back in the saddle again.

 



on Friday night i had spoken to my mother on the phone and told her i was giving up on dating and that in order for me to ever be asked out on a date again, I'd have to move. She told me i was wrong but i didn't believe her. refused to.

i went to a friend's birthday party. I wore a chili pepper red colored mini skirt, black v-neck tshirt, my new brown leather jacket, lacey tights and my Florentine leather boots. i looked hot. I finished it off with red lipstick.

Saturday night as i was drinking an abita purple haze i saw a REAL man walk into the bar. He was not of the typical DC fare and i think that's why i thought he was so hot. He had a lumberjack beard, tousled hair (perhaps from his motorcycle helmet?), and i could see tattoos peeping out from his vintage leather sleeved jacket. He had thick silver rings on and was sitting at the bar with his friend. SO OF COURSE I SAT on the empty bar stool next to him. And ACCIDENTALLY brushed up against him when someone was trying to push me away to get to the bar.

We chatted very casually for 15 minutes and shared a shot of whiskey. he then said,

"Well, I'm about to leave with my friend here. I dunno if this is too forward or not, but I'd like to get your number."

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
the sexy man wanted my number.

He slid over a bar napkin and i wrote my digits down. And i got a text the next day :)

The second guy i met at the bar was equally charming, but not as intriguing or non-DC. He was a clean-cut all American male which i also like. He was funny, cute, and NOT GAY OR MARRIED. Lately dating in this city I run into two frequent roadblocks: Gay or Married.

The two men i gave my number to were neither MARRIED, GAY, or IN THEIR 40s!!!! BLESSED VIRGIN THANK YOU GOD.

The whole night was a small step for my confidence and a huge leap for my dating life.

give hugs.

i saw the white whale in the grocery store on the 17th. i heard my name being called from across the crowded aisle. and somehow i was transformed into a holy deity. I had a graceful conversation and even GAVE A HUG to the white whale.  For some reason I felt a great compassion in that moment.  I realized I had moved on and forgiven him and he still felt bad for hurting me.

Sometimes the right thing to do is just be nice to those who need it more than you, rather than bitter.i realized the white whale needed a hug of forgiveness more than a punch in the face of bitterness.

COUPLES ARE BORING.

COUPLES SUCK.

tonight i was out with my trivia team and my one trivia mate brought his gf. i like her and they are fun. but tonight we started talking about dating. it was 2 single people in the group and 3 coupled people. We were a bit outnumbered.

both me and the other single person stated why dinner is not a first date option, more of a 3rd date option. 1st dates are for casual stuff; drinks, bowling, origami making, podcasting, YOU KNOW.

3rd dates can be dinners. You don't want to eat awkwardly on a first date. not sexy. at all.

The couple insisted their first date was a dinner date. well fuck them.

I also said how on a dinner date i would prefer the man to pay for my dinner. ON THE FIRST DINNER DATE HE NEEDS TO PAY FOR MY DINNER. if he can't or doesn't want to pay for my $12-22.00 pasta dish he can go fuck himself. I AM WORTH far more than a $12-22.00 pasta dish. After the first date we can ease up and split checks, but the first REAL dinner date is important to me. ALSO all my favorite and most caring ex-boyfriends ALWAYS paid for my food the whole time we were dating. IMAGINE THAT.

I was called out on this practice as well. i was told i was NOT FEMINIST AND ANTI-EQUALITY. 

COUPLES ARE STUPID.

i was also told a classics story that most couples tell you. Since they are not in the dating scene they don't understand what it is like to date, how to act. I was told i needed to ask more men out on dates, be more aggressive, approach men.

Personally, i'm not opposed to approaching a man to start a conversation, but i do not want to ask him on a date. I'd rather talk to him, flirt, see if he's interested. If he is interested he will ask me out. IF HE IS NOT, HE WILL NOT ASK ME OUT. and that will save me time. I've asked out men in the past and whenever i've done that it's ended shittily. why? BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T INTO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE.

COUPLES SUCK AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. 

just keep doing your thing. there is no right way to date and you cannot tell the future. 

i'd rather be alone & happy than married & miserable. 

Out of Town Weekend: NEW YORK

i stayed in a different city this weekend. all the girls who walked the streets had tired dyed blonde hair, dark brown roots, matte red lips that cradled a cigarette. All of them wore leather jackets or fur but no puffy sleeping bag ones. such as myself.




Me and my friend watched couples on Friday night, Valentine's day, making out on the street between 2-4 am. We were in a bar, seated by a window that overlooked the avenue. After seeing the first couple macking face, we started betting if the couples would go home in the cab together or take separate cabs. It was fun to watch these little soap operas from afar, displaced enough outside the chaos to enjoy the stormy romance without the consequences.

My big purchase of the weekend was my signature perfume. I've realized every sophisticated woman has a signature scent and i want one. It's something I always thought as a rite of passage of sorts for a grown woman so i took the plunge. I bought a REALLY expensive french perfume. It says this on the back of the bottle:

“A woman of such intimidating beauty and sparkling vitality gained the adoration of everyone around her. However, no one knew what she had been through. With her wild spirit, she was tough, stronger than metal, and never looked back. When she met him, for the first time in her life, she could stand still. She may have found the absolu man.”

This is what's in it:

Top notes :

tangerine from Italy, pink pepper from China, blackcurrant from Burgundy

Heart notes :

violet leaves from Grasse, iris Pallida from Tuscany, mimosa from Grasse

Base notes :

patchouli from Indonesia, white amber, tonka bean from Brazil

Stop hiding your greatness

Stop hiding your greatness and embrace it, you are truly important and worth thriving. 

The fact that you were born proves you were meant to be here, meant for something important. Stop doubting yourself and live the life you want to. Thrive and be happy and everything else will magically come together. 

"You cannot get sick enough to help sick people get better. You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive. It is only in your thriving that you have anything to offer anyone. If you're wanting to be of an advantage to others, be as tapped in, turned in, turned on as you can possibly be."

- Esther Abraham-Hicks

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles (See note below about Nelson Mandela)

WASHINGTON D.C.: MOST LITERATE, MOST ALONE.

I find it fascinating that both these news stories broke today:
D.C. is the 2nd best city for singles: http://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/2014/best-cities-singles/

It also is the #1 most well-read, most literate US city. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/02/06/washington-d-c-is-still-americas-most-literate-city/

WASHINGTON D.C.: MOST SINGLE PEOPLE, MOST LITERATE.

This leads me to the following questions:
Are smart people shitty at dating?

Are smart people too intelligent to date? Meaning too aware of the pitfalls and tragedies dating can bring, so therefore avoid or reject it.

Are people in DC so busy reading books and articles on the internet they do not need human interaction?

Are people in DC too socially awkward and nerdy to find partners?

Are intelligent people arrogant, too picky when choosing a mate?

IS THIS WHY IT'S SO DAMN HARD TO DATE HERE????

this video explains my theory:

You must write.

i'm on wikipedia.

i went to a local bar last night. Most of the entertainment came from the bearded bartenders. there were a bunch of comedians doing stand-up. Wow. that is like the hardest thing to do. I think that would be my personal hell. telling jokes to a dead audience.

This one guy kept on saying on stage and off stage that he was on SNL. And his set wasn't that funny.

I feel like being a comedian or musician is the same. You're either good or not and it's clear. And if you're not good you can fake it for a significant amount of time before someone calls you out. But i say, ride that fake train as long as you can, dear sir!

I saw today that his SNL guy has a wikipedia page. Are wikipedia pages going to become like the new status symbol?  You've made it in life if you have your own wikipedia page? Will it be the new Facebook?

Accomplishments are in the eye of the beholder and sometimes, certain accomplishments are acknowledged by one and all.

It's weird how our online life defines us in our real life, whether we like that or not. When we die, will we be judged by a google search? Or if we had a Wikipedia entry?

Sometimes it seems more life is taking place online than in real life - like online dating. I've never done online dating but it seems like there is a whole WEIRD SICK WORLD going on out there with that. Maybe like 5% is wholesome and weird, but 95% of the stories i hear from my girlfriends are horrific. Maybe I'll try it in 6 months.

MARC MARON

I want to date someone who is like Marc Maron, but less damaged and less angry.

But then, that person wouldn't be like Marc Maron anymore. And I wouldn't like him.

 

All you can do is face it.

i got a lovelorn email from the italian banker and a job offer from a school in Brazil (which i applied to in March 2013).

I said fuck off to the Italian banker. I said No thank you to the principal. 

Sometimes the best thing to do is to just stay put. It'd be fun to forget about my problems by having a torrid Roman affair or pack up all my shit and move to Brazil. But right now, I am diligently working on me. I'm learning shit I wanted to know and never wanted to know about myself. Escaping this process would result in me never getting better.

It's easy to escape and that's why so many people do it. There are so many ways to do it: addiction, lust, travel, self-loathing, food. But it never really solves the core issue (whatever that may be). All you can do is face it. It's the hardest part, but if you can do that you save yourself a lot of time, money, and pain.

It's breaking your leg so you don't have to lose it.

It's been a weird morning.