Songs of 2012

The songs I'm about to share have nothing to do with chart toppers or best artists of the year. They simply are the best due to my sentimental inklings towards them.  They were around for a particular event, turning points, thoughts or feelings I had throughout the year. Enjoy!

TRYIN' TO GET TO YOU, ELVIS, 1968 CONCERT.

CACTUS TREE - JONI MITCHELL

LIKE HUMANS DO - DAVID BYRNE

ADDICTED TO LOVE (COVER) - FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

EVERY NIGHT - PAUL & THE WINGS

MEXICO - LAURA MARLING

OPTIMIST - LOVE THIS GIANT - ST.VINCENT AND DAVID BYRNE

THIS MUST BE THE PLACE - DAVID BYRNE

CHAMPAGNE YEAR - ST. VINCENT

GET THEE BEHIND ME, SATAN - ELLA FITZGERALD

AGE OF CONSENT - NEW ORDER

BOYFRIEND - BEST COAST

NOTHING CAN CHANGE THIS LOVE - SAM COOKE

CARAVAN - VAN MORRISON

MONTEZUMA - FLEET FOXES


i wish you all a very merry christmas, and the happiest of new years. what the hell is next for us? only 2013 will tell. it gets me so giddy. so many people to meet and things to see, what could be around the corner? something i can't even imagine, i suppose. *crosses fingers, closes eyes, and makes a wish*

foods that i find in my parents' house

pearl onions
fried chicken liver
radish w/ butter
pot au feu
meat pie
buttermilk
coffee
coffee
wine
beer
wine
wine
pumpkin cheesecake

my (permanently unrequited) work crush wished me a happy holidays ...

then this came on pandora....

how fitting.
i've been in love w/ love lately. there is no one, but my imagination is full of love. maybe it's the holidays?

It's a wonderful life.

As I write this, I'm listening to "Giving You Everything" by the Spice Girls, blaring from the neighbors next door. May I say, impressive harmonica solo. :) My next-door-neighbors are five gay/lesbian undergrads.  Needless to say, their music playlist for parties - although annoying due to timing - are never a disappointment.

Tonight me and my band had a gig at the Austin landmark which is Spiderhouse. We had a great time, free booze and tips and fun people.  Great audience.  It's a beautiful thing to share your art with an audience that loves it as much as you do.  To bring joy to others thru your music and/or art is a truly amazing experience to have. To get to perform is a great honor for me.  It's a brave thing - you never know how it will go, but you do it because you believe in the potential. And the majority of the time (thank God) that potential has come thru on our shows.

I love living here. I love the people who live in this city.  Everyone is so nice and laid-back.  It's easy to be happy in this town.

Tomorrow is Sunday, and i am taking full advantage of it. Soooo tired. Long day, recovering from party i hosted Friday, and gigs on Thurs and Saturday nights. WOO.             

I LOVE ATX.

Last night we had a wonderful show at Butterfly Bar. A shaky start because one of our mikes went out, but we recovered fast! Zane always has crazy funny banter, but sometimes it is making fun of me. i guess i take it for the team, b/c it is funny for roast to happen to you once in awhile. and the audience loves it. those misogynist bastards.ha. i just need to get better at being more snarky. That is one reason i like Zane as a musical partner, because he keeps me witty and on my toes.

the bar tender - we'll call him, M -  was hurt-so-good-cute. Like you know, when someone is so cute, it aches in your heart a bit to check them out. but i'm jaded now, so we talked but giving my number out hurts. I think it's not necessary to chase, but to be chased is necessary. You need a man that wants to work for your affections, woo you.  I think if he wants to do that, it's a sure sign he actually wants you. If you do all the work you're bound to be disappointed.
He said he remembered me from our EAST show a few weeks ago and i said i remembered him. and then we exchanged cute flirty glances and gushed. it was quite dorky.

I have been in love with Austin lately.  Is it b/c I have a strong premonition that in 2013 I will at some point be leaving this fair city? I dunno. I love living here. I have wonderful friends, a band, and an interesting job. I just need more money so i cannot flounder to pay off my loans. :/ and that's where i think the move will be necessary. unless i take a better paying job here that i don't really enjoy. I'll have to think about this over holiday break.

I love that this morning i walked outside to see an old school red Volkswagen beetle and Christmas lights across the street. I love riding my bike early in the morning, seeing the Christmas lights and early morning runners go by. i love the fact that Austin feels like a small town but has the culture and quirky-ness every big city has. and i value how laid back and friendly everyone is here. it makes life less hardened.

i got a message in my inbox today on FB from an old friend that simply said, "you're the best." it made me so happy. what a great way to start a day.

a year ago today

i sent this poem a year ago today to a lover. and on this anniversary i now send it to you, dear reader. wherever and whomever you may be ... 

 

Light will someday split you open
Even if your life is now a cage,
For a divine seed, the crown of destiny,
Is hidden and sown on an ancient, fertile plainYou hold the title to...

Love will surely bust you wide open
Into an unfettered, blooming new galaxy
Even if your mind is now
A spoiled mule.
A life-giving radiance will come,
The Friend's gratuity will come
O look again within yourself,
For I know you were once the elegant host
To all the marvels in creation.


From a sacred crevice in your body
A bow rises each night
And shoots your soul into God.
Behold the Beautiful Drunk Singing One
From the lunar vantage point of love.
He is conducting the affairs
Of the whole universe
While throwing wild parties
In a tree house - on a limb
In your heart.
 
Hafiz

Nigella Lawson - Coconut Rice

I made this two nights ago and whilst doing so pretended to be Nigella while doing it. I want to be her when I grow up. It was a very sensual dinner making time. Also - absolutely delicious!!!

 

Recipe here:

http://www.nigella.com/recipes/view/TOMATO-CURRY-WITH-COCONUT-RICE-5313

Not single men.

Since Thursday i have gotten three numbers from three men that are ALL in serious relationships.

WTF, cosmos.

I attained this knowledge by being creepy and social network stalking them.

All men are dogs. I can't believe you would treat your partner that you LOVE that way. It makes me think that if i even find a man that seems decent he will cheat on me whenever he wants and i'll never know anyways. All these guys seemed nice. But they must be good actors. These poor women!!!

I'm watching Take This Waltz. It makes me miss Canada and it makes me realize how easy it is to cheat.

I think people in my generation are so hyper active and over stimulated they can't be w/ the same person the rest of their lives. It's too hard, too complicated. Boring. How can you constantly ignore the other possibilities around you? It's like a revolving door and there is always another (potentially better) person coming thru next.  It's easy to think that way - especially if you live somewhere where the majority of the population is "single and" *cringe* "ready to mingle".

But - i recently heard a character on a show talk about this concept. She told her husband to stop seeing his mistress and he refused. He dies soon after [karma, you know....]. The wife says, "I knew he loved me, but he refused to give anything up for me.  What kind of love is it when you don't give up anything else for the other person.  Is that really love?"

But if you don't give anything up you won't ever get what you want. That's a bitch of a Catch 22 if i ever thought of one.

oysters

Source: hautefavesdeux.tumblr.com via Patricia on Pinterest

Thursday night i went to a really expensive/trendy restaurant and sat alone at the bar, waiting for my friend, E. This restaurant is one of my favorite places, but i never get to go there cuz it's too expensive. I got a notice about my loans yesterday. This notice made me feel anger, resentment and bitterness towards my education (even though it's given me a job i love and some money). And LOGICALLY, as a way to spite the universe for asking me to pay $2,000,000.00/month on my repayment plan, I decided it was a GREAT idea to go to a super fancy restaurant. That would show the universe.

I don't have a problem with being alone in a public place. I actually find a weird peacefulness in it. In the busy world we live in, it's nice to not be on a computer, sit with yourself and just "be". Maybe look around at the people. Make up stories about them and where they are going and who they are in love with and why they are here at the same space as you are. When you are alone I think you really can taste your food and see things more intensely. There is nothing to disrupt the moment you are in. It's fun to share good things with people - food and sunsets - but there's also something deeply satisfying when you are the only one experiencing a single moment. It's a secret moment that happened for you and no one else will ever know about it. Unless you Instagram, Tweet, or make a Facebook status about it. And that's why it's key to not be on your phone all the time. It creates useless distraction taking away from a very sacred thing. Yes - tasting a beer and eating oysters can be a sacred thing. Anything you want can, actually.

Ok - so to move on from my Wonka Speech -

So i was at the bar. The bartender asked if i "come here often." I said, no. Too expensive.
We proceeded to banter and by the time my friend came and I got the bill I saw there was a measley $10.00 charge. My table was easily $40.00.

Thank you for making me a shameless vixen, God. Keeping me outta the poorhouse.

The bartender told me to come back, "I'll hook you up."
And honestly for the free oysters alone I just may do that.

can't we be friends?

CARPENTER JESUS GOT BACK TO ME, Y'ALL.

it was 70% bad. 30% good. I guess.

When Wednesday rolled around i accepted temporary defeat. I wrote him my concession message:

ME: ugh! i knew you were too hot to be single! oy vey.

CARPENTER JESUS REPLY:  Ha! Sorry, I didn't see your message till now. Still getting the hang of the this kind of page. Yes, I am seeing someone. Does this mean we can't be friends?

i then said "but of course" and sent him this, as well:

His reply: 

Ha! Perfect!!!

NO NOT PERFECT, CARPENTER JESUS. 

i hope we get a FRIENDLY drink sometime. NOT. 

ahhhhhhhhh.

My honey, I know

What is it about still loving someone even if you know they love someone else, or if you know you only have a short while with them before they disappear?

I think there is a certain joy about it, thrill derived from it, that makes people willing to deal with the promise of definite demise.

There is something beautiful about still choosing to love even though you know it will go nowhere or end soon. Perhaps it's more thrilling to have a lover like that, than one you can depend on, because if you know you are going to end or be deserted you are grateful and aware of each moment you spend with that person on an intense, zen, live-in-the-moment level.

I think this song captures that.

Asking out boys

I never ask men out.  It's one of my all time, always-adhere-to-rules.

Never has anyone caused me to break this rule. Until Carpenter Jesus.

I was obsessed.  I had been thinking about Carpenter Jesus since I met him.  The ONLY way to answer my questions, to stop my breathless waiting was to ask him out on a date.

But I have no other news to report, because he has yet to read my note of solicitation.

He has no FB profile, but a business page on FB.  I don't have the guts to actually call him, so I messaged him over FB....with as much dignity as one can do that with. Which ain't much.

Hey would you wanna go out sometime?

FB now tells you when someone has read your messages.  It's creepy but it actually makes me feel better in this situation.

I'm more than positive CJ has five babies with a beautiful hippie yoga goddess, but what the hell.  I would never know the answer unless I asked.

Typically I believe the woman should be pursued.  If the man doesn't pursue it means he doesn't want you. So I never make it worse by actually pursuing an unenthusiastic male. I want one that chases me w/ passion and confidence!

I hope, dear reader, that I can tell you in a future post you will read about my first date w/ Carpenter Jesus.  But I have already written the perfect reply upon notice of my impending rejection. But I'll wait to share it with you until it actually happens. Don't want to kill the suspense.