in time of daffodils (who know
the goal of living is to grow)
forgetting why, remember how
in time of lilacs who proclaim
the aim of waking is to dream,
remember so (forgetting seem)
in time of roses (who amaze
our now and here with paradise)
forgetting if, remember yes
in time of all sweet things beyond
whatever mind may comprehend,
remember seek (forgetting find)
and in a mystery to be
(when time from time shall set us free)
forgetting me, remember me
The white whale came over to watch a movie in my turf last night. We ended up cuddling and then smooching as long as we could.
We're trying to stay in an introductory phase for as long as we can. We don't wanna get ahead of ourselves. Even though we find each other incredibly attractive. He is a man's man. Tall, dark (silver fox actually), Italian (meaning he speaks it sometimes which is...!!!), and so so very handsome. and the whole occupation doesn't hurt either. there is a high voltage charge between us that's too much to temper at times, but i'm going to try.
On the subject of books, The White Whale said, he only reads historical narratives.
i chided him and said he isn't giving reading a chance if he's only reading one genre. He replied, "i've read Moby Dick four times, though."
WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT. that was almost too crazy to believe.
We watched a George Clooney film and then i put on Roman Holiday. The white whale said,
"Gregory Peck is best in the old version of Moby Dick."
WHATTTTTTTTT.
yes, y'all. this really happened. Ms. Ahab finally caught her fish and my did it taste so succulent.
I'm excited to see what the future holds for us. This time I'm excited because we are taking it at a glacial pace. This is a new concept to me. But I've reached a point in my life where I'd rather take my sweet time and invest, rather than waste it all in one shot and be disappointed.
Been feeling super restless lately. But that's just me - the good and bad.
I saw this movie called, "Frances Ha." I related to "Frances" in the way she was running around in her 20s. Thankfully I think I have my shit together more than that character: ie: job, place to live.
Her monologue about what she wanted in a relationship really moved me. I thought it was really beautiful. She ends up finding that in one of her best friends, not romantically. Either way, what a great relationship to have in your life.
"It’s that thing when you’re with someone and
you love them and they know it, and they love you and you know it, but
it’s at a party! And you’re both talking to other people and you’re
laughing and shining and you look across the room and catch each other’s
eyes. But…but not because you’re possessive or it’s precisely sexual
but because that is your person in this life. And it’s funny and sad but
only because this life will end. And it’s this secret world that exists
right there in public unnoticed that no one knows about. It’s sort of
like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us, but we
don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s…that’s what I want out
of a relationship or just life, I guess."
I am on a lonely road and I am traveling Traveling, traveling, traveling Looking for something, what can it be Oh I hate you some, I hate you some, I love you some Oh I love you when I forget about me
I want to be strong I want to laugh along I want to belong to the living Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive Do you want - do you want - do you want to dance with me baby Do you want to take a chance On maybe finding some sweet romance with me baby Well, come on
All I really really want our love to do Is to bring out the best in me and in you too All I really really want our love to do Is to bring out the best in me and in you I want to talk to you, I want to shampoo you I want to renew you again and again Applause, applause - Life is our cause When I think of your kisses my mind see-saws Do you see - do you see - do you see how you hurt me baby So I hurt you too Then we both get so blue.
I am on a lonely road and I am traveling Looking for the key to set me free Oh the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling It's the unraveling And it undoes all the joy that could be I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun I want to be the one that you want to see I want to knit you a sweater Want to write you a love letter I want to make you feel better I want to make you feel free I want to make you feel free
my favorite sort of night is when you have a glass of wine while putting your makeup on. but not too much wine, because you don't want to put on too much makeup.
you go out to your favorite bar. with your friends. and then other people show up that you don't know and you exchange names. everyone is friendly and talks and gets along.
everyone likes hearing what you choose to play on the jukebox. everyone likes motown so you play motown. everyone likes Sam Cooke.
you continue on with beer because that's what you started with, or you move on to whiskey. and moving onto whiskey is usually always a bad idea, but you chose to do so anyway. you are little older now, so you know to sip it and it won't be as bad as you know it could be.
everyone gets sick of the first bar and you go to another bar. the second bar is never as good as the first one, but you needed to leave the first bar. right now you couldn't say why you did if anyone asked you.
someone is restless like you and invited everyone back to there place. it is not yet 12am but everyone still wants to go back to someone's place. some of you go and some of you take cabs home together to make love, and some of you go home alone to watch a movie, eat drunkenly and bitch.
you go back to the house, because you are restless and still want to meet all these people and talk about their lives and talk about how they see the world. this all sounds better while holding a glass of wine. you sip that too though, because you want to enjoy every sip, every word that is coming out of this new person's lips.
the lights are lower in the room you all sit in. slowly, everyone goes off to bed, except for you and an attractive man. you stay up and talk. you exchange stories, know where he is from, what he did in high school with his friends - however nerdy, although you don't find it nerdy you find it endearing - who he is or who he is not in love with, his favorite drink, what he likes about women, what he hates about women.
he is fascinated by you and everything you say and you can tell he wants to kiss you. but you both don't do that because all this connection is too comfortable to mess up this late at night. so you fall asleep on the couch and the next morning you walk home and you see him in a month and you feel like he forgot about all of it, but you look at him like you didn't.
Well, they blew up the Chicken Man in Philly last night
And they blew up his house, too
Down on the boardwalk they're ready for a fight
Gonna see what them racket boys can do
Now there's trouble busin' in from outta state
And the D.A. can't get no relief
Gonna be a rumble on the promenade
And the gamblin' commissioner's hangin' on by the skin of his teeth
Everything dies, baby, that's a fact But maybe everything that dies some day comes back Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty And meet me tonight in Atlantic City
Well, I got a job and I put my money away
But I got the kind of debts that no honest man can pay
So I drew out what I had from the Central Trust
And I bought us two tickets on that Coast City bus
Everything dies, baby, that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies some day comes back
Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty
And meet me tonight in Atlantic City
Now our luck may have died and our love may be cold
But with you forever I'll stay
We'll be goin' out where the sand turns to gold
But put your stockings on, 'cause it might get cold
Oh, everything dies, baby, that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies some day comes back
Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty
And meet me tonight in Atlantic City
Now I've been a-lookin' for a job, but it's hard to find
There's winners and there's losers and I'm south of the line
Well, I'm tired of gettin' caught out on the losin' end
But I talked to a man last night, gonna do a little favor for him
Well, everything dies, baby, that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies some day comes back
Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty
And meet me tonight in Atlantic City
Oh, meet me tonight in Atlantic City
Oh, meet me tonight in Atlantic City
Look at me, I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree;
And I feel like I'm clingin' to a cloud, I can' t understand I get misty, just holding your hand. Walk my way, And a thousand violins begin to play,
Or it might be the sound of your hello, That music I hear, I get misty, the moment you're near. Can't you see that you're leading me on? And it's just what I want you to do, Don't you notice how hopelessly I'm lost That's why I'm following you.
On my own, When I wander through this wonderland alone, Never knowing my right foot from my left My hat from my glove
I'm too misty, and too much in love. Too misty, And too much in love.....
Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
You love me no longer, I know
And maybe there is nothing
That I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
That I ought to stick to another man
A man that surely deserves me
But I think you do!
So I cry, I pray and I beg
Love me love me
Say that you love me
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me leave me
Just say that you need me
Love me love me
Say that you love me
Leave me leave me
Just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...
Lately I have desperately pondered,
Spent my nights awake and I wonder
What I could have done in another way
To make you stay
Reason will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
As long as you don't go
So I cry, I pray, and I beg
Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool me, fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
So I cry, and I pray for you to
Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...
Anything but you...
Love me, love me (Say that you love me)
Fool me, fool me (Go on and fool me)
Love me, love me (I know that you need me)
I can't care 'bout anything but you..
I saw Mary Ellen Mark speak tonight. She and her work is remarkable. Her career has spanned from India, Mexico, Brothels, Celebrities, High School proms, Homelessness, Mental Hospitals, Circus performers, Broadway from the 1970s. She most recently has partnered w/ a Pharmaceutical company, Novartis, making short documentaries with her partner on pediatric care for children with cancer, autism, blindness and developmental syndromes. She shared some of the shorts with us tonight and I came very close to tears. Here are some notes I took and wanted to share. I think for any beginner or more advanced photographer/artist, this advice is great to know.:
Black & White vs. Color:
She loves and appreciates color and respects those photographers who know how to use it. She has used color in her work, but she has a love for Black & White. She said, "I can tell if my students are shooting in B&W or if they are shooting in color and making it B&W." I thought this was a really interesting approach to color and execution.
She shoots in analog
She detests instagram and cell phone pictures - she sees them as social media marketing tools, not photos or art. I personally disagree with this outlook, but coming from her it makes sense. She is a photographer from back in the day when magazines showed non-glossified, non-photoshopped pieces about world issues. I can't say many magazines do that anymore. In fact, there aren't that many print outlets anymore for photos, mostly online - so i think she is right and wrong.
She went on to say she hasn't heard from a magazine asking for her to do a shoot in a year and she doesn't quite mind because magazine photos nowadays are "glossy, decorations" not raw pieces of point of view.
It takes many years to develop ones point of view
When she has students do a project she doesn't take them somewhere and have them shoot all the same thing at the same time, but she rather tells them to go out on their own and do it, so they can develop a strong point of view without other influences
Paraphrasing: "Photography is like writing, it's not accidental, not simple. It's not like you shoot and it's art. [She] asks her students why they shot something the way they did. She wants to make a point to figure out the thought process behind a shot, a picture.
She said it is easier shooting someone she doesn't know, because her viewpoint is less influenced by the outside factors of that person and her's history. Whereas, if there is no history, her viewpoint is fresh, more free. She didn't say she preferred it one way or the other, she was saying how your relationship to the person you are shooting effects the way you shoot them.
She talked about not settling and fighting for what you believe in. Follow your heart.
All and all it was yet again another inspiring lecture to attend. It made me feel those artistic bones rattle inside of me, wanting me to do more and try harder. Always, always, always I must.
Me and the white whale just talked on the phone for 30 minutes. I could barely breathe on the phone because he sounds so sexy......and i already know i laughed too much, failing to maintain any mystery. He gives me butterflies and it's so embarrassing. And i don't even think he thinks what I think. He probably just thinks i think of him as a friend.
He wants to become running buddies and drink beers. He wants to be friends? I don't know. I don't really care.
But when i got off the phone - this is what i did [WATCH AT 4:25 OF THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO].
And that's how i know if i have a crush on a sexy ass man.
12 “Pick
me up and throw me into the sea,” he replied, “and it will become calm.
I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.” 13 Instead, the men did their best to row back to land. But they could not, for the sea grew even wilder than before.14 Then they cried out to the Lord, “Please, Lord, do not let us die for taking this man’s life. Do not hold us accountable for killing an innocent man, for you, Lord, have done as you pleased.”15 Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm.16 At this the men greatly feared the Lord, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows to him. 17 Now the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.
The city should be covered in a blaring red paint EVERYWHERE cuz this weekend no corner of this fair city was spared from my debauchery.
Friday night:
Nat Geo Photo party launch. I wore my go-to hawt outfit. i saw photogs. it was rather grand. i then when to a halloween party w/ my neighborhood gypsy jazz playing friend.
Sat:
Farmer's market blew my wallet, but it was a wonderful way to spend the morning.
At 11:00pm i got my ass off the couch and went to a party w/ flip cup, but quickly got out of that situation and went to a 60s soul/motown dance party at a Mexican resto in my hood. The enchiladas were to die for.
I then went to a corner bar at 2am wearing a panda headpiece concealing my identity until i wanted more beer.
Sun:
I woke up determined to go to mass. I haven't been in 5 months and it's the Catholic spiritualism part of me that keeps calling me back. I decided to attend mass at one of the oldest (if not the first, it may be) African-American founded Catholic churches in America. The parish was soooooo welcoming. Everyone was so nice. and get this: People actually sang AND clapped their hands in praise.
At most Catholic masses I've been to, getting people to participate musically is like pulling teeth. No one seems joyful to be there, but more like a chore.
***SIDE RANT: No one makes you go to church, so I've never understood this idea of going to church if you don't want to be there or if you do not like the church you are going to. I feel like there are so many ways to worship in whatever you believe in - yes i'm including atheism - so you shouldn't waste your time doing things you don't want to do regarding spiritually, religion.***
I SO ENJOYED going to this parish!!! Everyone was happy, joyful, singing and clapping their hands. All the music was in Gospel Chorus style so it sounded amazing!!! Also, I really liked the sermon. I definitely want to return for mass there in the future. I believe that is how mass should be.
I then had a white whale encounter. Which will be detailed in the next blog post.
And then I went to James Blake and it was amazing!!!! Talk about music. Music is definitely a HUGE part of my personal religion. There is some sort of high-power/other worldly quality when you listen to really good music and see really good art.
I will be causing a ruckus in our fair city this weekend and it pleases me to no end.
Upon getting ready tonight i will be listening to this song full
blast. No, i do not agree with the blatant misogyny the song is founded
on, but i love that GD tune!!!
tonight I am attending a city photography organization's annual photo week launch party complete with music, OPEN bar, and art ART AND MORE ART. i got the ticket for free, valued at $60.00 :)
Music, booze, and art. My personal paradise.
The only BAD thing that could happen would be if the WHITE WHALE showed up. It is his crowd's sort of thing. But I'm sure he's too jaded by such imbibing and fuss over art he's already seen. We'll see. I can't say i wouldn't be GIDDY AS A SCHOOLGIRL if he was there to see me in my tight little black dress.
I was also invited by my gypsy jazz guitar playing neighbor to a belated-themed-Halloween bash. Of course I could not refuse the offer. boys & booze at that one.
Saturday welcomes a DJ that only plays soul 45s at a local bar/resto in my hood. I don't even have to travel to get my groove on. VERY excited to dance to Hipster's avenue. I actually had a DREAM last night i was dancing to this very song and everyone was looking at me with shame and embarrassment and i couldn't figure out why. Was this a prophetic apparition? Only time will tell.
Sunday morning i am going to a exercise class and then brunch. W/ Levo League gals! I've discovered my new haremmmmmm.
Sunday night i am going to see JAMES BLAKE!!!!!!
He actually does have the voice of an angel. and the vices too.
