Levo League

Last night I had the pleasure of attending a "Levo League" happy hour in DC.

Levo League is a social good startup designed to elevate young women in the workforce by providing the career resources needed to achieve personal and professional success.

Check it out here:
 http://www.levo.com/home

If you check the online community, you can see there are numerous chapters across the country, offering networks to find other women in the same career stage.

As a young woman, I feel belonging to this group will help a great deal in navigating my career. It is a fun way to ask others for advice, or learn what they are doing in their careers.  As a young woman at my first professional job, it's nice to have the support of strong, independent women in the same place as myself, and women who have already gained years of experience in my network.

At last night's happy hour I met some wonderful people. Two of them gave me a VIP PASS to FotoDC's 6th annual photo week launch party!!! I'm obsessed with photography so this is something I did not expect and am soooo looking forward to attending this weekend w/ these new gfs! :)

Last night was a reminder to put yourself out there, meet new people. Having many different networks and social circles can enrich your life in many ways.

They ALSO have a pinterest page!!!
http://www.pinterest.com/levoleague/

Being Your Own Best Friend

“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.”
― Diane Von Furstenberg

“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”
― Diane Von Furstenberg

We are far too hard on ourselves. And not only the own voices inside our head, but the media that implants little nasty ones as well.

I've realized this week i need to remember to be kinder to myself. If I said the the things i say to myself to a friend, that friend would probably think i was a big B-I-T-C-H.

It was my first time back at yoga since my bike accident tonight. My left side is bothersome, but I can finally do downward dog and arm stands again. Or so i thought. I couldn't even get up to the wall!

And from that discouragement I spiraled into thinking everything about me was horrible. i think i may have shed a tear during Savasana.

But after the class, the teacher came up to me and said it was nice to meet me. i told her i hadn't been in since the accident and that i couldn't do any of the moves-

and she interrupted me right there and said, "no, no. Stop right now, that does not matter. it's not about the moves." and then she had a big smile on her face and i felt a little better.

my room is messy sometimes. and sometimes i don't forget about men as fast as i'd like to. i let them linger like favorite songs and poems. sometimes i stay on pinterest for a whole hour or leave all my clothes on the floor after i wash them, instead of folding them in neat piles. and sometimes i eat mac n cheese for dinner that's not organic.

but i need to remember to just forget about all that shit cause i need to be nicer to myself and see all the good things and encourage them and not dwell on when i fall short.

i'm actually pretty good at being alone and surviving that way. i've never lived w/ a man who was my lover and i no longer live with parents. so in that sense i feel confident. but loving the person i am with alone is a whole different thing i always need more work on. why is it so easy to listen to the bad shit?

i am reminded of the wise words of the poet-prophet, singer-writer, the myth, the legend, Leonard Cohen:

My girl, Frida.

Whiskey & Women

http://guestofaguest.com/washington-dc/calendar/2013/october/whiskey-women-book-signing-and-tasting

http://www.amazon.com/Whiskey-Women-Untold-Bourbon-Scotch/dp/1612345646


 

I went to a Whiskey tasting/Book signing last night. I figured, "i am a woman and i like whiskey." I didn't finish the flight because I wanted to walk - not stumble home.

I got the author to sign my book and he had a very clever inscription i want to share with you, dear reader:

"S, may your scotch always be neat!"

har har har!!!

i had told him my favorite was scotch, Laphroaig


:)




i like going to random things and meeting people and not knowing what is coming next. although people complain that it is not good to focus on the future, i find the future to be a wondrous mystery - the possibilities are endless and everyday you open it up like a little gift to add to your glass menagerie collection. And when you stand back to look at it, so many people and memories whisper from the shelves. 

You never know who or what will walk into your life. It's exciting.

Dance.

Some days all you can control is the ability to dance to good music. And if that's too much energy just sway.

Pour yourself some scotch and sway.

and yes i agree the MGMT music video for this song is really whack but whatever.

My life is just like the weather

i literally have just had it stuck in my head all day and want to sing it at my next gig w/ the Django band across the street.

The poets say that all who love are blindBut I'm in love and I know what time it is!The good book says "go seek and ye shall find"Well, I have sought and my..... what a climb it is!
My life is just like the weatherIt changes with the hoursWhen he's near I'm fair and warmerWhen he's gone I'm cloudy with showers;In emotion, like the ocean it's either sink or swimWhen a woman loves a man like I love him.

Never treats me sweet and gentle the way he should;I got it bad and that ain't good!My poor heart is sentimental not made of woodI got it bad and that ain't good!
But when the weekend's over and Monday rolls aroundI end up like i start out just cryin' my heart outHe don't love me like I love him, nobody couldI got it bad and that ain't good!

Tho folks with good intentions tell me to save my tearsI'm glad I'm mad about him I can't live without himLord above me make him love me the way he shouldI got it bad and that ain't good.

Like a lonely weeping willow lost in the wood.
the things I tell my pillow, no woman should.
I got it bad and that ain't good.

You'll never guess

Ok. So now i am seriously thinking the Universe has moved beyond playing pranks on me and is actually trying to tell me something significant. cuz nothing makes sense anymore!

You'll never guess who emailed me to mention "that we should hang out and catch up soon - and did i see you walking down the street last week?" And yet i then saw him today running with his lady friend of last Sunday??? I don't even know if he's single. Does he really JUST want to be friends. He's just too sexy for me to do that with him.

The WHITE WHALE, the RPJ, returns and i really wanna know the beginning of this story, or the end of it.

if anything does happen and Ahab finally catches the White Whale, you'll be the first to know about it, dear reader.

like i said. BIG if.

i really think he's just playing tag with me, adult style.

Boyfriend.

i wore my black crochet tights, my gray-hug-my-ass mini-skirt, my high Florentine leather boots and my polka-dot chiffon top with the perfect amount of cleavage showing. i was on my way to see a boy who i really really really like.

i was listening to this song:

And at the same time, i had the song on low enough to hear people around me -

the homeless man i passed bellowed to me: "Your boyfriend is a very lucky man!"


"if only," i thought as i gave an eye-roll, let out a reckoning smile and laugh.


ON THE METRO THIS SONG CAME ON MY IPHONE
\

i'm ready for a boyfriend. i've changed the way i date men and the type of men i'm attracted (men who seem like they aren't assholes and would like to be exclusive) to because i really am up for something different these days. it was fun for two years but now i'm tired of it.

looking for the heart of saturday night.

how it oughta be

I got anything but moneyed esteem
Drinks on Conde Nast
I'm the optimist of 30th Street
How it is is how it oughta be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBteoLCZ8SM 






 

O Canada.

 Canadian accents remind me of the people I love in my life, my family. I was born & raised in Canada til i was three and then moved to the States. But all my relatives and loved ones speak, "that way." So needless to say, a man with a Canadian accent makes me happy cuz the sound of it reminds me of good people in my life.




I am dating a scrappy Canadian, soon-to-be-lawyer (at a non-profit firm no less).

I am in the stage where I my "like" for him is growing at an alarming rate. He wears a St. Christopher emblem around his neck but you can only see it when he has no clothes on.



He has an activist streak in himself for the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I don't but I like the fact he cares so much about it. I also like that he invites me along to documentaries and talks about it. He wants me to join in on causes he cares about.

He is in his 30s and has lived in many different places than the U S of A.

He calls me sweetie and hottie and gives me smooches and for right now i am quite content. I'm trying to put off the inevitable - when one of us moves on to another.

It's weird being 20 and single, because you want the connection and care that comes from a consistent partner but you do not want to settle down.  I suppose when you get the feeling that you want to settle down, that person is the right one for you.

But I do not think I am ready for that yet.  There are things on my list that will be difficult to do with another person - unless they are the right person - then i guess they can come along for the ride.

You're gonna make it after all.

I finished a project management seminar my company sent me to for two days today. It was at a hotel in downtown DC so i got to pretend I was Mary Tyler Moore in the morning business crowds. No hat to toss though. Can't stand the hat hair. I settled on wearing tights and a skirt from Banana Republic.



I learned a whole lot. I was reminded of the Work Breakdown System (WBS) I studied for a semester in my masters program. The seminar leader said many good sentences that related not only to project management but also real life. One that resonated with me was:

"I cannot reach perfection but I can reach excellence," shown bright on his power point.

He also said procrastinators tend to be perfectionists.

Obviously, he was talking about me. I had no idea it was common knowledge that both traits typically resided as a pair, but now, suddenly, everything makes a whole lot more sense.

Besides my basic personality trapping me into a nasty perfectionism habit, I believe growing up as an American Woman is a big part to deal with it as well.

I feel as an American we emphasize competition, being the best, being "special", standing higher than the "average" crowd.  There has always been a pressure to be "the best" - and sometimes one can equate this need to be the best with being "perfect."

Besides this American ideal of being an independent, self reliant being at all times, throw the WOMAN factor in there:

As a woman in America there is a tremendous pressure to be all the things everyone in your life needs you to be. You must be the "perfect" mother, daughter, sister, lover, employee, artist, mother goddess, yogi....the list can go on as long as you think it can.

The media perpetuates these two beliefs through ads.  I found a recent article in the Atlantic to be really disturbing regarding how advertisers try to market to women when they "feel their most ugly." This graphic below is from that article.




SO THAT'S PRETTY MESSED UP.

The fact that the media is targeting women, and trying to feed off our already deflated esteem is pretty sick.

We must strive for excellence - not perfection - in order to stop these daily assaults our self-worth experiences.

I'm going to add this idea to my daily practice. Instead of perfection, I'm going to seek excellence. I'd rather chase after something I know I may eventually be able to catch.

It reminds me again of one of my favorite Mary Oliver poems:

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Crushed and Conquered.

I finally stopped having a crush on the RPJ about a month ago. i realized he had no interest in me, i was too young for him, and i needed to stop wasting my thoughts on him.

Yet - i couldn't really stop thinking about him because that man is so GD hawt. So I never really did. I still would imagine us on the island of cyprus, in bora bora, or bali, drinking beers, and having amazing sex.





Of course i realize this would never happen but that is half the fun in day-dreaming, isn't it? if it could or would happen it wouldn't be so fun to think about. Anywho - i never really stopped fantasizing about the RPJ.

And today i think the Universe decided to fuck with me.

Today i left my house in the later part of the afternoon. I was in a great mood. I got dressed in my cute hemp crocheted hippie "Almost Famous"-like shirt and put some makeup on my face. nothing fancy but let's just say i was fucking RADIATING today for some apparent reason. You know, the days when you get dressed up and you just feel great about how you look and confident? it was one of those awesome days.



I went outside, walking around my neighborhood and was looking at everything, soaking it all in. As i walked down the sidewalk i saw NONE OTHER THAN THE RPJ walking towards me on this lovely Sunday afternoon with his lady friend of the moment.

I could see the "oh fuck" expression in his face. if you've read my posts before you know this man was/is like my WHITE WHALE. my moby FUCKing dick. The one guy i really want but will most likely never have - but i'm willing to act a fool and do anything to possibly get him. I AM CAPTAIN AHAB in this situation, basically.





So i saw the "oh fuck" expression - or maybe just a "awkward" expression. BUT instead of being awkward back, or adding to the "most painfully awkward interactions i've ever had with a man" top ten list that is included with every single time i've ever seen the RPJ, i decided to play it cool. i gave my most disarming, sweet smile, said "Hey, RPJ*" and on top of everything I LOOKED REALLY FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TODAY.

(*sidenote: his name - which i can't write in this blog post just in case he ever would somehow see this post, even though he will most likely never will - is the most delicious name to come out of your mouth. You feel flirty and free saying it and you wish you could whisper it in his ear so badly, but like i said, he is my Moby Dick. When you have a crush on someone, their name is so beautiful to hear and you just wanna write it into a song and sing it in the shower, hear it bouncing off the walls, enveloping your ears and echoing back to you. This may sound like crazy-talk, but hard-core crushes include intense adoration like the sounds of names or the weird observance of the way they walk or wondering how they look stark naked.)

He responded with a warm smile, hello, and how are you as well. He was with a woman who i suspect is older than me. He must be into women his age. But i swear if he just gave me an afternoon i'd change his mind.


The reason i'm even bothering to write about this interaction is because I'm so happy I was able to have at least ONE NON-PAINFULLY AWKWARD interaction with the crush that rejected me. It's hard to see someone who you asked out on a date and rejected you. It's not something you want to do every Sunday. But I'm glad i took the opportunity to make amends and just "be cool." At least now i can hope he doesn't realize how big of a crush i had on him and how embarrassed i was when i was around him before.


I like to think someday this will not all be so hard.

PSA: To Men who DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

Saturday night my friend asked me to go to a DC comedy showcase with her.  I had nothing to do after i came back from the exhibit and i thought, "well sure, what the hell i have nothing else going on."

She told her friend J that i was coming with. WELL J is friends with the LAWYER. the lawyer that took me to Le Diplomat - the lawyers that took me on a bunch of awesome dates and reminds me of the comedian Louie CK - for vague reasons - the lawyer i wanted to see more of..sorta.  And this LAWYER was going to the comedy show as well.

My roomie texted J to tell him i was coming. He responded with, "um no. don't bring her." So I guess J didn't want me to go, due to his friend not liking me. The lawyer hasn't spoken to me in 3 weeks and dropped off the face of the earth. It sucks, but it's ok.

Here's my issue with this situation.
Situation: When you go on multiple dates with a man and nothing is wrong and you have fun and that man you went on the dates with suddenly drops off of the face of the planet.

I'd much prefer that instead of you DROPPING OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH, to tell me in person/via text that you want to be friends instead. EVEN IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS, at least humor me and tell me in person, "you'd rather be friends". If you tell me "i want to be friends" i will take it as you are no longer interested in seeing me," not as "we are friends." i'm not stupid and i know code words and phrases just like you do b/c i have used them before as well. Idiot.

This way, i do not have to have you in the maybe category. i can have you in the NO category. i can give my attention to the other men i am dating and stop wasting a thought on you.

I realize why you don't want to tell me and would rather DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH than do so. I realize you want to have the easy way out. You think that if you never say anything it's better than possibly hurting my feelings. you think i will forget about you OR you think if you never CLEARLY break it off, at some point you can call me again months later and i will respond with wanting to fuck you. SOMEHOW THIS MAKES SENSE IN YOUR MIND.

#1 - if you never clearly break it off, i'm MORE likely to remember it, and MORE LIKELY to be MORE UPSET WITH YOU - not forget it. It's decent to tell me you're not interested. I realize it's hard BUT PUT YOUR BIG BOY PANTS ON AND COMMUNICATE. TELL ME THE TRUTH. i promise it is better than letting me just be irrationally mad at you. if you told me, I'd know it was because you were not attracted to me - physically, intellectually, ___________ly.

#2 - if you think that I'm going to WANT TO FUCK YOU after you avoiding me for several months like i have the bubonic plague THEN YOU ARE AN IDIOT and need to not ever meet another woman again, in order to spare future generations of carrying on your stupidity in their genetic make-up.

So since i was DIS-INVITED to the comedy show b/c this LAWYER could not gather the balls to simply text or tell me in person he was no longer interested in me - I went to my friends' M & B's house and watched the Red Wings game. It was very fun. We won! And then i went to a Bocce Ball bar w/ my cousin and his friends - which was drunk and good and what i wanted to do that this Saturday night.


At this point if LAWYER contacts me it would just be pointless, so i don't really care now. I'm fine with the idea that he's "just not that into me." I just wish men were more able to eloquently express their feelings. It's totally cool if you don't dig me. Just don't DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH or give me silent treatment. It just makes me feel shittier than if you would've told the truth in the first place.

Women of Vision

Today i went to the National Geographic Museum for the first time.

I saw the exhibition, "Women of Vision" - it's an awe-inspiring look into the experience and work of women photojournalists on assignment from National Geographic. What a life to lead!

The exhibit focused on how the photographers relate to the people or places they observe and photograph, and how they tell other people's stories with genuine dignity and loyalty to being honest - regardless of their personal point of views.

I've worked with photos for six years now professionally, but my new year's goal is to purchase a "fancy camera" and sign up for a class. I think photography may be something I could enjoy and might even be good at. I think it's calling me and i need to explore that siren.

The photographers featured in the exhibit are doing AMAZING, jaw-dropping work. They are speaking up for the silenced and sharing the experience of people in the "non-western" world. Which is a good portion of this world!

http://events.nationalgeographic.com/events/exhibits/2013/10/10/women-vision/


Another reason why i think i might like photography is it gives me a legitimate excuse to go to foreign places. "i gotta take pictures of the place," i will say.

Animals by Frank O'Hara, read by Josh Sazon

https://soundcloud.com/josh-sazon-1/animals?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=facebook

This is one of my favorite poems, read aloud.

There is something to be said for words read aloud. i think it's something we forget about until we hear it again.

commodifying love

In the recent days, I've noticed many posts on my facebook relate to weddings and babies. and that's all fine. There are different stages we go through in our life and when we are happy about those stages we want to celebrate and share them with others.

My issues with this is when it becomes a carefully curated thing, losing all genuineness and sincerity - it's more about what others see than what you see or how you feel about it [loving relationships]. Because in the scenarios I'm about to mention, you're seeking approval from the world,  not your own self or your partner.

I've been seeing a new trend in wedding videography where people HAVE TRAILERS for their wedding video. What is this? Besides your family and close friends who will be buying this? What is the purpose of sharing intimate moments ("first look", walk down the aisle, notes from each other, vows) to every person on the internet, including people who do not know you?

I feel like weddings and private celebrations have become sick opportunities to "out-do" your peers, show-off. Prove or perhaps create a life you don't actually lead. What does it matter what strangers think of your private life?

What happened to proposals being a private affair between two people who are madly in love? I know see proposal videos everywhere - extravagant, choreographed flash mobs??? What has society become. Nothing is sacred I guess. We are not celebrities. We are not significant public figures. We are people living our lives.
 









 



Another thing I've seen is posts about newlyweds cooking for their husbands - IN PICTURES WITH APRONS ON. I understand your excitement. But you have been raised in a post-Women's movement generation. You're essentially back-pedaling when you post patriarchal, old school photos of you "cookin' for your man." It's great you are a loving partner. But where are his pictures of himself in AN APRON COOKING FOR YOU? or does he just sit and watch football and drink beers while you slave in the kitchen? BECAUSE IF SO, THAT'S BULLSHIT.  You love your husband and your life - but why not show that in a non-misogynistic way? Gardening together, out together? These things put you on even levels not in a demeaning, old-school social realm that needs to die off. You are re-enforcing a very bad stereotype.

 










Or perhaps, if you do get joy out of that why do you want to show that on FB? Why would others who are not you or your husband care or be happy about that happening? If you do that does that mean you have a perfect marriage and are a "good" partner?




I guess if it is important for you for people to know every moment in your life and approve of the way you live your life, that's fine. Whatever floats your boat. I just think the constant commodification of love is really disgusting to me as an outsider and I feel it takes away a lot of the private mysteries you share as a couple.


 



It seems with my generation everyone needs to know everything about you and "if there are no pictures it didn't happen."

I think that is a horrible way to live one's life. It also feeds into some sort of self-entitlement or ego problem you need to get rid of. The ego can be a very ugly, ugly thing if fed too often.

dream from last night

i had a dream i dyed my hair exactly like run lola run.

some people liked it, others detested it.

Peter Higgs

Today, the new Nobel laureates in physics are 84-year-old Englishman Peter Higgs, after whom the particle is named, and Francois Englert, 80, of Belgium.

Peter Higgs could not be reached by phone. It is rumored he "disappeared" a few days ago to a remote location. Perhaps in the Shetland or Orkney Islands? Or maybe somewhere much farther away. 

I love the fact that Peter Higgs has gone into seclusion and did not bring a cell phone with him. Perhaps one of the few sane men left in the world. 

I also hope he is relishing a scotch, neat, in the sun somewhere and laughing to himself. 

last night's dream

i dreamt i was dancing on a wedding-guest-like dance floor with Louie CK to "Video Killed the Radio Star."  I know all the reasons i had this dream but it is too personal and embarrassing for this blog. But it's weird how dreams tell you things you need to know. Or things you were trying not to know or listen to - until you are forced to embody them while sleeping with no way to avoid.

Even your subconscious wants to help you.

Seeing Elizabeth Gilbert

Via Elizabeth Gilbert's website: 

 As the great poet Jack Gilbert said once to young writer, when she 
asked him for advice about her own poems: “Do you have the courage to 
bring forth this work? The treasures that are hidden inside you are 
hoping you will say YES.”

Good luck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 The Summer Day
- 1990 

  Who made the world? 
  Who made the swan, and the black bear? 
  Who made the grasshopper? 
  This grasshopper, I mean-- 
  the one who has flung herself out of the grass, 
  the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, 
  who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-- 
  who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes. 
  Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face. 
  Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away. 
  I don't know exactly what a prayer is. 
  I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down 
  into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, 
  how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, 
  which is what I have been doing all day. 
  Tell me, what else should I have done? 
  Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? 
  Tell me, what is it you plan to do 
  with your one wild and precious life? 

I had the pleasure of seeing the amazingly talented writer, Elizabeth Gilbert, or "Liz" as the fans (and herself as well) call her.

She spoke for about 40 minutes and took questions. She has this crazy radiating glow about her.  She is one of the genuinely happiest, open and humble people ever!!! She seemed so natural talking about her book, the inspiration for it, the research process, writing process and so human! She is just like us, she just works her ass off and achieves her goals through this brilliant psyche she's seemed to be growing for 40+ years. I hope I am as lucky to be so wise and happy at her age.




Take-aways I had from her talking about the writing process:

• She writes from 5am-11am, "before the world catches you." She explained everything and every emergency seems to happen by 11am.  
• She recommended for a young unestablished writer to be disciplined. write everyday, to the point if you don't write for a day, you feel like something is missing. 
• The creative process - be open to it.  Some days you may write nothing that is good. But you must soldier through those days - b/c those phases are apart of the process
• Give yourself presents during a writing project. If you finish you goal of writing x amount of words that day, reward yourself with something.
• She does work in seasons. She Finds inspiration in Fall, Research in Spring, Summer writes - for example.
• When she was younger and new at writing she wrote for whatever. She now has the freedom to write one her own schedule, project basis. 
• Be your own Editor.
• Have your trust worthy loving friends edit your stuff, NOT your enemies or mean people. 
• Create a writing circle of friends whom you share your work with. 
• She quoted this poem by Sharon Olds to explain how she feels when she is FINALLY done and sends the book to print. She was saying you can do your very best but there comes a point when you have to let it go and be the book it is going to be. Kinda like a child:

Poem: "The Summer-Camp Bus Pulls Away from the Curb," by Sharon Olds fromBlood, Tin, Straw (Alfred A. Knopf)

• The Summer-Camp Bus Pulls Away from the Curb
  

  Whatever he needs, he has or doesn't
  have by now.
  Whatever the world is going to do to him
  it has started to do. With a pencil and two
  Hardy Boys and a peanut butter sandwich and
  grapes he is on his way, there is nothing
  more we can do for him. Whatever is
  stored in his heart, he can use, now.
  Whatever he has laid up in his mind
  he can call on. What he does not have
  he can lack. The bus gets smaller and smaller, as one
  folds a flag at the end of a ceremony,
  onto itself, and onto itself, until
  only a heavy wedge remains.
  Whatever his exuberant soul
  can do for him, it is doing right now.
  Whatever his arrogance can do
  it is doing to him. Everything
  that's been done to him, he will now do.
  Everything that's been placed in him
  will come out, now, the contents of a trunk
  unpacked and lined up on a bunk in the underpine light.

Take-aways I had from her talking about life:

• Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?  - She quoted poet, Mary Oliver, at one point. I believe it was when she was talking about professions, passions. She was clear to point out that we have one go-around - and we might as well make it the best damn time and try our hardest to live the life we envision for ourselves in our heads. She also said no one is going to "knock on your door and say, 'oh excuse me? i heard there is a brilliant unpublished author living here?" You must work and submit and never give up. 
• Women have two huge things that bombard us in this world - self esteem and self rejection. We not only are hard one our looks, but we also do not do things b/c we think we will fail. 
• "Let your creativity be stronger than your fear" - powerful. 
• She is still in a blissful partnership w/ Phillipe. 
• She owns a bookstore in the town she lives in.
• She supports her fellow writers and women!!!

The ultimate take-away was that i need to continue working on my writing and feed my creative spirit! Because that is what makes me my authentic self and most happy. 

Things that do not matter

I got into a nasty bike accident this past Saturday. I was at that busy, bustling, breathing intersection of Adams Morgan; between the McDonald's and the Starbucks.




I flew over my handle bars onto the concrete road. I didn't get up immediately because the wind was knocked out of me. So a bunch of people came down and scooped me up with my bike. I sat on the sidewalk with everyone staring and asking me questions, "What's your name, how old are you, what day is it?"

As soon as my head was pulled off the ground, I saw the blood.  At first it came down like a leaky faucet. but soon it just started a steady stream down my left eye, my cheek, neck, down my dress, and all the rest of it on my arms and hands. My arms and hands were scratched too though, so that could of been from those cuts as well.

Someone called an ambulance and i went to the ER. I now have a black eye and a shoulder that won't move a lot.

I WASN'T WEARING A HELMET.

I'll never do that again. I am SO LUCKY that nothing else happened to me. It could've been really really bad.

My accident also set the recent laundry lists of daily stresses in my life on fire:
feelings
past shit i can't change
boys
job
other bullshit

After i was catapulted from my bike I realized nothing really matters except:
my health
what i do with my life to positively effect others
how i live my life
and who i spend it with.


At least until I forget about my mortality again, I'm done caring about stupid, pointless, meaningless shit.

the world offers itself to your imagination

“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body 
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.” 
― Mary Oliver

I choose the rooms that I live in with care.

Sometimes I find I get to
Thinking of the past
We swore to each other then
Our love would surely last

You kept right on loving
I went on a fast
Now I am too thin
And your love is too vast

But I know from your eyes
And I know from your smile
That tonight will be fine
Will be fine, will be fine, will be fine
For a while

I choose the rooms that I live in with care
The windows are small and the walls almost bare
There's only one bed and there's only one prayer
I listen all night for your step on the stair

But I know from your eyes
And I know from your smile
That tonight will be fine
Will be fine, will be fine, will be fine
For a while

Oh, sometimes I see her undressing for me
She's the soft naked lady love meant her to be
And she's moving her body so brave and so free
If I've got to remember that's a fine memory

And I know from her eyes
And I know from her smile
That tonight will be fine
Will be fine, will be fine, will be fine
For a while

And I know
And I know
And I know

you gotta work!

OMG. work was very stressful today. I love my work place but so many projects on my plate!!! And next week is a big event so everyone is planning and making last minute projects happen...which i am involved in. besides all my other deadlines, i've added these.

i am very excited to write an article in a magazine. i was given the chance by an editor at my work. so i'm excited to promote what i do and explain why it's important.

i'm also proposing a presentation for a conference.

i find it stressful sometimes to keep up on all the cutting edge knowledge in my field. i guess conferences can help with this, but i really need to start reading more journals on a regular basis, like when i was in grad school. i think that would help me feel more in the know.

i also need to stop comparing myself to others. it's a nasty habit that has been popping up in my mind lately. i am WAY too hard on myself. it's good b/c i feel like i get  A LOT of shit accomplished, but on the downside, you cannot be perfect, nor can you be "superwoman" - which i feel our society instructs us to do every other moment.

i'm also WAY too addicted to social media networks. my fb is a time suck and i'd love to eliminate it from my life. i really love seeing my friends who live far away and what they are up to via fb. i don't think i'd have time to call ALL of them weekly. so i basically just need to keep it, but DRASTICALLY limit the time i spend on it. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Still creative writing. Have not even thought of turning it in for publication yet. not even there yet. But it's nice to take it more seriously. In my sad moments i just think of RAYMOND CARVER.

I want to take a photography class so i can learn how pictures are properly taken, the art of it. i've worked with photos for 6 years now and have no real training in that aspect of the medium. but i know how to legal deal with them and archive them and preserve them-------YAHHHHHHHHHHHH!