And your very flesh shall be a great poem

Snow Day.

I had a Snow day this week.  I woke up late, had some breakfast.  I considered going ice skating but the one I wanted to go to was closed.

So instead I called up the White Whale and we had tea for two. It was lovely. I like him more every time I see him.

IHOP

I went to a show of one my favorite bands. They are from the area where I grew up. They sneak in geographical name places that only someone from there would know ... that is why i like them. their lyrics are all about nostalgia, memories, smells and images they hold close to their past. it's like they are trying to document memories that no one else knows about, but by putting them in a song, they take on a new life and recycle themselves into a song that is now in everyone else's brain - set to live on forever, or until someone doesn't hear that song anymore. clever.

At the show i met two people who were there for the music as well. At first when i sat at the bar top i felt rather lonely. But then i started talking to a fellow lone bar top sitter and everything was ok.

The show was AMAZING. the band came off the stage for the last bit of the show and did it acoustic. and of course i was in front! lyrics and harmony get me every time.

After the show we were all a tad drunk. And hungry. So we went to IHOP. We all ordered the pancake combo. I got strawberry pancakes and sausage links and scrambled eggs. We proclaimed we were the Breakfast Club.

I woke up the next day and we got a Snow day.

That was been the best Monday ever.

The Changed Man

The Changed Man" by Robert Phillips, from Spinach Days. © The Johns Hopkins University Press. 

The Changed Man 

If you were to hear me imitating Pavarotti
in the shower every morning, you'd know
how much you have changed my life.

If you were to see me stride across the park,
waving to strangers, then you would know
I am a changed man—like Scrooge

awakened from his bad dreams feeling feather-
light, angel-happy, laughing the father
of a long line of bright laughs—

"It is still not too late to change my life!"
It is changed. Me, who felt short-changed.
Because of you I no longer hate my body.

Because of you I buy new clothes.
Because of you I'm a warrior of joy.
Because of you and me. Drop by

this Saturday morning and discover me
fiercely pulling weeds gladly, dedicated
as a born-again gardener.

Drop by on Sunday—I'll Turtlewax
your sky-blue sports car, no sweat. I'll greet 
enemies with a handshake, forgive debtors

with a papal largesse. It's all because 
of you. Because of you and me,
I've become one changed man.

ahab goes to an art gallery.

I'm going out tonight w/ the white whale to an art gallery....of course. last night we spoke on the phone for 2 hours. This seems to be becoming a regular occurrence. Once we start talking we just have so much to share and we want to get it all out, like we don't have enough time or something.

he told me a lot about himself. he was an open book and shared some pretty major details about him and his life thus far. i deeply appreciated this. but I'm not so ready to tell those things about myself. it's too soon and i gotta trust before any of that happens. and that takes me awhile. i can pretend trust, ignore it's absence - that's easy. but actually trusting with a whole heart is difficult for me.

to love someone too much is a great risk; but miracles still happen and sometimes things come true.
It reminds me of the scene in "Moonstruck" when the mother says to the daughter:

[Loretta announces she's going to marry Johnny Camareri]
Cosmo Castorini: I don't like him.
Rose: You're not going to marry him, Cosmo. Do you love him, Loretta?
Loretta Castorini: No.
Rose: Good.
[She looks at Cosmo]
Rose: When you love them they drive you crazy because they know they can.

 Then later in the movie when Rose decides to marry the man she is REALLY in love with:
Rose: Do you love him, Loretta?
Loretta Castorini: Aw, ma, I love him awful.
Rose: Oh, God, that's too bad.

The White Whale has lived longer than i have. He has more experiences. Yet, we click. We never run out of things to say and i find him devastatingly handsome, like so handsome it has a sweet pain attached to it. sort of like "la dolore exquisite" only i think there is a big chance i will be with him. He's irresistible.

He tripped me up a couple times on the phone with questions and he got quite a kick out of making me go silent. Not many people do that to me.
"So how is it that you don't you have a boyfriend?"
...

I cherish the fact that he wants to go at a glacial speed. I've had to many failures based on lightening speed lustful attractions. It's time to try something new. I want an exclusive partner who wants to get to know me, the true, real me; not just the physical. I'm over that and want the full experience of truly loving someone else.

The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

I read an article about genetic memory: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-25156510

It got me thinking about other things, like past lives.

I spoke to a close friend of mine a few weeks ago. We determined if we did in fact have past lives, we knew exactly who we were in those lives. I was an Italian Prima Donna opera singer at some point. I'm positive. Why, you may ask?

 

• i am in love with love
• i love to sing, and am quite a good singer actually
• i love theatrical drama
• i love character driven stories
• when i was in italy, it felt like a new home to me
• i am obsessed with italy in general
• i am obsessed with italians 
• i love art, art history
• i am sassy and can be a bitch if need be
• i usually have ridiculous, insane love affairs

The friend that spoke with me on the subject believed she was an ex-groupie from California in the 1960s.



She said she didn't fear life struggles as much, because she knew she had lived life once before, her past life.
"Don't you get that feeling, like, 'Well, it worked out before so it's going to all be fine again.' "

I think i can relate to that. Also -
isn't it odd when you get an "at home" feeling in a brand new place, like you have been there before or are from there?

And what about when you meet someone, and feel as though you know them, even after only speaking with them for a short time. I'm convinced at least two of my past lovers I have known in a previous lifetime. Stuff that I felt and things that happened between us were just too coincidental to ignore.

Isn't it in the Disney movie, "Sleeping Beauty" that illustrates this concept of love so well?

I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yes, I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
the way you did once upon a dream

The opposite could happen as well. Predetermining your taste for a place or person due to an uneasy feeling or energy you sense from them.

This unexplained comfort/discomfort could just "be" the way it is. But the Cosmos seem so deep and mysterious, I think there is something to the concept of past lives, past journeys, a past experience we are not fully conscious of.

looking in and out

this year was a doozy in good and bad ways. it was extremely stressful at times.

in jan-april of this year i was frantically searching for a new job, knowing my contract would end June 1st.

I got a new, better paying, more fulfilling job in May of this year which was a huge relief. This job just happened to be in the next city i wanted to live in, which is also a plus.

I moved across the country in May to start my new life out here, a new chapter. The past several months have been thrilling, very lucky, lonesome, full of laughter, tears, sexy, and heartache.  I barely went home this year and that is one thing i am changing in the new year. I saw my parents twice. Seeing my family grounds me. This year was so full of change and I was alone to deal with all of that. My move, bike accident, ill-fated relations with men. It's hard when you move to a new city and go thru all that shit alone. But - this is growing up, this is becoming who you are meant to be, this is making you better.

Another crazy phase I'm in right now is that I'm suffering from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory syndrome.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[last lines]
Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.
[hugs Charlie]
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I recently have had the most blessed experience of getting everything you've worked hard for, wish desperately for, wanted for a very long time. I feel guilty that I'm not insanely happy. But I am insanely grateful.

But for some reason I still feel like there is something else. Yet, I do not know what that "else" is. I've been going to yoga and church trying to meditate on the finding the answer. I'm writing more every day. I'm trying to dream new dreams for myself. I constantly ask, "what is next for me to do?" "what am i supposed to do next?"

But i realize these aren't really the questions i should be asking. I think where I am right now is where I am meant to be.

I'm going to try to let my heart guide me - as i always have - for the next few months. Maybe my intuition will guide me to my next goals. I know I've always wanted to get published. And maybe this is the time to pay attention to that wish? I also want to volunteer and contribute to my surrounding community.

I wish I was growing in reverse like Benjamin Button. I believe I was born at age 40 and have been trying to gain immaturity since birth. "Lightening up" is difficult for me to do. I'm a serious thinker and creator and sometimes i get lost in those heavy thoughts. Another personal goal of mine is to not take life so seriously.


All i know for sure at this time in my life is the twenties are a weird, wild, terrifying and ecstatic ride. 

My hood.

I like the subtle little characteristics of my neighborhood.

Every morning i am awoken by four bitchy Pekingese dogs yapping at each other. In the beginning of this custom i wanted to strangle all of them, but now they are a sort of alarm that rings to let me know it is time to get up.  They yap at each other every time they get outside, like they are biting each other. it's weird but it's amusing in a similarly weird way. They are walked by their mom or dad, who live across the street from me.

There is a middle-aged single mom who always talks to her old male neighbor every morning, in between yelling at her child to "get ready because we NEED to GO!"  they always seem to share a laugh though.

This morning, while walking to the metro to go to work, a little Hispanic boy maybe 7 years old, with striking green-blue eyes was walking towards me on the sidewalk. He smiled at me with a huge grin and said, "Hola!" It was great to get that enthusiastic of a greeting from a complete little stranger. He most likely thought i was some other old lady, but he was a sweetie.

Random things like that make me like my neighborhood.

i also love the fact that everything happens so close to where i live. last night i got to get drinks w/ girlfriends and saunter home to my little place. i am doing yoga tonight at the studio in my hood and pub trivia with some co-workers.

life is long and life is good.

In Time of Daffodils

 

 in time of daffodils
by E. E. Cummings


in time of daffodils (who know
the goal of living is to grow)
forgetting why, remember how
in time of lilacs who proclaim
the aim of waking is to dream,
remember so (forgetting seem)
in time of roses (who amaze
our now and here with paradise)
forgetting if, remember yes
in time of all sweet things beyond
whatever mind may comprehend,
remember seek (forgetting find)
and in a mystery to be
(when time from time shall set us free)
forgetting me, remember me

AHAB HAS CAUGHT THE WHITE WHALE, bitches.

The white whale came over to watch a movie in my turf last night. We ended up cuddling and then smooching as long as we could.

We're trying to stay in an introductory phase for as long as we can. We don't wanna get ahead of ourselves. Even though we find each other incredibly attractive. He is a man's man. Tall, dark (silver fox actually), Italian (meaning he speaks it sometimes which is...!!!), and so so very handsome. and the whole occupation doesn't hurt either. there is a high voltage charge between us that's too much to temper at times, but i'm going to try.

On the subject of books, The White Whale said, he only reads historical narratives.

i chided him and said he isn't giving reading a chance if he's only reading one genre. He replied, "i've read Moby Dick four times, though."

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT.
that was almost too crazy to believe. 

We watched a George Clooney film and then i put on Roman Holiday. The white whale said,
"Gregory Peck is best in the old version of Moby Dick."

 

WHATTTTTTTTT.

yes, y'all. this really happened. Ms. Ahab finally caught her fish and my did it taste so succulent.

I'm excited to see what the future holds for us. This time I'm excited because we are taking it at a glacial pace. This is a new concept to me. But I've reached a point in my life where I'd rather take my sweet time and invest, rather than waste it all in one shot and be disappointed.

Frances Ha

Been feeling super restless lately. But that's just me - the good and bad.

I saw this movie called, "Frances Ha." I related to "Frances" in the way she was running around in her 20s. Thankfully I think I have my shit together more than that character: ie: job, place to live.

Her monologue about what she wanted in a relationship really moved me. I thought it was really beautiful. She ends up finding that in one of her best friends, not romantically. Either way, what a great relationship to have in your life.
 

"It’s that thing when you’re with someone and you love them and they know it, and they love you and you know it, but it’s at a party! And you’re both talking to other people and you’re laughing and shining and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes. But…but not because you’re possessive or it’s precisely sexual but because that is your person in this life. And it’s funny and sad but only because this life will end. And it’s this secret world that exists right there in public unnoticed that no one knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us, but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s…that’s what I want out of a relationship or just life, I guess."

Frances Handley (Greta Gerwig) in Frances Ha

i want to shampoo you

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
Traveling, traveling, traveling
Looking for something, what can it be
Oh I hate you some, I hate you some, I love you some
Oh I love you when I forget about me

I want to be strong I want to laugh along
I want to belong to the living 
Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive
I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive
Do you want - do you want - do you want to dance with me baby
Do you want to take a chance
On maybe finding some sweet romance with me baby
Well, come on

All I really really want our love to do
Is to bring out the best in me and in you too
All I really really want our love to do
Is to bring out the best in me and in you
I want to talk to you, I want to shampoo you
I want to renew you again and again
Applause, applause - Life is our cause
When I think of your kisses my mind see-saws
Do you see - do you see - do you see how you hurt me baby
So I hurt you too
Then we both get so blue.

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
Looking for the key to set me free
Oh the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling
It's the unraveling
And it undoes all the joy that could be
I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun
I want to be the one that you want to see
I want to knit you a sweater
Want to write you a love letter
I want to make you feel better
I want to make you feel free
I want to make you feel free


© 1970; Joni Mitchell 

party prose.

my favorite sort of night is when you have a glass of wine while putting your makeup on. but not too much wine, because you don't want to put on too much makeup.

you go out to your favorite bar. with your friends. and then other people show up that you don't know and you exchange names. everyone is friendly and talks and gets along.

everyone likes hearing what you choose to play on the jukebox. everyone likes motown so you play motown. everyone likes Sam Cooke.

you continue on with beer because that's what you started with, or you move on to whiskey. and moving onto whiskey is usually always a bad idea, but you chose to do so anyway. you are little older now, so you know to sip it and it won't be as bad as you know it could be.

everyone gets sick of the first bar and you go to another bar. the second bar is never as good as the first one, but you needed to leave the first bar. right now you couldn't say why you did if anyone asked you.

someone is restless like you and invited everyone back to there place. it is not yet 12am but everyone still wants to go back to someone's place. some of you go and some of you take cabs home together to make love, and some of you go home alone to watch a movie, eat drunkenly and bitch.

you go back to the house, because you are restless and still want to meet all these people and talk about their lives and talk about how they see the world. this all sounds better while holding a glass of wine. you sip that too though, because you want to enjoy every sip, every word that is coming out of this new person's lips.

the lights are lower in the room you all sit in. slowly, everyone goes off to bed, except for you and an attractive man. you stay up and talk. you exchange stories, know where he is from, what he did in high school with his friends - however nerdy, although you don't find it nerdy you find it endearing - who he is or who he is not in love with, his favorite drink, what he likes about women, what he hates about women.

he is fascinated by you and everything you say and you can tell he wants to kiss you. but you both don't do that because all this connection is too comfortable to mess up this late at night. so you fall asleep on the couch and the next morning you walk home and you see him in a month and you feel like he forgot about all of it, but you look at him like you didn't. 

Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0eZwpHtcK4


Well, they blew up the Chicken Man in Philly last night
And they blew up his house, too
Down on the boardwalk they're ready for a fight
Gonna see what them racket boys can do

Now there's trouble busin' in from outta state
And the D.A. can't get no relief
Gonna be a rumble on the promenade
And the gamblin' commissioner's hangin' on by the skin of his teeth

Everything dies, baby, that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies some day comes back
Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty
And meet me tonight in Atlantic City

Well, I got a job and I put my money away
But I got the kind of debts that no honest man can pay
So I drew out what I had from the Central Trust
And I bought us two tickets on that Coast City bus

Everything dies, baby, that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies some day comes back
Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty
And meet me tonight in Atlantic City

Now our luck may have died and our love may be cold
But with you forever I'll stay
We'll be goin' out where the sand turns to gold
But put your stockings on, 'cause it might get cold

Oh, everything dies, baby, that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies some day comes back
Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty
And meet me tonight in Atlantic City

Now I've been a-lookin' for a job, but it's hard to find
There's winners and there's losers and I'm south of the line
Well, I'm tired of gettin' caught out on the losin' end
But I talked to a man last night, gonna do a little favor for him

Well, everything dies, baby, that's a fact
But maybe everything that dies some day comes back
Put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty
And meet me tonight in Atlantic City
Oh, meet me tonight in Atlantic City
Oh, meet me tonight in Atlantic City

And then you must make really good love again.

This is my favorite scene in Midnight in Paris.

I like to think Hemingway may have been like his character in this movie.

This is a pretty good monologue as well. Very funny. and yet nice words about "making love to a great woman."

Or it might be the sound of your hello

Look at me, I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree;








And I feel like I'm clingin' to a cloud,
I can' t understand
I get misty, just holding your hand.
Walk my way,
And a thousand violins begin to play,


Or it might be the sound of your hello,
That music I hear,
I get misty, the moment you're near.
Can't you see that you're leading me on?

And it's just what I want you to do,
Don't you notice how hopelessly I'm lost
That's why I'm following you.



On my own,
When I wander through this wonderland alone,
Never knowing my right foot from my left
My hat from my glove



I'm too misty, and too much in love.
Too misty,
And too much in love.....

Lovefool

This cover by Kate is to divine.

"Lovefool"

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
You love me no longer, I know
And maybe there is nothing
That I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
That I ought to stick to another man
A man that surely deserves me
But I think you do!

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me
Say that you love me
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me leave me
Just say that you need me
Love me love me
Say that you love me
Leave me leave me
Just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...

Lately I have desperately pondered,
Spent my nights awake and I wonder
What I could have done in another way
To make you stay
Reason will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
As long as you don't go

So I cry, I pray, and I beg

Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool me, fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
So I cry, and I pray for you to
Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...

Anything but you...

Love me, love me (Say that you love me)
Fool me, fool me (Go on and fool me)
Love me, love me (I know that you need me)
I can't care 'bout anything but you..

Your Point of View

I saw Mary Ellen Mark speak tonight. She and her work is remarkable. Her career has spanned from India, Mexico, Brothels, Celebrities, High School proms, Homelessness, Mental Hospitals, Circus performers, Broadway from the 1970s. She most recently has partnered w/ a Pharmaceutical company, Novartis, making short documentaries with her partner on pediatric care for children with cancer, autism, blindness and developmental syndromes. She shared some of the shorts with us tonight and I came very close to tears. Here are some notes I took and wanted to share. I think for any beginner or more advanced photographer/artist, this advice is great to know.:

• Black & White vs. Color:
• She loves and appreciates color and respects those photographers who know how to use it. She has used color in her work, but she has a love for Black & White. She said, "I can tell if my students are shooting in B&W or if they are shooting in color and making it B&W." I thought this was a really interesting approach to color and execution. 
• She shoots in analog
• She detests instagram and cell phone pictures - she sees them as social media marketing tools, not photos or art. I personally disagree with this outlook, but coming from her it makes sense. She is a photographer from back in the day when magazines showed non-glossified, non-photoshopped pieces about world issues. I can't say many magazines do that anymore. In fact, there aren't that many print outlets anymore for photos, mostly online - so i think she is right and wrong.
• She went on to say she hasn't heard from a magazine asking for her to do a shoot in a year and she doesn't quite mind because magazine photos nowadays are "glossy, decorations" not raw pieces of point of view. 
• It takes many years to develop ones point of view
• When she has students do a project she doesn't take them somewhere and have them shoot all the same thing at the same time, but she rather tells them to go out on their own and do it, so they can develop a strong point of view without other influences
• Paraphrasing: "Photography is like writing, it's not accidental, not simple. It's not like you shoot and it's art. [She] asks her students why they shot something the way they did. She wants to make a point to figure out the thought process behind a shot, a picture. 
• She said it is easier shooting someone she doesn't know, because her viewpoint is less influenced by the outside factors of that person and her's history. Whereas, if there is no history, her viewpoint is fresh, more free. She didn't say she preferred it one way or the other, she was saying how your relationship to the person you are shooting effects the way you shoot them. 
• She talked about not settling and fighting for what you believe in. Follow your heart.

All and all it was yet again another inspiring lecture to attend. It made me feel those artistic bones rattle inside of me, wanting me to do more and try harder. Always, always, always I must. 

Here are only a SMALL sampling of hers. Enjoy!

Tag you're it.

Me and the white whale just talked on the phone for 30 minutes. I could barely breathe on the phone because he sounds so sexy......and i already know i laughed too much, failing to maintain any mystery. He gives me butterflies and it's so embarrassing. And i don't even think he thinks what I think. He probably just thinks i think of him as a friend.

He wants to become running buddies and drink beers. He wants to be friends? I don't know. I don't really care.

But when i got off the phone - this is what i did [WATCH AT 4:25 OF THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO].

And that's how i know if i have a crush on a sexy ass man. 

jonah & the whale

 <sup>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ns-mdnfdQ5g


12</sup> “Pick me up and throw me into the sea,” he replied, “and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.”
¹³ Instead, the men did their best to row back to land. But they could not, for the sea grew even wilder than before. ¹⁴ Then they cried out to the Lord, “Please, Lord, do not let us die for taking this man’s life. Do not hold us accountable for killing an innocent man, for you, Lord, have done as you pleased.” ¹⁵ Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm. ¹⁶ At this the men greatly feared the Lord, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows to him.
¹⁷ Now the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i went to his lecture, we got beers, i got an email soliciting my appearance in his life be made again. 

Painting the town

The city should be covered in a blaring red paint EVERYWHERE cuz this weekend no corner of this fair city was spared from my debauchery.

Friday night:
Nat Geo Photo party launch. I wore my go-to hawt outfit. i saw photogs. it was rather grand. i then when to a halloween party w/ my neighborhood gypsy jazz playing friend.

Sat:

Farmer's market blew my wallet, but it was a wonderful way to spend the morning.

 At 11:00pm i got my ass off the couch and went to a party w/ flip cup, but quickly got out of that situation and went to a 60s soul/motown dance party at a Mexican resto in my hood. The enchiladas were to die for.

I then went to a corner bar at 2am wearing a panda headpiece concealing my identity until i wanted more beer.

Sun:
I woke up determined to go to mass. I haven't been in 5 months and it's the Catholic spiritualism part of me that keeps calling me back. I decided to attend mass at one of the oldest (if not the first, it may be) African-American founded Catholic churches in America. The parish was soooooo welcoming. Everyone was so nice. and get this: People actually sang AND clapped their hands in praise.
At most Catholic masses I've been to, getting people to participate musically is like pulling teeth.  No one seems joyful to be there, but more like a chore.

***SIDE RANT: No one makes you go to church, so I've never understood this idea of going to church if you don't want to be there or if you do not like the church you are going to. I feel like there are so many ways to worship in whatever you believe in - yes i'm including atheism - so you shouldn't waste your time doing things you don't want to do regarding spiritually, religion.***

I SO ENJOYED going to this parish!!! Everyone was happy, joyful, singing and clapping their hands. All the music was in Gospel Chorus style so it sounded amazing!!! Also, I really liked the sermon. I definitely want to return for mass there in the future. I believe that is how mass should be.

I then had a white whale encounter. Which will be detailed in the next blog post.

And then I went to James Blake and it was amazing!!!! Talk about music. Music is definitely a HUGE part of my personal religion. There is some sort of high-power/other worldly quality when you listen to really good music and see really good art.

fotos, booze & boys

I will be causing a ruckus in our fair city this weekend and it pleases me to no end.
 


Upon getting ready tonight i will be listening to this song full blast. No, i do not agree with the blatant misogyny the song is founded on, but i love that GD tune!!!

 

tonight I am attending a city photography organization's annual photo week launch party complete with music, OPEN bar, and art ART AND MORE ART. i got the ticket for free, valued at $60.00 :)

Music, booze, and art. My personal paradise. 

The only BAD thing that could happen would be if the WHITE WHALE showed up. It is his crowd's sort of thing. But I'm sure he's too jaded by such imbibing and fuss over art he's already seen. We'll see. I can't say i wouldn't be GIDDY AS A SCHOOLGIRL if he was there to see me in my tight little black dress. 

I was also invited by my gypsy jazz guitar playing neighbor to a belated-themed-Halloween bash. Of course I could not refuse the offer. boys & booze at that one.

 

Saturday welcomes a DJ that only plays soul 45s at a local bar/resto in my hood. I don't even have to travel to get my groove on. VERY excited to dance to Hipster's avenue. I actually had a DREAM last night i was dancing to this very song and everyone was looking at me with shame and embarrassment and i couldn't figure out why. Was this a prophetic apparition? Only time will tell. 

Sunday morning i am going to a exercise class and then brunch. W/ Levo League gals! I've discovered my new haremmmmmm.

 

Sunday night i am going to see JAMES BLAKE!!!!!!

He actually does have the voice of an angel. and the vices too.

Levo League

Last night I had the pleasure of attending a "Levo League" happy hour in DC.

Levo League is a social good startup designed to elevate young women in the workforce by providing the career resources needed to achieve personal and professional success.

Check it out here:
 http://www.levo.com/home

If you check the online community, you can see there are numerous chapters across the country, offering networks to find other women in the same career stage.

As a young woman, I feel belonging to this group will help a great deal in navigating my career. It is a fun way to ask others for advice, or learn what they are doing in their careers.  As a young woman at my first professional job, it's nice to have the support of strong, independent women in the same place as myself, and women who have already gained years of experience in my network.

At last night's happy hour I met some wonderful people. Two of them gave me a VIP PASS to FotoDC's 6th annual photo week launch party!!! I'm obsessed with photography so this is something I did not expect and am soooo looking forward to attending this weekend w/ these new gfs! :)

Last night was a reminder to put yourself out there, meet new people. Having many different networks and social circles can enrich your life in many ways.

They ALSO have a pinterest page!!!
http://www.pinterest.com/levoleague/

Being Your Own Best Friend

“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.”
― Diane Von Furstenberg

“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”
― Diane Von Furstenberg

We are far too hard on ourselves. And not only the own voices inside our head, but the media that implants little nasty ones as well.

I've realized this week i need to remember to be kinder to myself. If I said the the things i say to myself to a friend, that friend would probably think i was a big B-I-T-C-H.

It was my first time back at yoga since my bike accident tonight. My left side is bothersome, but I can finally do downward dog and arm stands again. Or so i thought. I couldn't even get up to the wall!

And from that discouragement I spiraled into thinking everything about me was horrible. i think i may have shed a tear during Savasana.

But after the class, the teacher came up to me and said it was nice to meet me. i told her i hadn't been in since the accident and that i couldn't do any of the moves-

and she interrupted me right there and said, "no, no. Stop right now, that does not matter. it's not about the moves." and then she had a big smile on her face and i felt a little better.

my room is messy sometimes. and sometimes i don't forget about men as fast as i'd like to. i let them linger like favorite songs and poems. sometimes i stay on pinterest for a whole hour or leave all my clothes on the floor after i wash them, instead of folding them in neat piles. and sometimes i eat mac n cheese for dinner that's not organic.

but i need to remember to just forget about all that shit cause i need to be nicer to myself and see all the good things and encourage them and not dwell on when i fall short.

i'm actually pretty good at being alone and surviving that way. i've never lived w/ a man who was my lover and i no longer live with parents. so in that sense i feel confident. but loving the person i am with alone is a whole different thing i always need more work on. why is it so easy to listen to the bad shit?

i am reminded of the wise words of the poet-prophet, singer-writer, the myth, the legend, Leonard Cohen:

My girl, Frida.

Whiskey & Women

http://guestofaguest.com/washington-dc/calendar/2013/october/whiskey-women-book-signing-and-tasting

http://www.amazon.com/Whiskey-Women-Untold-Bourbon-Scotch/dp/1612345646


 

I went to a Whiskey tasting/Book signing last night. I figured, "i am a woman and i like whiskey." I didn't finish the flight because I wanted to walk - not stumble home.

I got the author to sign my book and he had a very clever inscription i want to share with you, dear reader:

"S, may your scotch always be neat!"

har har har!!!

i had told him my favorite was scotch, Laphroaig


:)




i like going to random things and meeting people and not knowing what is coming next. although people complain that it is not good to focus on the future, i find the future to be a wondrous mystery - the possibilities are endless and everyday you open it up like a little gift to add to your glass menagerie collection. And when you stand back to look at it, so many people and memories whisper from the shelves. 

You never know who or what will walk into your life. It's exciting.

Dance.

Some days all you can control is the ability to dance to good music. And if that's too much energy just sway.

Pour yourself some scotch and sway.

and yes i agree the MGMT music video for this song is really whack but whatever.

My life is just like the weather

i literally have just had it stuck in my head all day and want to sing it at my next gig w/ the Django band across the street.

The poets say that all who love are blindBut I'm in love and I know what time it is!The good book says "go seek and ye shall find"Well, I have sought and my..... what a climb it is!
My life is just like the weatherIt changes with the hoursWhen he's near I'm fair and warmerWhen he's gone I'm cloudy with showers;In emotion, like the ocean it's either sink or swimWhen a woman loves a man like I love him.

Never treats me sweet and gentle the way he should;I got it bad and that ain't good!My poor heart is sentimental not made of woodI got it bad and that ain't good!
But when the weekend's over and Monday rolls aroundI end up like i start out just cryin' my heart outHe don't love me like I love him, nobody couldI got it bad and that ain't good!

Tho folks with good intentions tell me to save my tearsI'm glad I'm mad about him I can't live without himLord above me make him love me the way he shouldI got it bad and that ain't good.

Like a lonely weeping willow lost in the wood.
the things I tell my pillow, no woman should.
I got it bad and that ain't good.

You'll never guess

Ok. So now i am seriously thinking the Universe has moved beyond playing pranks on me and is actually trying to tell me something significant. cuz nothing makes sense anymore!

You'll never guess who emailed me to mention "that we should hang out and catch up soon - and did i see you walking down the street last week?" And yet i then saw him today running with his lady friend of last Sunday??? I don't even know if he's single. Does he really JUST want to be friends. He's just too sexy for me to do that with him.

The WHITE WHALE, the RPJ, returns and i really wanna know the beginning of this story, or the end of it.

if anything does happen and Ahab finally catches the White Whale, you'll be the first to know about it, dear reader.

like i said. BIG if.

i really think he's just playing tag with me, adult style.

Boyfriend.

i wore my black crochet tights, my gray-hug-my-ass mini-skirt, my high Florentine leather boots and my polka-dot chiffon top with the perfect amount of cleavage showing. i was on my way to see a boy who i really really really like.

i was listening to this song:

And at the same time, i had the song on low enough to hear people around me -

the homeless man i passed bellowed to me: "Your boyfriend is a very lucky man!"


"if only," i thought as i gave an eye-roll, let out a reckoning smile and laugh.


ON THE METRO THIS SONG CAME ON MY IPHONE
\

i'm ready for a boyfriend. i've changed the way i date men and the type of men i'm attracted (men who seem like they aren't assholes and would like to be exclusive) to because i really am up for something different these days. it was fun for two years but now i'm tired of it.

looking for the heart of saturday night.

how it oughta be

I got anything but moneyed esteem
Drinks on Conde Nast
I'm the optimist of 30th Street
How it is is how it oughta be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBteoLCZ8SM 






 

O Canada.

 Canadian accents remind me of the people I love in my life, my family. I was born & raised in Canada til i was three and then moved to the States. But all my relatives and loved ones speak, "that way." So needless to say, a man with a Canadian accent makes me happy cuz the sound of it reminds me of good people in my life.




I am dating a scrappy Canadian, soon-to-be-lawyer (at a non-profit firm no less).

I am in the stage where I my "like" for him is growing at an alarming rate. He wears a St. Christopher emblem around his neck but you can only see it when he has no clothes on.



He has an activist streak in himself for the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I don't but I like the fact he cares so much about it. I also like that he invites me along to documentaries and talks about it. He wants me to join in on causes he cares about.

He is in his 30s and has lived in many different places than the U S of A.

He calls me sweetie and hottie and gives me smooches and for right now i am quite content. I'm trying to put off the inevitable - when one of us moves on to another.

It's weird being 20 and single, because you want the connection and care that comes from a consistent partner but you do not want to settle down.  I suppose when you get the feeling that you want to settle down, that person is the right one for you.

But I do not think I am ready for that yet.  There are things on my list that will be difficult to do with another person - unless they are the right person - then i guess they can come along for the ride.