I finally stopped having a crush on the RPJ about a month ago. i realized he had no interest in me, i was too young for him, and i needed to stop wasting my thoughts on him.
Yet - i couldn't really stop thinking about him because that man is so GD hawt. So I never really did. I still would imagine us on the island of cyprus, in bora bora, or bali, drinking beers, and having amazing sex.
Of course i realize this would never happen but that is half the fun in day-dreaming, isn't it? if it could or would happen it wouldn't be so fun to think about. Anywho - i never really stopped fantasizing about the RPJ.
And today i think the Universe decided to fuck with me.
Today i left my house in the later part of the afternoon. I was in a great mood. I got dressed in my cute hemp crocheted hippie "Almost Famous"-like shirt and put some makeup on my face. nothing fancy but let's just say i was fucking RADIATING today for some apparent reason. You know, the days when you get dressed up and you just feel great about how you look and confident? it was one of those awesome days.
I went outside, walking around my neighborhood and was looking at everything, soaking it all in. As i walked down the sidewalk i saw NONE OTHER THAN THE RPJ walking towards me on this lovely Sunday afternoon with his lady friend of the moment.
I could see the "oh fuck" expression in his face. if you've read my posts before you know this man was/is like my WHITE WHALE. my moby FUCKing dick. The one guy i really want but will most likely never have - but i'm willing to act a fool and do anything to possibly get him. I AM CAPTAIN AHAB in this situation, basically.
So i saw the "oh fuck" expression - or maybe just a "awkward" expression. BUT instead of being awkward back, or adding to the "most painfully awkward interactions i've ever had with a man" top ten list that is included with every single time i've ever seen the RPJ, i decided to play it cool. i gave my most disarming, sweet smile, said "Hey, RPJ*" and on top of everything I LOOKED REALLY FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TODAY.
(*sidenote: his name - which i can't write in this blog post just in case he ever would somehow see this post, even though he will most likely never will - is the most delicious name to come out of your mouth. You feel flirty and free saying it and you wish you could whisper it in his ear so badly, but like i said, he is my Moby Dick. When you have a crush on someone, their name is so beautiful to hear and you just wanna write it into a song and sing it in the shower, hear it bouncing off the walls, enveloping your ears and echoing back to you. This may sound like crazy-talk, but hard-core crushes include intense adoration like the sounds of names or the weird observance of the way they walk or wondering how they look stark naked.)
He responded with a warm smile, hello, and how are you as well. He was with a woman who i suspect is older than me. He must be into women his age. But i swear if he just gave me an afternoon i'd change his mind.
The reason i'm even bothering to write about this interaction is because I'm so happy I was able to have at least ONE NON-PAINFULLY AWKWARD interaction with the crush that rejected me. It's hard to see someone who you asked out on a date and rejected you. It's not something you want to do every Sunday. But I'm glad i took the opportunity to make amends and just "be cool." At least now i can hope he doesn't realize how big of a crush i had on him and how embarrassed i was when i was around him before.
I like to think someday this will not all be so hard.
Yet - i couldn't really stop thinking about him because that man is so GD hawt. So I never really did. I still would imagine us on the island of cyprus, in bora bora, or bali, drinking beers, and having amazing sex.
Of course i realize this would never happen but that is half the fun in day-dreaming, isn't it? if it could or would happen it wouldn't be so fun to think about. Anywho - i never really stopped fantasizing about the RPJ.
And today i think the Universe decided to fuck with me.
Today i left my house in the later part of the afternoon. I was in a great mood. I got dressed in my cute hemp crocheted hippie "Almost Famous"-like shirt and put some makeup on my face. nothing fancy but let's just say i was fucking RADIATING today for some apparent reason. You know, the days when you get dressed up and you just feel great about how you look and confident? it was one of those awesome days.
I went outside, walking around my neighborhood and was looking at everything, soaking it all in. As i walked down the sidewalk i saw NONE OTHER THAN THE RPJ walking towards me on this lovely Sunday afternoon with his lady friend of the moment.
I could see the "oh fuck" expression in his face. if you've read my posts before you know this man was/is like my WHITE WHALE. my moby FUCKing dick. The one guy i really want but will most likely never have - but i'm willing to act a fool and do anything to possibly get him. I AM CAPTAIN AHAB in this situation, basically.
So i saw the "oh fuck" expression - or maybe just a "awkward" expression. BUT instead of being awkward back, or adding to the "most painfully awkward interactions i've ever had with a man" top ten list that is included with every single time i've ever seen the RPJ, i decided to play it cool. i gave my most disarming, sweet smile, said "Hey, RPJ*" and on top of everything I LOOKED REALLY FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TODAY.
(*sidenote: his name - which i can't write in this blog post just in case he ever would somehow see this post, even though he will most likely never will - is the most delicious name to come out of your mouth. You feel flirty and free saying it and you wish you could whisper it in his ear so badly, but like i said, he is my Moby Dick. When you have a crush on someone, their name is so beautiful to hear and you just wanna write it into a song and sing it in the shower, hear it bouncing off the walls, enveloping your ears and echoing back to you. This may sound like crazy-talk, but hard-core crushes include intense adoration like the sounds of names or the weird observance of the way they walk or wondering how they look stark naked.)
He responded with a warm smile, hello, and how are you as well. He was with a woman who i suspect is older than me. He must be into women his age. But i swear if he just gave me an afternoon i'd change his mind.
The reason i'm even bothering to write about this interaction is because I'm so happy I was able to have at least ONE NON-PAINFULLY AWKWARD interaction with the crush that rejected me. It's hard to see someone who you asked out on a date and rejected you. It's not something you want to do every Sunday. But I'm glad i took the opportunity to make amends and just "be cool." At least now i can hope he doesn't realize how big of a crush i had on him and how embarrassed i was when i was around him before.
I like to think someday this will not all be so hard.
I love this.
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