender's heart. But I don't want to.
But, are we ever truly happy? Even if i was happy I think I'd have something to complain about. Things can always be better, can't they? Or can we not just enjoy each simple pleasure? That's all we may get.
As you get older, things are so much more complicated. Blurry and no longer easy to categorize. I don't know a thing and as soon as I accepted that everything got easier.
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