Fuck yes

I went out with a friend last night. I had some beers. I showed her pictures of the two drastically older men I'm interested in. One of whom is my ex.

She looked at me and said
"OMG. No. You are way too nice and too funny and too beautiful to date these losers!!! You deserve someone who's going to take you on dates and want to date you."

I got a text from RPJ when i got home.

I called him twice he didn't pick up.

I said I'd rather talk on the phone.

So then I proceed to drop TRUTH BOMBS on his phone.

I don't know if what I did was right.

Basically I told him
Shit or get off the pot. Just in many more words.

I spoke my truth, so I'm not going to feel bad about it. I just hate it when a girl speaks her mind and a man labels her as "psycho or crazy" - when in actuality I'm just looking to cleanse my life of the BULLSHIT which he sprays onto it.

It's so complicated and painful and I don't have time for this shit!!!!

Did I do the "right" thing? Am I missing out on the greatest love of my life? I don't think so, since I would hope the greatest love of my life WOULD ACTUALLY TREAT ME WITH MUTUAL RESPECT AND LOVE.  i feel the love from him. Just no respect. 

It's Up from Here.

I really fucked up during my first week of 2015. I guess I can only go up from here.

I hooked up with someone on NYE. He started paying attention to me the minute i walked in the door. And then the ball dropped and then we were kissing. I think I screwed it up before it even started. And that sucks. Since I've not gotten any wanted attention in awhile. And speaking of unwanted attention...

My ex, the toxic one, you know, sent me a "happy new years" text. I answered. He followed up with a we have to catch up!!!

So we did. I went over to his place for tea. We had tea and sat at the kitchen table and beat more dead horses, hashed out everything from the past. I said it wasn't meant to be. He said, not that's not it. It's b/c of _____. He also said if you would've ____.

But we cannot live our lives this way. The What Ifs. I feel deep in my core that there is no reason for us to EVER get back together. But the levy of that thought starts to leak when my ex says things like that. As if he wants it to happen again. 

At first, I felt really good after our meeting. It was healing, a truce. But now I've been doubting it and I know it can't happen too often. There is a small part of me that will always be in love with this fantasy of him. What if it was real? But it's not. So I cannot see us ever being close friends, because then we will venture into toxic territory. A territory I've been in and want no part of anymore. Even thinking about it gives me a visceral reaction, I feel sick to my stomach.

I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to resist that small chance if presented. Yet, I think it's enough of a sign that I have an overwhelming feeling of dread thinking of us dating. Tea time will no longer be a regularity. I do not want to be anyone's option, I want to be someones priority.

I've done so much internal work on myself this year, for the better. I'm so scared of going backwards, but I don't think you can truly go backwards. I get scared all my hard work will be lost.

I told my ex I was seeing someone even though I'm not. I told him I was seeing a South African Journalist who is my age and is really interesting. Maybe if I say it, it will come true.

I think I've been out of sorts and wild and spinning. I don't feel great, but I will soon. I just need to catch my breath and remember all the lessons I've learned. Remember how going backwards is not where I want to go.

2015 can only get better.

 

Throwing Wine in His Face

 


This weekend I went for drinks with an older man. We had one date about 2 weeks ago. He took no initiative, but still contacted me for a non-date. And I still accepted thinking, "alright, at least we can be friends."

He's an interesting person. Bilingual, lived in different countries before. Older. Writes and actually reads books. Nice looking. Things that intrigue me. But I guess my bar isn't high enough.

We had planned to meet at 7pm, somewhere. At 6pm I get a text.

"I'm at [wine bar downtown]. How long will it take for you to get here?"
That's presumptuous. Yes, let me just drop all the shit I'm doing.
I drop it.

"I don't know. I guess 20 minutes if the metro behaves?"
"See you soon."
Ten minutes later,
"What's your ETA?"
My older, emotionally unavailable Ex used to use this phrase. A second glimpse of why I should NOT associate with this person.

"I dunno. 10 minutes I think."
Ten minutes pass. I'm still not on the metro. A minute later I walk through the sliding doors. A minute or two later I get off the metro car, headed to the escalator. I look down at my buzzing phone.

"Come on woman! Get here."
"That's rather demanding, and rude!" I thought. This is the point at which I should have turned around and went home. But I did not listen to my intuition and that's why the shit inevitably would soon hit the fan.

We met at a wine bar, blaring pseudo European electronic dance music. Misogynistic Old Asshole is sitting across from the bar side I'm on. He smiles and waves. I guess he forgot how hot I was. How much younger I was. 
"Took you long enough to get here."
"Ya. Weren't we meeting at 7pm? Not 6."
"I dunno I was here. So I texted you. Get some wine." He only speaks in commands. Another sign.

We start out talking about a mutual friend, possibly calling her to come hang out. We should do karaoke I suggest. He gives me a Cheshire cat smile, "how silly," yet he's so excited to think he could do karaoke later tonight.

Then we move on to talking about the DC dating scene. I explain my stance. No men. Not interested in men. I'm no longer interested. Looking for a relationship, not a one night stand. Looking for someone who is interested in me, don't want to get burned again. 

I explain how in my earlier 20s I did not want commitment. But when that phase was done I realized I wanted more. "Hooking up" didn't feel good. I also mentioned how I thought when you're a young woman you naively equate sex and love as the same thing and you think that if you put out, men will love you more, men will want to be with you for more than sex. At least, this was my experience.

"Equating love and sex? That's insanely naive. I can't even respond to that. Women can be so delusional."

"Delusional?"

"Yes. That's such a naive way to think. How delusional."

"Well I think that's why a lot of young girls have sex in high school. I think a lot of them want to express their love, or think if they give a boy what they want, they will fall in love with them. I think that's why a lot of women regret their first time experiences. Giving it away in a way that didn't work out as they hoped."  

"You mentioned you don't want to jump into anything, you 'got burned'? But the men you're talking about were just flings weren't they?"

"Well I guess they started out that way, but in my naivete I thought I could 'convince' them otherwise."

Angry Misogynistic Old Asshole voice: "Do you realized how victimized you sound? You're portraying yourself like a victim. When you weren't. Those guys just didn't love you and didn't even know that's what you wanted. Communication's important."

Defensive voice: "I don't think I sound like a victim. I think I'm just describing the female experience. At least my experience and what I've seen."

"You're not listening to me.  You're not special, [my name said in his Misogynistic Old Asshole voice]. You're not special. Being burned happens to everyone."

"I'm not special." I repeat back to him. He nodded with a shitty smirk on his face.

Now, I realize he meant my experience, not myself, but still the way he said this felt very dismissive, demeaning. I agree, these things happen to everyone, but when someone shares a story or experience with you, do you respond by dismissing it? I don't. I appreciate openness and honesty.

I felt the stem of my wine glass between my fingers. For a split second I considered splashing it in this Misogynistic Old Asshole's stupid grinning face. Instead, I sipped down the rest of my Rioja.





"I think I'm gonna go."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not having fun anymore." I ask for my check.

"There's no need to leave. I just thought we were having a lively debate. You're taking it so personally."

"I guess I don't share this shit with everyone so to be called a victim and delusional and not special just isn't .... fun."

"But you don't have to leave. It doesn't mean the rest of the night can't be fun. I think we've had a misunderstanding." back pedal back pedal back pedal.

I cash out, get off my bar stool,

"Bye," i say with an awkward smile on my face.

On the metro back home I received three texts. "I'm sorry I upset you. I guess I'm used to having spirited debates with friends who don't take things personally. It's not good to runaway when you don't agree with someone. You didn't have to ruin the whole night over some stupid disagreement."

I went home, pretty pissed off. But instead of crying or letting it ruin my Saturday night i called a friend and went to a corner bar and laughed and drank.

Life is too short to spend with Misogynistic Old Assholes. Even though I totally ignored my instincts and chose to be blind to the warning signs, at least each time it happens I'm getting better at recognizing. Like you know, not actually making out or sleeping with these sorts. That's an improvement.

Digital Witness

Millennials: there are no precise dates when the generation starts and ends. Researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from the early 1980s to the early 2000s. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennials

I am considered to be a Millennial. Millennial have some great qualities. We volunteer more, we’re close to our families, and we are consistently open to new innovation and change, particularly when it comes to environmental regulations ... and new dating apps.*http://www.forbes.com/sites/danschawbel/2013/09/04/why-you-cant-ignore-millennials/ *

One of the downsides of being a Millennial, is dating as a Millennial. On a recent night when I complained to my mother that I wanted to meet a decent man to date, she replied, “Just get yourself made up and go to the corner bar with a girlfriend!” Unfortunately – or fortunately – it’s not that easy anymore.

We are a generation who is emotionally damaging each other through social networks; due to emotional unavailability and an unrealistic expectation of instant gratification.

It seems our digital selves are determining what happens when we're away from the screen. We meet people on social networks, we judge them from their digital representation (a sexy picture), we select one stands late at night after 5 cocktails and push the tiny glowing flame icon on our iPhone screen. We meet people via the internet. We have important conversations over texting, rather than pick up the phone. We dump people via text, email. How is this behavior shaping us and our emotionally expressive selves? Are we becoming or have we already become a culture that can only express things with acronyms in a 140 character text block?

The idea of meeting people via a dating application, like Tinder, is not new.  This same concept used to be in the medium of a personal ad you could post in the back of a newspaper. “Do you like Pina Coladas? Getting caught in the rain?” Online dating is not a bad thing and I personally know three married couples who met via Ok Cupid and they seem very content. I am all for new ways of communication; they are simply a new medium for the same idea. But at times, I feel like these social networks normalize emotional unavailability or avoidance. If you don’t like someone you don’t text them back, or de-friend them from your facebook.You no longer are "required" to have a conversation with anyone. You can disappear. Or so you think.

How do we get over past romantic paramours if all romantic attachments are frozen in a digital world? Each email of past lovely flirtations, every picture taken together, all instant messages are archived. They continue there, living and breathing frozen in time. In the past, if you stopped dating someone you never saw them again unless desired. Now, we can be ambushed by anyone from our past out of the blue.  Getting a blast from the past can become a daily ritual. Of course, deleting, and de-friending help with this predicament, but Google memorializes our every infatuation and breakup whether we like it or not. If cutting someone off suddenly from text or Facebook is a way to disappear, I would argue it's not working.

We need to be careful not to become detached. Numb to the face behind the profile page.  Behind there, there is a person of worth with something to offer you. If not a positive attribute, a lesson to be learned, a story to share. 

A second element Millenials need to focus on is "time." We exist in an instant gratification culture where we can get any song, food, or Netflix series delivered to us in no more than thirty minutes. Although we speed through our digital days, love remains one of the few things you cannot make instant. It’s true, if lucky you could feel an instant connection or attraction, but time is what creates true love.  Reading an “About me” section on a profile does not mean you now are compatible and know everything about that person. We are complex, beautiful beings and that is not translated on the web. Except for those digital copies of great works; the Mona Lisa, A Beatles song on Spotify. Those things do express the human experience. 

I am hoping we use this current dating world to our advantage; use it as a tool to initiate conversation, but not use it to replace our voice. Selecting someone from Tinder can be done, but once you select them, go on a date and get to know them. Don’t just have a 30 minute "hook-up" and peace out. You weren’t made for that. You were made to be loved and cared for on an emotionally open level. 

I am holding out for the serendipitous meeting in the coffee shop line, accidentally bumping into a handsome man at the gallery, the plane seat introduction, picking up my crushed tomatoes off the farmer’s market floor, but not alone. 

My future ex-husband and RuPaul

 My future ex-husband, Marc Maron, spoke with RuPaul today on his podcast. I REALLY enjoyed this WTF podcast episode. Marc and RuPaul touched on:

• finding your true self, 
• shedding the labels society puts on you
• shedding the identity you unconsciously may be shackling yourself to
• the importance of being fearless

all the while peppering the conversation with TONS of hearty laughter.

I love Marc Maron's podcast because he and his guests touch on subjects that are a part of the human experience (ie: those sucky emotions, "heavy shit", life's major questions, the purpose of life),but he approaches these subjects with warm humor, compassion, and genuine interest. These are things we as a culture do not always talk about, but his podcast makes it approachable, interesting and .... really entertaining!

RuPaul had some AMAZING insights on how we choose to live. How these choices can free you or deplete you. How to let go of fear and live a life without fear.

My favorite quote was "Ru - Don't take life too fucking seriously!" listen AT 40:55!!!!

LISTEN HERE:
http://www.wtfpod.com/

http://www.wtfpod.com/podcast/episodes/episode_498_-_rupaul_charles

my tribe

i hate it when people bail on me.
moving to a new city is so much harder than you think it will be. i figured since i did it once, the second time would be easier. but sometimes i feel like it's just as hard.
i can't wait for when i finally find my tribe. i think i've found some of them already.
i have to remember to be patient.

one thing i've learned in the past year is that this cliche is true:

quality relationships take quality time. you can make fast friends, but it is the amount of time and how open you are with them that makes them worthy friends, friends that will be there for you. this goes for romantic relationships as well.




PHOTO CREDIT: Daasanach tribe girl - Omorate Ethiopia by Eric Lafforgue, via Flickr

Connect the Dots.

Last night i went to a 90s cover band with my friends and had lots of fun. We danced to santaria and hootie and the blowfish - "i only wanna be with you". I texted the guys who asked for my number last weekend and neither of them came. One was "in Baltimore" (i don't know if that was true) and one JUST NEVER ANSWERED.

It's weird when guys ask for your number, text you saying they want to see you and then never respond to any of your texts. But I think it's just because they were bored when they initially asked you for the number and weren't actually into you. Maybe they thought they were when they were alone at a bar. Mostly though I just think that's inconsiderate dick-like behavior. But who am I to judge.

We then went to the corner bar at 1:30 am where all the black men thought i was hot and all the white men were way too young, too handsy and i had to call them out and remove them from my general dancing circle. Race had nothing to do with this, it was just the weird unexplainable thread of the night.

It was beautiful to be out with a group of girlfriends. i really liked that. There is something about drinking beers and dancing to good music with women; and you don't care if men are there or looking at you.

After the last bar i walked to my apartment with my roomie and was hungry and wanted 2:45 in the morning food. She did too. So i went to the pizza shop around the corner and got in line. While in line i see THE WHITE WHALE in the corner of my eye with his fellow photo journalist friend chatting. "FUCKKKKKK," was my first thought. The next thought was, "REALLY?  ... ... ... really...?!" Then the third thought was, "pretend he isn't here."

But of course he was an adult and mature and came over on his way out to say hello to me. Which included a European kiss on both cheeks - I'm attributing that to his suspected drunkeness. He introduced me to his friend. I was graceful and appropriate (yet again) and felt ok about that. Although I've forgiven him, I'm not ready to see him on a 3 times a month basis. I don't want to think about him anymore. It's like when you're happy that your ex is married but you don't need to look at the Facebook album of his wedding day. It's like that. We never ran into each other this much before we dated, why is it more now???

This leads me to question what the Universe is trying to tell me. Am I not getting over this fast enough? Am I being tested by the Universe to prove that I'm "really" over him? Or maybe it's not cosmic at all. Maybe it's not telling me anything. Maybe it's just the truth and that is what happens when you live 10 blocks away from a guy you used to date and abruptly crushed your hopes of a new romance in half and then threw it like dust into the garbage.

Maybe the Universe is just telling me "you gotta keep on trucking, protect your beautiful sass, and cut the assholes off the team."

I don't know what the lesson is and i most likely will not see it until next year. Things that happen in your life are like a "connect-the-dots" picture. You don't see how it all makes sense until you are done and realize that point 1-2 is the arm and 5-10 is the nose and well duh, of course it was a horse!!!! Really though I hope i don't see him anymore it sucks.

back in the saddle again.

 



on Friday night i had spoken to my mother on the phone and told her i was giving up on dating and that in order for me to ever be asked out on a date again, I'd have to move. She told me i was wrong but i didn't believe her. refused to.

i went to a friend's birthday party. I wore a chili pepper red colored mini skirt, black v-neck tshirt, my new brown leather jacket, lacey tights and my Florentine leather boots. i looked hot. I finished it off with red lipstick.

Saturday night as i was drinking an abita purple haze i saw a REAL man walk into the bar. He was not of the typical DC fare and i think that's why i thought he was so hot. He had a lumberjack beard, tousled hair (perhaps from his motorcycle helmet?), and i could see tattoos peeping out from his vintage leather sleeved jacket. He had thick silver rings on and was sitting at the bar with his friend. SO OF COURSE I SAT on the empty bar stool next to him. And ACCIDENTALLY brushed up against him when someone was trying to push me away to get to the bar.

We chatted very casually for 15 minutes and shared a shot of whiskey. he then said,

"Well, I'm about to leave with my friend here. I dunno if this is too forward or not, but I'd like to get your number."

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
the sexy man wanted my number.

He slid over a bar napkin and i wrote my digits down. And i got a text the next day :)

The second guy i met at the bar was equally charming, but not as intriguing or non-DC. He was a clean-cut all American male which i also like. He was funny, cute, and NOT GAY OR MARRIED. Lately dating in this city I run into two frequent roadblocks: Gay or Married.

The two men i gave my number to were neither MARRIED, GAY, or IN THEIR 40s!!!! BLESSED VIRGIN THANK YOU GOD.

The whole night was a small step for my confidence and a huge leap for my dating life.

WASHINGTON D.C.: MOST LITERATE, MOST ALONE.

I find it fascinating that both these news stories broke today:
D.C. is the 2nd best city for singles: http://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/2014/best-cities-singles/

It also is the #1 most well-read, most literate US city. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/02/06/washington-d-c-is-still-americas-most-literate-city/

WASHINGTON D.C.: MOST SINGLE PEOPLE, MOST LITERATE.

This leads me to the following questions:
Are smart people shitty at dating?

Are smart people too intelligent to date? Meaning too aware of the pitfalls and tragedies dating can bring, so therefore avoid or reject it.

Are people in DC so busy reading books and articles on the internet they do not need human interaction?

Are people in DC too socially awkward and nerdy to find partners?

Are intelligent people arrogant, too picky when choosing a mate?

IS THIS WHY IT'S SO DAMN HARD TO DATE HERE????

this video explains my theory:

Roman Geisha

last night i went to a birthday party. then the whole party went to a bar. at the bar i was approached by an older, Roman banker. It's as if God knows my biggest temptations. We flirted all night. Talked about Italy. Then we started talking about relationships. Then we found ourselves at a 24 hour diner because there was still so much to talk about. And then we talked about his marriage. we left the diner and both walked towards our different lives.

Nothing happened but good conversation. It wasn't about dating, sex, or exchanging numbers - that never happened; it was about talking to a stranger and the enjoyment of that. But i don't know why I entertain unavailable men. Was I a Geisha in a past life?

It's something I'm working on, and it makes me hate bars and it makes me hate dating in a way i never have before.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

Snow Day.

I had a Snow day this week.  I woke up late, had some breakfast.  I considered going ice skating but the one I wanted to go to was closed.

So instead I called up the White Whale and we had tea for two. It was lovely. I like him more every time I see him.

IHOP

I went to a show of one my favorite bands. They are from the area where I grew up. They sneak in geographical name places that only someone from there would know ... that is why i like them. their lyrics are all about nostalgia, memories, smells and images they hold close to their past. it's like they are trying to document memories that no one else knows about, but by putting them in a song, they take on a new life and recycle themselves into a song that is now in everyone else's brain - set to live on forever, or until someone doesn't hear that song anymore. clever.

At the show i met two people who were there for the music as well. At first when i sat at the bar top i felt rather lonely. But then i started talking to a fellow lone bar top sitter and everything was ok.

The show was AMAZING. the band came off the stage for the last bit of the show and did it acoustic. and of course i was in front! lyrics and harmony get me every time.

After the show we were all a tad drunk. And hungry. So we went to IHOP. We all ordered the pancake combo. I got strawberry pancakes and sausage links and scrambled eggs. We proclaimed we were the Breakfast Club.

I woke up the next day and we got a Snow day.

That was been the best Monday ever.

The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

I read an article about genetic memory: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-25156510

It got me thinking about other things, like past lives.

I spoke to a close friend of mine a few weeks ago. We determined if we did in fact have past lives, we knew exactly who we were in those lives. I was an Italian Prima Donna opera singer at some point. I'm positive. Why, you may ask?

 

• i am in love with love
• i love to sing, and am quite a good singer actually
• i love theatrical drama
• i love character driven stories
• when i was in italy, it felt like a new home to me
• i am obsessed with italy in general
• i am obsessed with italians 
• i love art, art history
• i am sassy and can be a bitch if need be
• i usually have ridiculous, insane love affairs

The friend that spoke with me on the subject believed she was an ex-groupie from California in the 1960s.



She said she didn't fear life struggles as much, because she knew she had lived life once before, her past life.
"Don't you get that feeling, like, 'Well, it worked out before so it's going to all be fine again.' "

I think i can relate to that. Also -
isn't it odd when you get an "at home" feeling in a brand new place, like you have been there before or are from there?

And what about when you meet someone, and feel as though you know them, even after only speaking with them for a short time. I'm convinced at least two of my past lovers I have known in a previous lifetime. Stuff that I felt and things that happened between us were just too coincidental to ignore.

Isn't it in the Disney movie, "Sleeping Beauty" that illustrates this concept of love so well?

I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yes, I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
the way you did once upon a dream

The opposite could happen as well. Predetermining your taste for a place or person due to an uneasy feeling or energy you sense from them.

This unexplained comfort/discomfort could just "be" the way it is. But the Cosmos seem so deep and mysterious, I think there is something to the concept of past lives, past journeys, a past experience we are not fully conscious of.

AHAB HAS CAUGHT THE WHITE WHALE, bitches.

The white whale came over to watch a movie in my turf last night. We ended up cuddling and then smooching as long as we could.

We're trying to stay in an introductory phase for as long as we can. We don't wanna get ahead of ourselves. Even though we find each other incredibly attractive. He is a man's man. Tall, dark (silver fox actually), Italian (meaning he speaks it sometimes which is...!!!), and so so very handsome. and the whole occupation doesn't hurt either. there is a high voltage charge between us that's too much to temper at times, but i'm going to try.

On the subject of books, The White Whale said, he only reads historical narratives.

i chided him and said he isn't giving reading a chance if he's only reading one genre. He replied, "i've read Moby Dick four times, though."

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT.
that was almost too crazy to believe. 

We watched a George Clooney film and then i put on Roman Holiday. The white whale said,
"Gregory Peck is best in the old version of Moby Dick."

 

WHATTTTTTTTT.

yes, y'all. this really happened. Ms. Ahab finally caught her fish and my did it taste so succulent.

I'm excited to see what the future holds for us. This time I'm excited because we are taking it at a glacial pace. This is a new concept to me. But I've reached a point in my life where I'd rather take my sweet time and invest, rather than waste it all in one shot and be disappointed.

Tag you're it.

Me and the white whale just talked on the phone for 30 minutes. I could barely breathe on the phone because he sounds so sexy......and i already know i laughed too much, failing to maintain any mystery. He gives me butterflies and it's so embarrassing. And i don't even think he thinks what I think. He probably just thinks i think of him as a friend.

He wants to become running buddies and drink beers. He wants to be friends? I don't know. I don't really care.

But when i got off the phone - this is what i did [WATCH AT 4:25 OF THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO].

And that's how i know if i have a crush on a sexy ass man. 

Whiskey & Women

http://guestofaguest.com/washington-dc/calendar/2013/october/whiskey-women-book-signing-and-tasting

http://www.amazon.com/Whiskey-Women-Untold-Bourbon-Scotch/dp/1612345646


 

I went to a Whiskey tasting/Book signing last night. I figured, "i am a woman and i like whiskey." I didn't finish the flight because I wanted to walk - not stumble home.

I got the author to sign my book and he had a very clever inscription i want to share with you, dear reader:

"S, may your scotch always be neat!"

har har har!!!

i had told him my favorite was scotch, Laphroaig


:)




i like going to random things and meeting people and not knowing what is coming next. although people complain that it is not good to focus on the future, i find the future to be a wondrous mystery - the possibilities are endless and everyday you open it up like a little gift to add to your glass menagerie collection. And when you stand back to look at it, so many people and memories whisper from the shelves. 

You never know who or what will walk into your life. It's exciting.

O Canada.

 Canadian accents remind me of the people I love in my life, my family. I was born & raised in Canada til i was three and then moved to the States. But all my relatives and loved ones speak, "that way." So needless to say, a man with a Canadian accent makes me happy cuz the sound of it reminds me of good people in my life.




I am dating a scrappy Canadian, soon-to-be-lawyer (at a non-profit firm no less).

I am in the stage where I my "like" for him is growing at an alarming rate. He wears a St. Christopher emblem around his neck but you can only see it when he has no clothes on.



He has an activist streak in himself for the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I don't but I like the fact he cares so much about it. I also like that he invites me along to documentaries and talks about it. He wants me to join in on causes he cares about.

He is in his 30s and has lived in many different places than the U S of A.

He calls me sweetie and hottie and gives me smooches and for right now i am quite content. I'm trying to put off the inevitable - when one of us moves on to another.

It's weird being 20 and single, because you want the connection and care that comes from a consistent partner but you do not want to settle down.  I suppose when you get the feeling that you want to settle down, that person is the right one for you.

But I do not think I am ready for that yet.  There are things on my list that will be difficult to do with another person - unless they are the right person - then i guess they can come along for the ride.

Seeing Nicholas Sparks

I took a chance and saw an Author Talk at 6th & I with the the incredibly humble and charming, Nicholas Sparks.  And i even got a signed copy of his new book with my ticket purchase!

I enjoyed the talk so much more than I had expected. I thought Mr. Sparks was going to be somewhat of a "Godlike" character - very elevated, knowing his talent and being arrogant.  My first assumption is that people that are THAT successful must be like this, even if they try to not show it - to me, Oprah and Tom Cruise act like this. Very smug it seems.

So - to my absolute surprise, Sparks has none of the arrogance and all of the talent.  He was so enjoyable to listen to.  He spoke on his new book, "The Longest Ride", his writing process, what it's like to have a good majority of your 18 novels adapted into movies, and life in general.

Some moments i loved, as a writer:

• He said he gets a "seed" of an idea and this grows into a novel. He said he doesn't know where that seed comes from, but when he gets one that sticks with him he writes about it and sees where it leads him.
• He writes for 5 hours a day, averaging a novel in a 5 month period.
• A lot of his characters are based on his experiences, specifically the people he has known and loved in his life, ie: he spoke about his wife, grandparents-in-law, brother, sisters and children. 
• "Writing is hard" - He wanted to emphasize that he just doesn't sit down and have things effortlessly flow from his fingertips
• "I'm a writer not a typist" - It's easy to type out a bunch of words onto paper, but not to write a bunch of words on paper.
• Although all of his stories take place in the South, he tries to challenge himself by writings characters he is not - ie: he is a white, male - he writes characters from different gender, races and religious backgrounds.
• He does not classify himself as a romance novelist, ie: anything with Fabio on the book cover.  He says his work are novels about life and life has great romance and love stories in it, but they should not be classified strictly as "romance novels"

Some moments i loved as an audience member:

• One question asked was, "what was the hardest character to stop writing about, or walk away from when you were done writing about them?" He answered it was Jamie from "A Walk to Remember" because that character was based on his sister who died of cancer at a young age. I got misty eyed when he told that story and talked about his sister and her life and how that was shown in the book.
• He personally believes that every person will do the right thing most of the time. and most of the time we all have the best intentions.  But sometimes we screw up or are flawed. And that is how he writes his characters. 
• He was really funny!!! You'd think he'd be serious, but he was so light hearted and happy.  Not a moody, serious writer.
• He lives in a small town in North Carolina, which i love
• He based "The Notebook" on his wife's grandparents love story. 

Sparks definitely seems like a person who enjoys life, works hard for his success and tries to take in all the good and bad and enjoy every moment. I love people like that!  I wish i could be more like that.

Friday night, the 27th

Friday night i went out with the HCMW (hawt canadian man whore) lawyer.  We went to Union Market for some tasty sea morsels of raw oysters. I ordered the Cava, he got a beer i forget the name of now. Oh and we also hacked away at a glorious crabcake, crispy on all sides, laying on a beg of pretentious (in the best sense) slaw.

The HCMW went to Berlin last week and told me of his travels. He spoke of beer and beer and sausages and bread. and lots of art. and people with crazy hair styles who will be cooler than you no matter how hard you try. He also said the bars were all hole in the wall, divey places with dark dark lights and a band that would consist of violinist and bass - or pick any two other instruments.

After that we then went to a bunch of other fine H Street establishments. They have great bars on that street. They are the kind that you can hide away in and will not see anyone you know. They are a bit smoky, loud and secret.

At the Old Queen Vic we had the most beers. Mostly of the Scottish fare. Then the HCMW continued to romance me and i was done for. We've been dating since August, so the jig is up.

After our fun night we went to the Crafty Bastards Craft fair.  I bought a beautiful print from an Asheville, NC's Marisol Spoon, http://marisolspoon.com/category.php?category_id=2 I got the "Librarian" one. So fitting. She is so cute. I can't wait to stick her in a frame.

The HCMW wears a St. Christopher necklace under his clothes, over his collarbone. He brought me back 3 huge bars of dark chocolate (70%+). He told me he wants to fatten me up so he won't have other men competing for my affections and he can have me all to himself. Ha! I thought that was very saucy to say.

"I Remember" by Anne Sexton

 

I remember by Anne Sexton.