breakthrough.

For the first time in a LONG time, i felt whole. I felt that everything I needed, I had. I wasn't wanting anything, I wasn't missing anything; I felt truly complete. It happened at yoga last night and it was a personal highlight for me this year.  I was in the half moon pose!!!

i have been getting signs lately. and it's getting me really excited. I can hear my intuition clearly now and I'm confident it's leading somewhere magical. for awhile there, I couldn't hear it at all and didn't know what to do. I was feeling shame, guilt, and apologizing for no reason.

my future goals are more visible now, but i am also trying to live in the present. it's a balancing act that only gets better with practice. that's what I've learned these past few months.

ALSO can i just say, "The Four Agreements" has been an amazing read these past few months. It may seem at first like hippe bullshit, but it is a book which has reminded me about things that are key to have in finding personal acceptance, contentment, confidence. 

back in the saddle again.

 



on Friday night i had spoken to my mother on the phone and told her i was giving up on dating and that in order for me to ever be asked out on a date again, I'd have to move. She told me i was wrong but i didn't believe her. refused to.

i went to a friend's birthday party. I wore a chili pepper red colored mini skirt, black v-neck tshirt, my new brown leather jacket, lacey tights and my Florentine leather boots. i looked hot. I finished it off with red lipstick.

Saturday night as i was drinking an abita purple haze i saw a REAL man walk into the bar. He was not of the typical DC fare and i think that's why i thought he was so hot. He had a lumberjack beard, tousled hair (perhaps from his motorcycle helmet?), and i could see tattoos peeping out from his vintage leather sleeved jacket. He had thick silver rings on and was sitting at the bar with his friend. SO OF COURSE I SAT on the empty bar stool next to him. And ACCIDENTALLY brushed up against him when someone was trying to push me away to get to the bar.

We chatted very casually for 15 minutes and shared a shot of whiskey. he then said,

"Well, I'm about to leave with my friend here. I dunno if this is too forward or not, but I'd like to get your number."

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
the sexy man wanted my number.

He slid over a bar napkin and i wrote my digits down. And i got a text the next day :)

The second guy i met at the bar was equally charming, but not as intriguing or non-DC. He was a clean-cut all American male which i also like. He was funny, cute, and NOT GAY OR MARRIED. Lately dating in this city I run into two frequent roadblocks: Gay or Married.

The two men i gave my number to were neither MARRIED, GAY, or IN THEIR 40s!!!! BLESSED VIRGIN THANK YOU GOD.

The whole night was a small step for my confidence and a huge leap for my dating life.

You'll never guess

Ok. So now i am seriously thinking the Universe has moved beyond playing pranks on me and is actually trying to tell me something significant. cuz nothing makes sense anymore!

You'll never guess who emailed me to mention "that we should hang out and catch up soon - and did i see you walking down the street last week?" And yet i then saw him today running with his lady friend of last Sunday??? I don't even know if he's single. Does he really JUST want to be friends. He's just too sexy for me to do that with him.

The WHITE WHALE, the RPJ, returns and i really wanna know the beginning of this story, or the end of it.

if anything does happen and Ahab finally catches the White Whale, you'll be the first to know about it, dear reader.

like i said. BIG if.

i really think he's just playing tag with me, adult style.