now have unattractive, and/or dorky partners.
and it makes me laugh with joy.
a blog about a girl who left where she was from; about the secret magic things in life (ie: food,music,art,wine,dapper men, academia,weekend treks).
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The other half lives
I'm off of work today to do a slew of doctors' appointments. Right now, in between the first and second one i am sitting in a cafe in downtown Austin. i am eating an egg cheddar sausage panini w/ a black coffee.
Surrounding me is a man who looks like a goth novelist. He has black hair, ghost white skin, bags under his eyes that are laden with eyeliner.
There is another man on an interview with a woman. He seems to be doing well so far. He is talking about a health software he has created. He wants to sell it, he wants to work for her company very badly. He lived in Mexico for two years as a Realtor. He appears to look younger than me. He describes himself as a "fearless, wunderkind". He wants a job that keeps his stress down so he can take care of his new puppy. Ok, the interview may have taken a dip, i guess.
I walked past "Pure" gym. It's where visiting Hollywood actors and former ABC "Bachelors" go to get toned. There were white women in Lululemon yoga pants pushing their children around in carts at Whole Foods. They were all well taken care of, yet frantically searching for organic cereal.
Now more tech people are shuffling in. Men on their own schedules. No women. Except for the one conducting the interview of the young wunderkind. Which i guess evens things out.
How does one have their own schedule? I think being your own boss is extremely appealing. But i wonder if i'd be able to keep to schedule, deliver quality every time and not burn out.
This article got me thinking of the following paragraphs. Be prepared! If you read the article I've linked to you may get way heavy philosophically too fast, too soon. (As was my case! Snowballing into an existential crisis, of course.)
The funny thing is, that i've remembered recently, is even when you get the "perfect" work schedule, the "perfect" life, you still suffer. You're still unhappy with something. Which is not a bad thing. We just automatically think in American society that we must constantly strive for complete fulfillment - which is a great idea. But what is wrong with contentment?
Two other things you must be wary of in our society are the ideas of:
1) proper work life balance
2) that your job fulfills you
Neither of these things are true. Neither of these things are usually healthy for everyone.
In America we seem to never have any balance. That is why women choose careers over babies or vice versa - there is no "balanced", "in between" option for you.
Not every job has to be fulfilling. Activities after work can be fulfilling to you. I do love what I do. I went to get my Masters in order to do that from 9-5. But it doesn't necessarily fulfill me. It feeds me and gets me medical coverage - and yes, occasionally it is very stimulating to the intellectual mind and public service oriented, which i like. BUT i have other interests that give me a sense of purpose.
I'd love to end this post with some sort of inspirational quote, but that's not how i feel. I feel like there are so many more questions than answers. But i can relate to this quote:
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”
― Gilda Radner
I can't say as of now i relate to the "Delicious Ambiguity". Rather bitter from my end right now. But i am trying. That's all i can do.
Surrounding me is a man who looks like a goth novelist. He has black hair, ghost white skin, bags under his eyes that are laden with eyeliner.
There is another man on an interview with a woman. He seems to be doing well so far. He is talking about a health software he has created. He wants to sell it, he wants to work for her company very badly. He lived in Mexico for two years as a Realtor. He appears to look younger than me. He describes himself as a "fearless, wunderkind". He wants a job that keeps his stress down so he can take care of his new puppy. Ok, the interview may have taken a dip, i guess.
I walked past "Pure" gym. It's where visiting Hollywood actors and former ABC "Bachelors" go to get toned. There were white women in Lululemon yoga pants pushing their children around in carts at Whole Foods. They were all well taken care of, yet frantically searching for organic cereal.
Now more tech people are shuffling in. Men on their own schedules. No women. Except for the one conducting the interview of the young wunderkind. Which i guess evens things out.
How does one have their own schedule? I think being your own boss is extremely appealing. But i wonder if i'd be able to keep to schedule, deliver quality every time and not burn out.
This article got me thinking of the following paragraphs. Be prepared! If you read the article I've linked to you may get way heavy philosophically too fast, too soon. (As was my case! Snowballing into an existential crisis, of course.)
The funny thing is, that i've remembered recently, is even when you get the "perfect" work schedule, the "perfect" life, you still suffer. You're still unhappy with something. Which is not a bad thing. We just automatically think in American society that we must constantly strive for complete fulfillment - which is a great idea. But what is wrong with contentment?
Two other things you must be wary of in our society are the ideas of:
1) proper work life balance
2) that your job fulfills you
Neither of these things are true. Neither of these things are usually healthy for everyone.
In America we seem to never have any balance. That is why women choose careers over babies or vice versa - there is no "balanced", "in between" option for you.
Not every job has to be fulfilling. Activities after work can be fulfilling to you. I do love what I do. I went to get my Masters in order to do that from 9-5. But it doesn't necessarily fulfill me. It feeds me and gets me medical coverage - and yes, occasionally it is very stimulating to the intellectual mind and public service oriented, which i like. BUT i have other interests that give me a sense of purpose.
I'd love to end this post with some sort of inspirational quote, but that's not how i feel. I feel like there are so many more questions than answers. But i can relate to this quote:
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”
― Gilda Radner
I can't say as of now i relate to the "Delicious Ambiguity". Rather bitter from my end right now. But i am trying. That's all i can do.
SCHWING - Colin Farrell does Yeats
i found this while waiting for my dentist appointment this morning. When two sexy worlds collide. You're welcome.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Red shoes on
Go to sleep little babe,
Go to sleep little babe
Your momma's gone away and your daddy's gonna stay
Didn't leave nobody but the baby
Go to sleep little babe,
Go to sleep little babe
Everybody's gone in the cotton and the corn
Didn't leave nobody but the baby
You're a sweet little babe
You're a sweet little babe
Honey in the rock and the sugar don't stop
Gonna bring a bottle to the baby
Don't you weep pretty babe
Don't you weep pretty babe
She's long gone with her red shoes on
Gonna need another loving babe
Go to sleep little babe
Go to sleep little babe
You and me and the devil makes three
Don't need no other lovin' babe
Go to sleep little babe
Go to sleep little babe
Come lay bones on the alabaster stones
And be my everlovin baby
Friday, January 18, 2013
'Grayest Generation': Older Parenthood In The U.S.
Pretty much my worst nightmare.
Ages 25-30: I'm not ready, i'm not ready. I don't want to.
Ages 30-35: Ok I think i might want to but i have no one to do it with. No one i want to do it with.
Ages 30-40ish: Ok I have someone and we want to have a baby. We struggle for years to have a baby. Then we have a baby and it's not healthy. We are old and need to take care of our baby, but they have severe health issues.
WORST FEAR.
It's outrageous that I'm even thinking about this right now! But This story from NPR just struck me and I want to share that terror w/ you. you're welcome.
Ages 25-30: I'm not ready, i'm not ready. I don't want to.
Ages 30-35: Ok I think i might want to but i have no one to do it with. No one i want to do it with.
Ages 30-40ish: Ok I have someone and we want to have a baby. We struggle for years to have a baby. Then we have a baby and it's not healthy. We are old and need to take care of our baby, but they have severe health issues.
WORST FEAR.
It's outrageous that I'm even thinking about this right now! But This story from NPR just struck me and I want to share that terror w/ you. you're welcome.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Tay Tay Cray Cray
TAYLOR SWIFT done lost her damn mind, y'all.
Out of all the MEN she could have, Styles?!
Harry One Direction Styles.
She's lost her damn mind.
Out of all the MEN she could have, Styles?!
Harry One Direction Styles.
She's lost her damn mind.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Why "It Happened One Night" is playing at the Alamo on Vday.
Sure I've thought about it. Who hasn't? If I could ever meet the right sort of girl. Aw, where you gonna find her? Somebody that's real. Somebody that's alive. They don't come that way anymore. Have I ever thought about it? I've even been sucker enough to make plans. You know, I saw an island in the Pacific once. I've never been able to forget it. That's where I'd like to take her. She'd have to be the sort of a girl who'd... well, who'd jump in the surf with me and love it as much as I did. You know, nights when you and the moon and the water all become one. You feel you're part of something big and marvelous. That's the only place to live... where the stars are so close over your head you feel you could reach up and stir them around. Certainly, I've been thinking about it. Boy, if I could ever find a girl who was hungry for those things...
Sunday, January 13, 2013
There you are!
After my last post i received a few encouraging thoughts and vibes from friends. So i guess the universe doesn't totally hate me. :)
I'm in a wedding later this year - first time as a bridesmaid - and i just looked at my friend's wedding page. She included the bridal party and little blurbs about us. And this is what she wrote for my blurb:
Savannah: Bridesmaid, Friend from College- Savannah and I share a love of vintage aesthetics, laughter, keeping it real and yet living in the clouds. Though I've known her the least amount of time, i think our spirits have known each other a lifetime.
I love my friends. after reading that i got all warm and fuzzy!
I'm in a wedding later this year - first time as a bridesmaid - and i just looked at my friend's wedding page. She included the bridal party and little blurbs about us. And this is what she wrote for my blurb:
Savannah: Bridesmaid, Friend from College- Savannah and I share a love of vintage aesthetics, laughter, keeping it real and yet living in the clouds. Though I've known her the least amount of time, i think our spirits have known each other a lifetime.
I love my friends. after reading that i got all warm and fuzzy!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Universal bounty, where are you?
I need a new job. It needs to pay me more so I can begin paying off my mountain of student loan debt (that will never go away until i die). I've been applying to jobs since October. nothing! no one wants me. And i don't even have a SHITTY resume. I have great experience and names on there, including the Smithsonian.
I need to live alone after this lease ends in July. Everyone is driving me cray-cray. If i can afford it, i'm going to move out in June! Has it ever been easy to live w/ people? Even family members that you deeply love and care about can be difficult to live w/ at times.
You don't know how both of these needs just make me want to give up and drive far away or run away. or work on a lavender field in Provence. YA, i just went there.
I basically just need to get a new job and a new place to live and that would be great. alas that all takes time and effort and that is the stage i am in. argh. growing up is hard. i have no idea how people my age are getting engaged, married, and having babies. i barely keep my room clean on a daily basis. I'm starting to realize why women who are older and single have cats.
i should be writing mock resumes to go over with the career advisor next week, but instead i am sitting here, blogging and bitching.
i'd like to stay in austin, but if i don't i'm ok w/ moving. but i have a feeling i'll only get a job when i actually live in that city, not just send a resume and get picked.
ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE.
the 1890s are alive in Austin. Last night while out at a bar w/ girlfriends we witnessed a boy prolly aged early 20, smoking a cob pipe, wearing a lumberjack shirt and w/ a huge beard. When did this become a thing and WHY???
this video from Portlandia explains it:
I need to live alone after this lease ends in July. Everyone is driving me cray-cray. If i can afford it, i'm going to move out in June! Has it ever been easy to live w/ people? Even family members that you deeply love and care about can be difficult to live w/ at times.
You don't know how both of these needs just make me want to give up and drive far away or run away. or work on a lavender field in Provence. YA, i just went there.
I basically just need to get a new job and a new place to live and that would be great. alas that all takes time and effort and that is the stage i am in. argh. growing up is hard. i have no idea how people my age are getting engaged, married, and having babies. i barely keep my room clean on a daily basis. I'm starting to realize why women who are older and single have cats.
i should be writing mock resumes to go over with the career advisor next week, but instead i am sitting here, blogging and bitching.
i'd like to stay in austin, but if i don't i'm ok w/ moving. but i have a feeling i'll only get a job when i actually live in that city, not just send a resume and get picked.
ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE.
the 1890s are alive in Austin. Last night while out at a bar w/ girlfriends we witnessed a boy prolly aged early 20, smoking a cob pipe, wearing a lumberjack shirt and w/ a huge beard. When did this become a thing and WHY???
this video from Portlandia explains it:
Monday, January 7, 2013
Before we get started ...
I found of list of lessons I learned in 2012 -
- "it's important to have friends and to nurture your best friendships
- you have to become your own best friend. [side note: i think i got that from Diane Von Furstenberg
- “The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”
- ― Diane Von Furstenberg
- If you don't want to or can't afford to see a therapist, run.
- never compare yourself to others and know that you are on a unique path made only for your abilities to conquer. if you were on anyone else's path you'd fail, so embrace your destiny, good and bad parts.
- instead of reacting, sometimes the better thing is to wait a couple hours and remain calm. being reactive and vocal doesn't always solve things.
- you are strongest when things seem impossible.
- don't ask boys out on dates
- regarding relationships: if it doesn't work the first time, there's more than half a chance it won't work the second time. but no one can tell you what to do. you can try a third time, but that judgement call is up to you.
- i'm 95% sure i have no soul mate. next lifetime.
- love yourself especially on shitty days -- You will need the extra loving! :)
- there is never enough time
- i don't have enough money for my dreams, but i don't care - i'm doing them anyways. they will just take some time.
- stress kills. try not to do it as much as you can. run, yoga, or dance are the best remedies.
- there are lovers you haven't met yet. [i always smile after this one]
- cherish simple things and do them as often as possible
- never let someone else's shitty outlook/mood/day fuck up YOURs.
- everything ends, and everyone goes away so the most you can do is enjoy every moment you have with the ones you love."
Pretending to be French
For the past month or so I've been indulging in French dinner.
I eat half a baguette, brie (or some other creamy European cheese) and have a rotation of the goodies that are also on the plate:
butter
mushrooms cooked in butter, or mixed w/ a bit of mayo
strawberry jam
prosciutto
blackberries
nuts - walnuts or almonds
a bottle of wine on hand.....
it is a grand, grand way to eat. I don't know if this came from being poor, a self proclaimed writer, having almost 100% french blood running thru my veins, or a fan of everything french, but it is a divine thing that has happened.
I eat half a baguette, brie (or some other creamy European cheese) and have a rotation of the goodies that are also on the plate:
butter
mushrooms cooked in butter, or mixed w/ a bit of mayo
strawberry jam
prosciutto
blackberries
nuts - walnuts or almonds
a bottle of wine on hand.....
it is a grand, grand way to eat. I don't know if this came from being poor, a self proclaimed writer, having almost 100% french blood running thru my veins, or a fan of everything french, but it is a divine thing that has happened.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Weekly update, thoughts of late
I am performing tonight at an Austin landmark, The Hole in the Wall. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. We debuting two news songs and I hope I sing them well. If you can feel a personal connection to the song you're singing, you sing it better - like in any art (acting, painting, photography) I think it helps if you can hook onto an emotion.
There is a question though about getting so much in a role that you disappear into it. I think it's a good and bad thing. I think I would never be a good actress because I would lose a little bit of myself in each role and then not know who I really was. Also, as an actress it seems you are always "pseudo-living" adventures. For instance, in Eat, Pray, Love Julia Roberts plays a woman who has an introspective, international reawakening enlightenment. But does the actress really have the same experience? I don't know. Isn't do something "for real" better than acting it? Unless of course you adhere that acting is "to be" in every sense of the word. Like Daniel Day Lewis.
I've handed in my poetry and am wishing, hoping, praying SOMEONE likes it. I think I may submit to more places today, just in case no one does. My first attempt was in May of 2012 and I got no bites. I tried again in August and no luck again. Granted the stuff I submitted was probably shitty, so I'm hoping it's gotten much better. I think it has, when I read what I was writing in May and what I am writing now.
Over the break I started aggressively applying for jobs. I'm so impatient. I wish someone would just tell me what the outcome is. Also, I want to stay in Austin, but the jobs are slim and I need a better paying gig. The loan lenders are a-knocking on my door, y'all. I'm open to living anywhere at this point. Although I'd like a city atmosphere best.
I want to move to Hong Kong or Dublin and get a job. That would be fun, wouldn't it. Or I'd like to be a sexy spy like James Bond. I could be Vesper, just not die in the end of the movie, but instead live the rest of my life w/ James in a Tuscan villa. ...... I'm really good at dreaming.
There is a question though about getting so much in a role that you disappear into it. I think it's a good and bad thing. I think I would never be a good actress because I would lose a little bit of myself in each role and then not know who I really was. Also, as an actress it seems you are always "pseudo-living" adventures. For instance, in Eat, Pray, Love Julia Roberts plays a woman who has an introspective, international reawakening enlightenment. But does the actress really have the same experience? I don't know. Isn't do something "for real" better than acting it? Unless of course you adhere that acting is "to be" in every sense of the word. Like Daniel Day Lewis.
I've handed in my poetry and am wishing, hoping, praying SOMEONE likes it. I think I may submit to more places today, just in case no one does. My first attempt was in May of 2012 and I got no bites. I tried again in August and no luck again. Granted the stuff I submitted was probably shitty, so I'm hoping it's gotten much better. I think it has, when I read what I was writing in May and what I am writing now.
Over the break I started aggressively applying for jobs. I'm so impatient. I wish someone would just tell me what the outcome is. Also, I want to stay in Austin, but the jobs are slim and I need a better paying gig. The loan lenders are a-knocking on my door, y'all. I'm open to living anywhere at this point. Although I'd like a city atmosphere best.
I want to move to Hong Kong or Dublin and get a job. That would be fun, wouldn't it. Or I'd like to be a sexy spy like James Bond. I could be Vesper, just not die in the end of the movie, but instead live the rest of my life w/ James in a Tuscan villa. ...... I'm really good at dreaming.
Chris & Don: A Love Story
I watched this documentary last night for the 4th time in the past 2 years. I still sob uncontrollably and it feels so good.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
2013
i very much enjoyed being at home for the holidays. but there is no sun here or public transportation. also most of my friends have since moved away due to the shitty economy that is here. so mostly, the visit was fun because of my family and friends who i got to visit with who i barely see anymore.
i hope the new year brings me a new job and more money. if i had an enslaved genie in a bottle i would also wish to live in a foreign country, but alas i see no way that would happen in this year. you can't have it all!
but truly, i do have it all. i have my health, family and friends. and really good food. and a job i like!!!
i think it is easy to live in America and think you have it hard. i think it is harder to look outside the box when you live here and realize you a very rich person compared to the rest of the world. some places have absolutely nothing. i try to keep up on world news so i do not become one of the mass that hails to Honey Boo or the Kimye baby. And yes, I realize knowing about that kinda just blew my cover, but i try to not limit my google reading to the "entertainment" section.
i have a positive outlook for 2013, but maybe that is just because at the beginning of every new year that is how you feel.
i defriended old ex boyfriends that i don't talk to anymore off my facebook. then i proceeded to get rid of the other 50 people i never communicate with in any capacity anymore. it was a nice spring cleaning, freeing feeling.
my intentions for 2013 include the following - no i am not sharing all of them - [some reveal my life long flaws!]
i hope the new year brings me a new job and more money. if i had an enslaved genie in a bottle i would also wish to live in a foreign country, but alas i see no way that would happen in this year. you can't have it all!
but truly, i do have it all. i have my health, family and friends. and really good food. and a job i like!!!
i think it is easy to live in America and think you have it hard. i think it is harder to look outside the box when you live here and realize you a very rich person compared to the rest of the world. some places have absolutely nothing. i try to keep up on world news so i do not become one of the mass that hails to Honey Boo or the Kimye baby. And yes, I realize knowing about that kinda just blew my cover, but i try to not limit my google reading to the "entertainment" section.
i have a positive outlook for 2013, but maybe that is just because at the beginning of every new year that is how you feel.
i defriended old ex boyfriends that i don't talk to anymore off my facebook. then i proceeded to get rid of the other 50 people i never communicate with in any capacity anymore. it was a nice spring cleaning, freeing feeling.
my intentions for 2013 include the following - no i am not sharing all of them - [some reveal my life long flaws!]
- drink more water and green tea
- invest more energy in cooking quality food - this includes learning how to make a damn good bowl of Pho
- write more
- get published
- continue working out 3-5x a week
- make more money
- travel - nyc, hawaii, south east asia
- cultivate patience
- more yoga
- don't date losers
So judging by the list above the word of the year is MORE.
but that seems so selfish and greedy. Maybe BETTER is a good replacement.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
NEW WARDROBE
I'm cleaning out my wardrobe when i get home. i would say i'm replacing the old items with new ones, but i don't have that sort of money. I did however get two great blazers, a pairs of red pumps and a sexy little cocktail dress from H&M which will be going into the ATX closet.
ALSO - can we talk about the phenomenon of having a certain article of clothing that will always get you laid? i have a select few and they seem to work every time. BUT is it due to the confidence one carries when in the outfit, or the outfit alone?
These are the clothes i would buy if i had money to replenish my empty closet:
ALSO - can we talk about the phenomenon of having a certain article of clothing that will always get you laid? i have a select few and they seem to work every time. BUT is it due to the confidence one carries when in the outfit, or the outfit alone?
These are the clothes i would buy if i had money to replenish my empty closet:
THE MOVIE "SECRETARY"-ESQUE, NO?
 |
I WANT PLEATHER PANTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS |
 |
YES. I WOULD WEAR A BERET IN REAL LIFE IF I HAD ONE. |
 |
I WANT TO BE THIS WOMAN. |
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