It's a blur

I applied to a Barista/Gelato part time job. What if I take my buddy's offer to be a bartender in the busy part of the city? That'd be hard, but i wonder if I'd make more money.

I feel myself transitioning into a new me. I feel tougher and a bit more fucked up. Tired. A 40 something waitress in New York City. A boxer who has come out of a ring. I feel like Steve McQueen. I am both proud and scared shitless, I am in love and lonely.





I sprained my ankle very badly last night. If you asked me i would tell you it was from running. But I will tell you the truth. It was from coming down from the roof deck with MMJC and our 5th beers. I set my foot down and the step dropped much farther than I had anticipated. But of course in the state i was in i laughed, no pain. But today holy shit it hurts.

I got a text from MMJC last night. I met him at my corner bar. He has known the owner for years. The owner sat with us and told us stories. The type of stories only a bar owner can tell you.

The bartender I went on a date with was working upstairs. I must confess part of the reason I went to see MMJC was to see what little drama would unfold. One of my flaws.

Bartender came down and I waved. He told me to come visit him upstairs but I wanted to talk to MMJC and Bar owner/Bartender's boss.

He came down later and I introduced MMJC to Bartender. We ALL sat together. At one point I was rubbing both their knees under the bar and neither of them noticed. I felt powerful. That's why I do the things I do.

I left the bar. Said bye to Bartender and MMJC leaving them together at the bar. As if I was leaving two ex-husbands at my house alone. 

I took a cab to MMJC place and we had a good night. I slept over and tried to wake up and went to work questioning everything that had seemed so solid and clear last night.

I don't want a boyfriend. I want to date three men all at the same time. It's sexy and thrilling and dramatic. At times it's quite messy and lonely and wrong. But the rush is incomparable. I feel like I'm living the way I want to. And I care less and less about the status quo. I think as long as I'm happy, that's all that matters.

I am going to try to stop seeing RPJ though. He holds my heart in his teeth - like a grenade ready to explode. There is no stable ground with him. MMJC is at least honest. We both know what is taking place.

I can predict i will break the Bartender's heart. But I don't want to.

But, are we ever truly happy? Even if i was happy I think I'd have something to complain about. Things can always be better, can't they? Or can we not just enjoy each simple pleasure? That's all we may get.

As you get older, things are so much more complicated. Blurry and no longer easy to categorize. I don't know a thing and as soon as I accepted that everything got easier.

Simple woman

I am a simple woman.
All i need is an afternoon of oysters, beers, and sex.

MMJC was my hedonistic partner in this on Saturday. ;)

I rounded the evening out with a girls nite and pizza.
A spectacular day.

Fuck yes

I went out with a friend last night. I had some beers. I showed her pictures of the two drastically older men I'm interested in. One of whom is my ex.

She looked at me and said
"OMG. No. You are way too nice and too funny and too beautiful to date these losers!!! You deserve someone who's going to take you on dates and want to date you."

I got a text from RPJ when i got home.

I called him twice he didn't pick up.

I said I'd rather talk on the phone.

So then I proceed to drop TRUTH BOMBS on his phone.

I don't know if what I did was right.

Basically I told him
Shit or get off the pot. Just in many more words.

I spoke my truth, so I'm not going to feel bad about it. I just hate it when a girl speaks her mind and a man labels her as "psycho or crazy" - when in actuality I'm just looking to cleanse my life of the BULLSHIT which he sprays onto it.

It's so complicated and painful and I don't have time for this shit!!!!

Did I do the "right" thing? Am I missing out on the greatest love of my life? I don't think so, since I would hope the greatest love of my life WOULD ACTUALLY TREAT ME WITH MUTUAL RESPECT AND LOVE.  i feel the love from him. Just no respect. 

Can't we be friends?

I went to trivia for a organization I volunteer for. After the game was over i beckoned a hot man w/ a beard over to my table. The third beer had given me this confidence. I chatted him up and then said,

"You're cute, are you single?"
He replied with a laugh, "Um ... my fiance is standing at the table behind me." (and she wasn't attractive, OF COURSE.)

I replied, "Oh shit now, i'm going to be fodder for the car ride home. This is a fail."

He then told me to become a Hasher. There, i would find men. Hmmm. 

As i run last night i couldn't help but laugh at this conversation, followed by my embarrassment. 

After that rejection, I bounced back with a second wind and dragged my trivia mate to karaoke. He tried to drunkenly kiss me after sharing his rendition of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire." I do not see him in that way and he has a girlfriend. I had hoped we could be friends, but I guess not. Sometimes I think men are dogs in the truest sense.

It sucks cuz I really like hanging out w/ him. But, I've been in this space before and I am wise now. You can't will someone to be your friend. So I must drop him. Well, at least only hang out w/ him in group settings. Not drunk.

The Hot Spanish Man aka, the Unicorn (he is hot, employed and single, making him a Unicorn among men in this city) has not asked me out, although he assured me on the 13th he'd get back to me when he got back into town .... which was a week ago. BLAH. I think he wants a Spanish woman.

I debated on texting or calling him, but fuck it. I waver between taking initiative and not. I think in this new age of dating i need to take more initiative b/c men are:

1. lamer than they were before
2. scared of a strong woman
3. scared of rejection
4. in DC they have their choices, more women than men here; most of which are intelligent and accomplished. Hot, no so much, but to each his own. 

The reasons i do not want to take initiative are:

1. I want a man who is not afraid of asking for what he wants
2. I want a man with a backbone, confidence
3. I want to know, without a doubt, that he is interested in me. When i ask men out, I'm never quite sure of that. But when they ask me out, I'm aware that at least their first impression of me is something they want to know more deeply.
4. I am worth a fucking phone call or text for a date!!!

 So I'll waver and figure it out on a case by case basis. But I def think I will keep asking men i think are cute if they are single after flirting for awhile. As my roommate said, "If you keep on asking one of them will be."

Spring Fever

This weekend was unexpectedly wonderful.
Walking home from the metro my neighbor invited me over for dinner of chicken covered in herbs, garlic, and butter, laying on a bed of crispy kale and a bottle of white wine. We sat on the patio and talked to the neighbors. The weather was perfect. Then my friend came over and we finished off the bottle of wine, went to our favorite local bar and then all three of us went to a Gypsy Jazz show at another bar nearby. Someone at the table ordered a lamb shank and then i had to order a Cabernet to wash it down with.

Food. Music. Good company. It is the holy trinity.

Saturday I wrote all day and then got an email that my Bee article was going to be published on an online magazine. I was really happy to get that news. It is a little accomplishment, but it is the encouragement i was looking for to keep writing and sending my stuff in. Then i went to Opera in the Outfield, watching The Magic Flute on the Nats stadium screen.

Sunday I went to an Andrew Wyeth lecture which blew my mind. His technique and subjects were so interesting. His approach to art was to strip away everything to find the true images, not to add things to make it look "better." The lecture focused on his fascination with painting windows. He painted 300 pictures of windows.

After the lecture I had an inspiring phone call with an old friend, as I sat on the stairs of the steps of the National Portrait Gallery.

I went over to my friends backyard, drank beer and lay in the sun in my sundress, then went to a local bar. They were having an annual celebration where all the men wear sundresses. It was amusing, to say the least.

I got a musician's number. He was wearing a yellow and black striped dress.

Everyone is out in my neighborhood. The streets are one again brimming with Millennials and the occasional stroller pusher. I love my neighborhood in the spring and summer. That when I moved to DC and i think it is the best time to be here. There are endless things to do, see, and people to meet.

party prose.

my favorite sort of night is when you have a glass of wine while putting your makeup on. but not too much wine, because you don't want to put on too much makeup.

you go out to your favorite bar. with your friends. and then other people show up that you don't know and you exchange names. everyone is friendly and talks and gets along.

everyone likes hearing what you choose to play on the jukebox. everyone likes motown so you play motown. everyone likes Sam Cooke.

you continue on with beer because that's what you started with, or you move on to whiskey. and moving onto whiskey is usually always a bad idea, but you chose to do so anyway. you are little older now, so you know to sip it and it won't be as bad as you know it could be.

everyone gets sick of the first bar and you go to another bar. the second bar is never as good as the first one, but you needed to leave the first bar. right now you couldn't say why you did if anyone asked you.

someone is restless like you and invited everyone back to there place. it is not yet 12am but everyone still wants to go back to someone's place. some of you go and some of you take cabs home together to make love, and some of you go home alone to watch a movie, eat drunkenly and bitch.

you go back to the house, because you are restless and still want to meet all these people and talk about their lives and talk about how they see the world. this all sounds better while holding a glass of wine. you sip that too though, because you want to enjoy every sip, every word that is coming out of this new person's lips.

the lights are lower in the room you all sit in. slowly, everyone goes off to bed, except for you and an attractive man. you stay up and talk. you exchange stories, know where he is from, what he did in high school with his friends - however nerdy, although you don't find it nerdy you find it endearing - who he is or who he is not in love with, his favorite drink, what he likes about women, what he hates about women.

he is fascinated by you and everything you say and you can tell he wants to kiss you. but you both don't do that because all this connection is too comfortable to mess up this late at night. so you fall asleep on the couch and the next morning you walk home and you see him in a month and you feel like he forgot about all of it, but you look at him like you didn't. 

jonah & the whale

 <sup>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ns-mdnfdQ5g


12</sup> “Pick me up and throw me into the sea,” he replied, “and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.”
¹³ Instead, the men did their best to row back to land. But they could not, for the sea grew even wilder than before. ¹⁴ Then they cried out to the Lord, “Please, Lord, do not let us die for taking this man’s life. Do not hold us accountable for killing an innocent man, for you, Lord, have done as you pleased.” ¹⁵ Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm. ¹⁶ At this the men greatly feared the Lord, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows to him.
¹⁷ Now the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i went to his lecture, we got beers, i got an email soliciting my appearance in his life be made again. 

Friday night, the 27th

Friday night i went out with the HCMW (hawt canadian man whore) lawyer.  We went to Union Market for some tasty sea morsels of raw oysters. I ordered the Cava, he got a beer i forget the name of now. Oh and we also hacked away at a glorious crabcake, crispy on all sides, laying on a beg of pretentious (in the best sense) slaw.

The HCMW went to Berlin last week and told me of his travels. He spoke of beer and beer and sausages and bread. and lots of art. and people with crazy hair styles who will be cooler than you no matter how hard you try. He also said the bars were all hole in the wall, divey places with dark dark lights and a band that would consist of violinist and bass - or pick any two other instruments.

After that we then went to a bunch of other fine H Street establishments. They have great bars on that street. They are the kind that you can hide away in and will not see anyone you know. They are a bit smoky, loud and secret.

At the Old Queen Vic we had the most beers. Mostly of the Scottish fare. Then the HCMW continued to romance me and i was done for. We've been dating since August, so the jig is up.

After our fun night we went to the Crafty Bastards Craft fair.  I bought a beautiful print from an Asheville, NC's Marisol Spoon, http://marisolspoon.com/category.php?category_id=2 I got the "Librarian" one. So fitting. She is so cute. I can't wait to stick her in a frame.

The HCMW wears a St. Christopher necklace under his clothes, over his collarbone. He brought me back 3 huge bars of dark chocolate (70%+). He told me he wants to fatten me up so he won't have other men competing for my affections and he can have me all to himself. Ha! I thought that was very saucy to say.

This weekend

Friday i got a frozen pizza, a bottle of wine, watched Hart of Dixie and went to bed at 10:30.

it was epic.

Saturday i went to the farmers market, hung out with my awesome friend, Eric, i went to a friends housewarming party, met tons of cool new people, rode my bike, went to karaoke, sang "Rehab" and "I want you to want me", got kissed on the cheek by an adorable undergrad Georgetown student, came home and ate the rest of the pizza from the night before.

Today i ran in Rock Creek Park, rode my bike, went to brunch with HCMW then got for yo, then kissed, then went to Pho with Hawt ginge, then had two saison beers as well.

SOLID WEEKEND. 

Labor Day weekend in DC

One of my BEST friends Jessica came to visit me in DC for the long weekend. We did SO much in the short time she was here!! Holy Moly.

A quick run down:
Friday: I brought Jes to Ping Pong Dim Sum. My favorite Dim Dum place in D.C. thus far. I'm sure there is a more authentic, cheaper place, but this place never fails to delight my senses. With the flavors, textures and beautiful presentation it's always a delectable time.

After Dim Sum we walked around, looking at the monuments at night.

Then, we headed over to my corner bar.  The bar manager who has seen me there before bought me and Jes TWO rounds then asked me on a date. He seems to be a playa, and when i quipped this to him he said, "i truly do find you absolutely stunning." - oh my. ALSO - mind you this is the same bar i have gotten two dates at previously after going there in yoga clothes, no makeup. I'm CONVINCED this bar like releases pheromones in my body or something. CRAY-CRAY.

Saturday: We woke up, got breakfast at a cute french bakery next to Eastern Market, then went to Eastern Market.  I bought a pack of organic lavender products a lady made and was selling and Jes got a stellar jade ring that matched her sea-foam green nail polish. Then we went to the American History museum - saw Julia Child's kitchen, the ORIGINAL star spangled banner (like the one the song was written about, AKA the one Francis Scott Key saw as he watched the battle), and Dorothy's red slippers.We then went to the Natural History Museum and after traipsing around we saw the Hope diamond and an IMAX film in which they played this song:

The film was "Ultimate Wave" with Kelly Slater surfing the ultimate wave in Tahiti.
Later that night we went to Alexandria for Eamonn's Chippery and PX Lounge Cocktail drinks. PX Lounge feels like an old Speakeasy. Kinda like being in "Midnight in Paris."

 Sunday: We had brunch, walked ALL over Georgetown, went to Madam's Organ, danced to an amazing Blues band (Stacey Brooks) and sang some Karaoke.

Monday: We went to the National Portrait gallery and then went to Teaism for really good zen food.

IT WAS A HELLUVAH WEEKEND. Love you, Jes!

Yoga for Dates

Last Tuesday I went to yoga, then I went to one of my favorite hood bars. Then i got asked out on a date.

Last Thursday I went to yoga, then I went to one of my favorite hood bars. Then i got asked out on a date.

I had no makeup on either time and may have been sweaty smelling. 

I guess yoga gives me a crazy-blissed out face which the opposite sex likes. Also, my theory i am probably happier, not stressed, and more open to my outside surroundings after my practice. 

It's all about yoga and beer i guess. 

Joie de vivre!

On Tuesday night I walked to a bar (my favorite so far) to meet a Canadian Man Whore (CMW). This was playing in my ears, I passed the colorful row houses drenched with hydrangeas on their doorsteps, and the bars and shops were buzzing.  Against my skin i felt just-the-right-amount-of-warm summer night air breeze by. And all was right in the world!

In Wonderland...

On Saturday I drank blueberry pancake beer and melt-in-yo-mouth eggplant fries with my friend, M. He is a DC punk advocacy man and I enjoy his company and sass very much. Also he puts up w/ my outlandish statements. And then questions and debates them w/ me. which is good.

While at Wonderland Ballroom we were talking about a recent study in which it showed how European countries related/what they thought about each other. See here: http://www.economist.com/blogs/graphicdetail/2013/05/what-europeans-think-each-other

I hadn't seen it yet and wondered aloud how the EU viewed Germany. When i was in Italy I remembered the Spanish, Italian, and Greek always complaining about Germans. Yet, Germany is the country that recently "bailed out" their other EU members.

The man at the end of our table sitting alone piped up, "Excuse me, I am German!"
I was a bit taken aback, but instead of worrying I asked him if what my impressions were at all true. He said, "Yes," and tilted his head back a bit and laughed. He said everyone hates the Germans because they are organized. "The key to a great nation is organization."

Such a German response, I loved it!

We then spoke about Germany and Switzerland and he showed us pictures on his phone of where he grew up. Before he finished his drink and left he said, "what is it that you say?" as he motioned a "cheers" with his beer.
"Oh, Cheers!"
"Yes," he said.  "We say 'Prost' ".

So of course I responded to the next cheers in the proper German manner.
Prost!!!

It's fun meeting people in DC cuz you never know where they are from. And they can USUALLY carry an intelligent conversation at length.