Showing posts with label emo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emo. Show all posts

Monday, March 16, 2015

Unplugged

Hmmm. What is the latest:
~~~~

He tells me the phone will be off for the next ten days. A week later i decide to send him an email. He's yet to send me one. I send him a link to a funny compilation of vine videos.

"You've been hacked!"

"haha no, it's a funny vine video link, silly."

"Sorry. Eats up my phone data. write me something interesting."

"ok no more funny vine videos for you."

"That's too easy, put more work into sending me a note."


What an asshole. No. I'm not writing you back, asshole.



It's the person, but they really make you want to eliminate the entire concept of Love in order to protect your heart and be well!



~~~

I sent in a short story to a bunch of places. Some that are NEVER even gonna read it. but what the hell. It felt great to put the story out there. It's a funny, comic-tragedy about a girl who does karaoke and gets Chlamydia (NO. it's NOT biographical. it's fiction!!!)

I got my first rejection email on it last night:

"I appreciate the look, but I'm going to pass on this one."
burnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. lolololol.

I think being a writer is like being an actor. Only with words. You have to put your work out there and get constantly rejected until someone thinks you're "write for the part."


 25 Quotes That Will Inspire You To Be A Fearless Writer




~~~

I went on a date with a man named Jose. We have good conversation together. He has traveled to so many places and travels for work. i love hearing all his travel stories. We decided we will go salsa dancing together next time we see each other. :)

 So much passion here .. love it!! Beauty!!-(Live a luscious life with LUSCIOUS: www.myLusciousLife.com)

~~~

I went to a potluck my friend hosted. It was fun, but I may have drank a bit too much. And i think i offended at least one person. This one writer girl was very aloof and I took it as pretension. I voiced this after she left. No one agreed and I LOOKED like a mean girl. You live you learn.  :/

These two hipsters shared with me their visit to a secret restaurant in our neighborhood. You know, the apartments where a little Mexican woman cooks in her home and it's illegal and really good? That's what this is. And it turns out it's only a few blocks away from where i live! I MUST check it out.

 Hipster Bichon. How adorable!   #animals #pet #hipster. Unconditional love: http://www.pinterest.com/newdirectionsbh/unconditional-love/



~~~

I think I am dropping MMJC very soon. He is the ultimate bachelor and does not have as high as a sex drive as me. He will send me puns in text messages and NOT ask me to hang out??? So i guess all i am to him is a pun receiver now. GREATTTT. 

the latest was:








People are so weird. Especially men.


~~~

Last night I had a great conversation with my Mom. A lot of bad shit has been happening to her friends of late. She basically was just talking about how she has a new perspective and is no longer sweating the small stuff. She is seeing things on a much wider scale and not worrying about dumb shit. She is trying to have joy in her every day life, not just going through the motions, remembering to be present in the moment and appreciate life.

I could do that more often as well.

I'm going to Key West at the end of the month. I have this fantasy of going off the grid and deactivating my FB and turning off my phone for the ENTIRE time. I think I'm going to do that.

All I know for sure right now is that I should write more and continue to try live in the moment. When you only have those two goals, life becomes less stressful. I've been doing it for a week. :)

Taking more and more offline days now as a professional online writer. This is how I feel about it some days:






Thursday, February 5, 2015

Fuck yes

I went out with a friend last night. I had some beers. I showed her pictures of the two drastically older men I'm interested in. One of whom is my ex.

She looked at me and said
"OMG. No. You are way too nice and too funny and too beautiful to date these losers!!! You deserve someone who's going to take you on dates and want to date you."

I got a text from RPJ when i got home.

I called him twice he didn't pick up.

I said I'd rather talk on the phone.

So then I proceed to drop TRUTH BOMBS on his phone.



I don't know if what I did was right.

Basically I told him
Shit or get off the pot. Just in many more words.

I spoke my truth, so I'm not going to feel bad about it. I just hate it when a girl speaks her mind and a man labels her as "psycho or crazy" - when in actuality I'm just looking to cleanse my life of the BULLSHIT which he sprays onto it.

It's so complicated and painful and I don't have time for this shit!!!!

Did I do the "right" thing? Am I missing out on the greatest love of my life? I don't think so, since I would hope the greatest love of my life WOULD ACTUALLY TREAT ME WITH MUTUAL RESPECT AND LOVE.  i feel the love from him. Just no respect. 

Monday, January 5, 2015

It's Up from Here.

I really fucked up during my first week of 2015. I guess I can only go up from here.

I hooked up with someone on NYE. He started paying attention to me the minute i walked in the door. And then the ball dropped and then we were kissing. I think I screwed it up before it even started. And that sucks. Since I've not gotten any wanted attention in awhile. And speaking of unwanted attention...

My ex, the toxic one, you know, sent me a "happy new years" text. I answered. He followed up with a we have to catch up!!!

So we did. I went over to his place for tea. We had tea and sat at the kitchen table and beat more dead horses, hashed out everything from the past. I said it wasn't meant to be. He said, not that's not it. It's b/c of _____. He also said if you would've ____.

But we cannot live our lives this way. The What Ifs. I feel deep in my core that there is no reason for us to EVER get back together. But the levy of that thought starts to leak when my ex says things like that. As if he wants it to happen again. 

At first, I felt really good after our meeting. It was healing, a truce. But now I've been doubting it and I know it can't happen too often. There is a small part of me that will always be in love with this fantasy of him. What if it was real? But it's not. So I cannot see us ever being close friends, because then we will venture into toxic territory. A territory I've been in and want no part of anymore. Even thinking about it gives me a visceral reaction, I feel sick to my stomach.

I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to resist that small chance if presented. Yet, I think it's enough of a sign that I have an overwhelming feeling of dread thinking of us dating. Tea time will no longer be a regularity. I do not want to be anyone's option, I want to be someones priority.

I've done so much internal work on myself this year, for the better. I'm so scared of going backwards, but I don't think you can truly go backwards. I get scared all my hard work will be lost.

I told my ex I was seeing someone even though I'm not. I told him I was seeing a South African Journalist who is my age and is really interesting. Maybe if I say it, it will come true.

I think I've been out of sorts and wild and spinning. I don't feel great, but I will soon. I just need to catch my breath and remember all the lessons I've learned. Remember how going backwards is not where I want to go.

2015 can only get better.

 Portrait







Wednesday, May 21, 2014

deep sea, baby

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWxuY4SYtaA


 At home in the ocean.#seasideLa vie d'Adèle, Adele swimming

"I Follow Rivers"


Oh I beg you, can I follow
Oh I ask you why not always
Be the ocean where unravel
Be my only, be the water and I'm wading
You're my river running high, run deep run wild

I I follow, I follow you deep sea baby
I follow you
I I follow, I follow you, dark boom honey
I follow you

He a message, I'm the runner
He's the rebel, I'm the daughter waiting for you
You're my river running high, run deep run wild


I I follow, I follow you deep sea baby
I follow you
I I follow, I follow you, dark boom honey
I follow you

You're my river running high, run deep run wild
I, I follow, I follow you deep sea baby,
I follow you
I, I follow, I follow you, dark boom honey,
I follow you
I, I follow, I follow you deeps sea baby,
I follow you
I, I follow, I follow you, dark boom honey,
I follow you

I, I follow, I follow you deeps sea baby,
I follow you
I, I follow, I follow you, dark boom honey,
I follow you

Sunday, May 11, 2014

well ain't that the damn truth.

Neruda: "Love is so short, forgetting is so long."